Your Holiday Mom: Virginia

red ballDear Holiday Child:
Once again the holidays are upon us and while I am planning my activities and my menus, I’m thinking of you, and others like you who, for many possible reasons cannot be with your families or loved ones this year.

It may be because you’ve come out and your parents couldn’t deal with hearing that you’re LGBT or Q, or maybe your chosen partner is not accepted in your family home. It’s hard to leave behind those traditions, but I commend you. I think you are so brave for being true to yourself and standing up to those who would have you betray who you are in favor of making themselves feel more comfortable. It might help you to know that there are Moms out there like me, who would be proud to have you in my home to celebrate the holidays.

My husband and I live over 700 miles away from our adult kids, and it makes me very sad that I can’t be with them during the holidays. I make a point to call each one and remind them how loved they are. I want to remind you that you are loved as well. It’s bittersweet to hear their voices, and know that they are having a lovely holiday and I can’t be there with them. I know you must feel that way about your families as well.

Thanksgiving is not an expensive meal, but we invite everyone who has no other plans to stop by and share it with us. It’s rare that we have family visiting, so all of the “orphans” in the neighborhood are invited. Single people, people who have no family, young people who are estranged from their parents and those who have no other plans are encouraged to come share our table. We are grateful to be able to share love and encouragement to some of our lonely friends. I don’t always make turkey and a traditional Thanksgiving meal, but often prepare different ethnic meals to share. This year,I’ll be making tamales and some Mexican dishes that I love to prepare.

I live in the mountains and every year we go into the forest and cut down a small pine tree and drag it behind my horse back to the ranch. We decorate the house with lights and ornaments at Christmastime and hang our stockings above the wood stove that’s always burning to warm our home. I love the way the tree makes the house smell, and how the glowing lights transform our little house.

I make special treats for our pets and horses, and even though they have no idea of the date, they know that they are getting special love and attention from us. We often go to our neighbor’s on the day after Christmas and share all our leftover food with several of the families nearby. If you were with us, you could participate in the blessings we share throughout the holiday season with our friends, neighbors, and those in need in our community.

I sincerely hope that you find a new hope and tradition to share with a friend, partner or loved one this holiday season. If you can’t be home with your family, spend the holidays with your friends and chosen family. Make the holiday warm for someone else, and it will be warmer and more joyful for you.

I send you you warm hugs and gentle thoughts for a wonderful new year. I want you to know that I love you, and it does get better. You make it better by being in the world.

Your Holiday Mom


  1. Louise says:

    Thank you for writing this. Even though I’m all grown up I need to hear that warmth and love that is in your note. I think we need community more than ever and well love more than ever. Thank you. It’s very moving to read this, comforting too.

  2. Haze/John says:

    We adopt “orphans” on thanksgiving and in the holiday season too. Thank you for making me part of your family. I wish I could be with my chosen family but alas I am underage and not allowed to go anywhere except where the parental units take me.
    ~wishing I could move out

    • Chey says:

      Haze/John, It’s not easy. That in between time between independence and childhood. It’s not. But you are clearly wise enough all ready to seek out things that sustain you. This community is here for you. And I have great hopes for your future.
      We love you,
      Mama Chey

      • Virginia says:

        Haze/John –
        If you can stick it out and be patient, you’ll have the time to spend with your chosen family. Keep them in your heart as I do keep you in mine.

  3. Emily says:

    Holiday Mom,
    Just the thought of being able to spread joy this season to others, even though my joy may be running thin as I have yet to find the acceptance for being genderfluid that I crave, brings a smile to my face. Kids and lost souls like me are incredibly blessed to have mom’s like you to welcome us this season when are actual mom’s haven’t shown us the same warmth. This season I hope that I will be able to bring at least a fraction of the happiness to someone else that the holiday moms have been able to give to me. Your acceptance and love means the world to me.
    Thank you for reminding me that being alive makes the world better. That is a difficult thing for me to remember.
    With love,

    • Holiday Ciocia says:

      Hi Emily,

      I am glad you are here and alive, and that warms my heart. Sending lots of love to you.

      • Virginia says:

        Take the joy given and spread it in your world. The love andwamth you feel can only be multiplied by giving it away. Hugs and love,
        Mom Virginia

  4. Dariana says:

    I feel so loved right now, i was crying alot because of the words my mom was telling me, she doesn’t accept me even when i came out 4 years ago, I’m 16 years old and it makes me feel less sad to read all this letters of support, thank you for all your loving

    • Holiday Ciocia says:

      Hi Dariana,

      I’m sorry to hear your mom doesn’t accept you. I am glad you are here with us and the 40+ moms (and Aunties, like me!) though. Sending lots of love and acceptance always.

      • Virginia says:

        Dearest Dariana – I am sending you warm hugs and lots of love. Try to believe that this will all pass and with time it will get better. Don’t give up! You are important, and you are loved!
        Love, Mom Virginia

  5. Colleen says:

    Dear Mom,
    Thank you so much. Being accepted by my parents isn’t something I’m used to.
    Your daughter,

    • Holiday Ciocia says:

      Hi Colleen,

      I am glad you have found some acceptance here. It can be hard to be accepted by your parents. I have a hard time with that too myself sometimes. I am not a mom myself, but will always accept you as your “cool” holiday aunt. just like with my other nieces and nephews. Sending lots of love!

  6. Cassidy says:

    Mom –
    Thank you so much for your letter. I love how accepting you are and I’m just so blessed that you’ve taken the time to remind me (and my other holiday siblings) how much you care.

  7. Gabby says:

    Dear Mom,
    Thank you so much for this. It made me feel so warm and loved. I’m not a big fan of huge meals with a lot of people but I’d love to spend time with you and your pets.
    Love, Gabby

    • Holiday Ciocia says:

      Hi Gabby,

      I like spending time with pets too. I am somewhat allergic, so I have to be careful, but it’s such a gift when I can visit my friends’ pets.

      I wish I could take you out for a coffee or hot cocoa and a treat and catch up with you and see how you are, just like I do with my other nieces when we need a break from the hustle and bustle and being around the whole family. Quiet time can be good too.

  8. Asher says:

    This is really sweet that all these moms take time in their day to tell us they love us for who we are. Life has been a struggle and I came oout to my parents as transgender (ftm) as well as they supported me the rest of my family thought I was touched by satan or got hit in the head. Knowing that I am lover really helps and I feel more proud to be me, thank you!

    – Asher

    • Holiday Ciocia says:

      Hi Asher,

      I’m sorry to hear that life has been tough for you recently. It sounds like you have found some support with your parents, but it can be hard when your whole family does not accept you. I am happy you found our family here though. I am very proud of you! Sending lots of love.

      • Virginia says:

        Dear Asher – I think you are so brave to make a stand for yourself. I am so glad you’ve found us here.I hope things get better for you very soon. You are loved!
        Mom Virginia

  9. May says:

    I just want to say to all the Holiday Moms (and Dads), thank you so much for writing these letters. I cry tears of happiness every time I read the letters because no matter what kind of day I am having those words remind me I am loved by so many people here. So I say to my Holiday Families, I love you and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    With love,


    • Angelic says:

      Hi May,
      Yes, you ARE loved by so many here (and elsewhere too). We are so glad that you found us and that you are a part of our holidays. You make us all merrier. 🙂 Lots of hugs to you, sweet May.
      Much love, Mama Angelic

    • Virginia says:

      Dearest May – Your response makes it all worthwhile. It is my pleasure to help you find some extra happiness this holiday season. I’ll certainly be thinking of you this holiday.

      Love, Mom Virginia

  10. Robert says:

    Thank you. This is so beautiful. I can just imagine showing up with my cat Ari in his carrier, bringing some hand painted decorations I made to add to your tree. You warmed my heart and made me feel so loved. You made me smile and feel so loved today.

    So count one more short bearded man coming in with a Siamese longhair cat on his walker, ready to help celebrate this beautiful midwinter at your hearth!

    • Chey says:

      WoooHOOO! My kids can’t wait to meet your kitty. I’ll be sure to put the dogs in the bedroom. We are working hard to make our house accessible to all, and now we are extra-motivated. Can’t wait to have you over.
      We love you,
      Mama Chey

  11. Hanna says:

    Reading these every morning make me cry with joy. I am so blessed to have found this place of love. Thank you holiday mom for the hope you give me. Thank you. Love your holiday child.

    • Chey says:

      Hanna, You are a dear. You come and get as much hope as you can handle. We’ve got plenty, just for you all. It’s a joy for me to read your comments and to know that we can give virtual hugs to so many. Thank YOU for being here to recieve them.
      We love you,
      Mama Chey

  12. Riley says:

    This is my first time here, and your letter made me cry. I’m 34 yrs old I’m transgender female to male. My mom died when I was 10 and my dad died when I was 22. I’m not sure how they would have reacted to me being trans but I try not to think of that. I’m very happy you all are here to write letters especially for the younger kids who’s parents reject them. Thank you for your kindness, your time, and your love.


    • Peg says:

      I am so sorry for you loss; especially at such a young age.
      I’m sure your mom and dad would be very proud and accepting of you. They loved you very very much.
      I Love You,
      Mom Peg

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