I wanted to take some time to sit down and remind you just how amazing you truly are and how important you are to myself, and those around you, especially at this time of the year, when life can feel overwhelming and sometimes full of sadness.
First and foremost, you are incredible. You have a hidden strength that you yourself may not even be aware of. It is true. And if you ever doubt it, I am always here to remind you of this. The world has people who simply don’t understand the simple beauty of acceptance and humanity, but there are so many more that get it, and accept you for all of you.
I am a firm believer that we are all capable of loving others. Gender does not matter. You fall in love with the person – all of them. Their heart, their soul, their compassion, their humour and kindness. The key to love is to love someone who equally loves you back. The person who steals (or has already stolen!) your heart knows how incredibly lucky they are to have you. Others around you may find your choices difficult and you make you feel like you have done something wrong because you don’t fit into “Their” definition of what is right and what is wrong. Sometimes we can stand up to them and fight for what we believe and know that things will be okay, but often the fight is so insurmountable that the idea of being alone and bullied is just not worth it.
My little brother came out to us when he was 11 years old. I have never been more proud of anyone in my life. To know yourself and to feel comfortable sharing that with your entire family is a momentous thing and I know he was pretty scared to tell my folks. But we are extremely lucky. Your adopted grandparents not only embraced his openness but supported him and made sure he knew that it didn’t change a single thing, especially how they felt about him.
He was not so openly accepted in high school and was beat up horribly by bullies in his high school. He spent the next ten years feeling very scared and sad outside of our family and even went so far as to start dating (and later marrying) a girl he was friends with in school. They had two beautiful kids but he was never truly happy. As an outsider looking in all you want for the people you love is to not only find love and happiness but to always be true to themselves. It took some time but he has now found a man that he loves and who loves him. Of course there are ups and downs – that goes with every relationship on the planet – but he is himself and I want nothing less than that for him and for you too.
What seems like an unbeatable burden or difficulty right now, will pass. I promise. Your future is yours to write. You get to decide exactly where you want to go, what you want to do and most importantly who you want to be. You don’t have to stand up and try to push anything right now. What you do have to do though and remember just one thing: each day, each minute you are growing into this amazing and precious soul who will do magical things with their life. You have made me proud every single day and nothing will ever change that.
If ever you feel lost or scared or just unsure of the world, please know that I am always here for you and will always love you and believe in you.
With love, pride and the warmest of hugs,
Your adopted mom, Tobes