Your Holiday Mom: Tina

tina under tableTo My Dearest Adopted Holiday Child,

How are you?  Can you believe that the holidays are almost upon us again? The holiday plans are underway already and I imagine you here with us during this exciting time! I know that there are times when you feel alone and that there is no support for you. We want you to know that we support you, unconditionally.  We love you and are excited for your present and your future! Do you have anyone special in your life?  I hope you know that we will welcome you both with open arms and giant hugs when you arrive! I will probably be so happy to see you that I will get a little soggy eyed, but if you can see past my tears you will see that I am proud of you and love you every day.

I hope you will be able to make it home a little early. We are going to go over to my parents place for the annual tree decorating affair a couple of weeks before Christmas.  Sometimes I think this day is even more fun than Christmas itself. Remember if you come to bring a new decoration for each member of our family. You know how fun it is to open the decorations which are each hand picked and representative of our personalities and tastes.  I so loved the beautiful brass ohm decoration I received last year. Each year our trees show more of our personalities!  My parents tree is so big.  It’s 10 feet tall, it’s just too bad that mom can’t have real trees anymore due to her allergies and that they now have to have a fake tree, but we have a blast decorating nonetheless.  Everyone’s ornaments will be brought up and it is always such a trip down memory lane as we bring each ornament out of the box.  We get reminders of places we have travelled to, good times we have shared and family jokes.  Like the racoon ornament we gave my dad last year in honour of his raccoon trapping adventures in the back yard with Fred next door. This is the first time we play Christmas carols in the house, we always play our favourite albums which of course includes Boney M Christmas and Christmas with Nana Mouskouri! We can’t help ourselves when we burst into song when our favourite carols are playing.  Usually my mom is making her famous lasagna which you can smell baking in the oven which tempts us to hurry up and get that tree done, but by the time we have snacked our way through the Christmas cookies, chocolates and candies we are always stuffed!  After the tree is decorated we sit down to have a family meal.  My husband is still new to the family but managing to fit right in, as will your special partner as they come to know us better.  My son will be turning 9 just about this time of year as well and he is very special too.  He loves all things fairies and mermaids and unicorns, but not to forget the lego and super heroes.  Though is favourites are always the lady superheroes!   It’s not hard to find things he likes, I usually just go looking in the girls sections for the toys! At least everyone in the family is loving an accepting of those things which we really have no control over.  Did I mention that the humour element in our family is really important!  You should know, we all love comedy!  After we finish eating supper we all gather round to watch “Christmas Vacation”.  It is one of the best comedies ever.  We laugh and laugh and laugh together.  Regardless of whether we have seen the move a hundred times before.

After we head home and go to sleep after an exhausting day there is usually a couple of weeks to finish up our shopping and wrapping gifts. I hope you and I can have some extra time just the two of us to go out and have a day in the city looking for a little special something for yourself and your partner.  I know there are times when your love doesn’t feel valid, that acceptance seems far away and even impossible.  You need to know that you are never alone when you have your adopted family with you, be it in person or in your heart. You are loved and accepted, no changes required. Before you know it, Christmas will have arrived.  If the weather holds, my grandparents, who are in their 80’s, will come to town from the country where we all originally hail from. Christmas eve celebrations are kept relatively low key. We will keep a more traditional Ukrainian meal which will have no meat, but have 12 meatless dishes.  After the meal we will have kutia (wheat) for dessert.  I love wheat! we only get it twice per year so better make the most of it! After dessert as we relax with coffee and carols we will play a family game or charades or Pictionary.  It is always a big laugh, especially when the grandparents have to act it out. We try to wrap up before midnight as little A needs his rest as a growing boy. And we know the excitement of Christmas morning will have us up early in the morning.

Christmas morning will be low key in our home with just our little family. Fresh coffee and cinnamon buns with maybe the odd chocolate treat here and there.  We will exchange the personal gifts we have for each other and also see if there are any goodies in our stockings on the mantle over the fireplace.  If it is really cold we will light a fire in the fireplace and stay warm in our fuzzy winter pajama sets which we love to wear.  Don’t worry , we don’t all have to match this year! Make sure you let us know if we need to buy an extra set for someone special.  It is very important to us that you both feel welcomed and loved in our home. I’m sure eventually my mom will call to find out when we are coming over and of course, once we leave home and head over there for midday dinner, all the chaos will ensue.  Amid the chaos we will know how much it means to us that you let us welcome you and don’t hide yourself from us.  We are behind you 110%. Always.  Especially when it’s time for the wrapping paper snowball fight!  DUCK!!

Loving you always!

Your adopted holiday Mom,
(see, I’m already getting tears in my eyes)



  1. edgar says:

    Dear Tina,
    I wish I could string words together to help you understand how wonderful it is to be able to read the letters you post. Your words have brought such joy to my heart. Thank you so very much

    • Tina Fedun says:

      Dearest Edgar,
      I want to thank you! Thankyou for taking the time to read and to let me reach out this way. It fills my heart with joy to think that I can give a little bit of love and light to one who has need of it. From my heart to yours, with love!


  2. Kathy says:

    Thank You! This is nothing I’ve ever had, or ever will have but you’ve made me feel as if anything is possible.

    • Tina says:

      Kathy you do have it, from me to you. Heart to heart. I know it must feel as if you are missing out, but the truth is that everyone else is actually missing out if they have not welcomed you into their lives!
      Tina xo

  3. Marni says:

    Dear Tina,
    Though my wife and I are well beyond the rough years of coming out and now have very happy, healthy relationships with our families, your letter brought tears to my eyes. I hope that those reading your letter get that warm fuzzy feeling that comes with knowing things WILL get better and that there are those who truly do love, accept and support them. I want to come to your tree decorating affair!! 🙂
    Thank you for taking the time to write such a wonderful letter and for the love and warmth of your heart.

    • Tina says:

      Thank you Marni. It’s my pleasure. I’ve seen first hand how deeply it can affect a family when love & acceptance aren’t given freely. I don’t want my son to grow up in a world where anyone isn’t accepted for who they are.

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