Your Holiday Mom: Sophie

angel candlesTo my dearest holiday child,

I know the holiday season, whichever holiday you celebrate, can be a tough time, a lonely time.

The thought that you are out there, maybe on your own or surrounded by people who don’t understand, or don’t want to understand what you have been through and maybe still are going through, saddens me.

So, this year, join me and my family in our Christmas! Now, I’ve experienced basically three different Christmases: Christmas with my biological family, with my step family and Christmas with my in-laws. I’ll just run you through all three – you take your pick where you want to go this Christmas. Or even if you have a different idea altogether, it’s all open to change!

In my biological family, we meet up at my mum’s. For you and me, that’s quite a drive, but we’ll happily make it – trust me, it’s worth it!  Once we get there, the rest of the family arrives, dragging food, chairs and a huge table along. Prepare for some hugs and kisses; everyone will be so happy to see you there. We all contribute a little to the dinner; you could join in if you want, or help me make my signature cake (I’ll share the recipe with you)! Before we eat, we’ll catch up. Everyone will be asking you questions too: where have you been, where are you going? It’s alright if you haven’t figured that out yet, it took us a long time to figure out what we wanted to do too. And some of us are still unsure about it! After catching up, we’ll make the last preparations and set the table. In between the courses, everyone has to pitch in and do some dishes. We could team up if you’d like. I’ll give you the choice: washing or drying? I don’t mind either. I’ll ask if you’re having a good time (I really hope so!), and remind you that you are welcome to be who you are here. We’re an open family and we love you no matter what. During the whole dinner, my family will get a bit loud. I hope you don’t mind. We don’t really do gifts, but as I’m so happy to have you here, I’ll get you something regardless. Something small, something personal. I’ll probably spend the whole year trying to think of the perfect gift, something that suits you and will remind you of the family you have here. After dinner is over, the family will be departing, everyone has to get home, and will be told to drive safely. I’ll give you the choice: we can either make the long drive home, or stay around my mum’s for the night.

With my step family, things are a little different. We meet at my step-mum’s house; the whole family gets together there. We’ll talk about anything and everything, whatever you want to talk about. Anything goes, so feel free to speak your mind. My biological dad makes the dinner – he’s a fantastic cook! There’s something for everyone, so don’t worry about having to eat something you don’t like. You can pick what you like and eat as much as you want. My step-mum will have got you a book of some sorts, and like the rest of us, you’ll be asked to open it at a random page and read out a small bit. Even if you don’t like reading, she’ll find you something that suits you!

With the in-laws, it’s more of a “typical British Christmas”: my mother-in-law makes a fantastic Christmas dinner: a turkey, stuffing, potatoes, all kinds of vegetables – you name it, it will probably be there. There will be a lot of presents underneath the tree. Knowing me and my mother-in-law, most of them will be for you. We like to spoil our children, and this year and any other that you choose to join us, that includes you. I will try my best, but her presents will best mine any day – she’s just that awesome. We will have dinner, watch some tv, unwrap the presents and share stories, experiences. We’ll have a laugh, we’ll have a cry, anything goes!

One thing all these family get-togethers have in common is that the family is accepting. We accept you, your decisions. Your dreams, your hopes, your fears and your flaws. Everything and everyone is welcome, we won’t judge you, we accept you. If there is a special someone in your life, they are welcome too!

At the end of the holidays, you’ll probably have to get back to your life. We’ll be sorry to see you go, but you’ll have loving memories to keep you warm in dark, lonely times and our support and our love continually, in the good times and the bad.

I know holidays can be tough, but this season, know that you are in my thoughts, in my heart and in my family. I’ll light a candle for you each day, that you might find what you’re looking for and live life the way you want to.

Know that I love you and think of you, my wonderful child,

Mum Sophie

17 comments

  1. Phoenix says:

    Reading this letter helped transport me to all of those places and made me feel right at home. It’s Christmas time, and this has not been a good time to be around family for a while.. Things used to be so nice over the holidays when my grandmother was alive, but after that and since I came out as bisexual, my family have not smiled as much and tried to have serious talks with me about my life choices. I also live with a mother who’s openly called me a sick freak, though I won’t be for long. My friends have always been supportive, though, and reading your letter and all the letters on this website remind me that there are still good people. So thank you for writing this.

    • Mum Sophie says:

      Dear Phoenix,
      I’m glad my letter (and the other letters) gave you comfort and maybe even a sense of belonging.
      I’m sorry to hear your grandmother passed and how that affected the mood in the family.
      It’s good to hear about your friends, I’m glad you get to be your true self around them. Keep them close!
      Lots of love, take care and a big hug,
      Mum Sophie

  2. Danni says:

    I would like to just start off by saying that this letter nearly made me cry. It just gives me this fantasy that seems so… perfect. My mom is the only one besides one of my cousins, who’s Asexual, who knows. She says she accepts me as Pansexual, but keeps saying it’s just a phase. She made me “break up with” this girl that I was almost kindof dating, and now won’t let me hang out with her or my other two bisexual friends. She also took away most of my privilages the same day I came out to her. I feel bad, because she does try her hardest, but she’s not as accepting as she thinks she is. But now, when something happens and I get depressed, I’m going to think of you and this wonderful Christmas Scene you’ve painted for me. I don’t know you, but… I love you. Thank you.

    • Mum Sophie says:

      Hello my sweet Danni,
      I’m sorry to hear your mom’s not as accepting as she thinks she is. And I’m glad you found comfort, acceptance and love in the other mom’s and my words. I speak on behalf of the other moms when I say that we love you and you’re welcome in our hearts and our families.
      I love you too, darling.
      With a lot of love and hugs and take care,
      Mum Sophie

  3. Barbara says:

    I’m pansexual and genderfluid. My family know I’m pansexual but they keep making fun of it and me. My dad doesn’t acknowledge me. When he does he says mean things and today he told me to go kill myself because he saw my scars…. I was just about to do that until my boyfriend told me to look up this website and your letter stopped me from doing it… thank you

    • Lisa says:

      Hi Barbara,
      I am so sorry that your family does not accept you for who you are. I am soooo glad that you found this site, and all of us moms here who send you TONS of love for EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE!! I think you are beautiful, and an incredibly brave soul, and I am privileged to know you. You can come back anytime you need an extra dose of hugs and love and LIGHT when you need it! We are here for you! And thank your amazing boyfriend for sending you our way, sounds like he loves you a lot too! xoxo

      Love
      Your Mom Lisa

    • Mum Sophie says:

      Dear Barbara,
      I’m so sorry to hear about your family situation. I’m glad you found us and found comfort in our words, give your boyfriend a big hug from me for suggesting the site! He sounds like a good guy and I’m glad you have him in your life! I think you’re a beautiful person, inside and out. Someone once told me scars are just tattoos with better stories. They show where you have been and show what you have survived, what you have overcome. They’re not ugly, they are beautiful because they’re a part of you.
      Take care, sweetheart.
      A lot of love and hugs, for you and your boyfriend,
      Mum Sophie

  4. Abigail says:

    Ive been self harming and suicidal and I almost relapsed but I found this website and it actually helped a lot and I just wanted to thank you >.< Im pansexual and my family doesnt know- They make fun of gays and whatnot so its really stressful but yeah ^.^ Reading these helps a lot cx

    • Mum Sophie says:

      Dear Abigail,
      I’m so sorry to hear that, I’m ever so glad this website with all its supportive and loving messages helps you. You are loved here and you’re most welcome in our hearts and families, no matter your gender or sexuality. I’m sorry to hear your family isn’t as accepting, but know that you have a bunch of loving holiday moms here regardless!
      Take care, my darling.
      Lots of love and warm hugs,
      Mum Sophie

  5. Peyton says:

    This really helps me a lot. I’ve been suicidal, but things like this help put a smile on my face :)

    • Mum Sophie says:

      My dear Peyton,
      I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been in such a dark place, sweetie. Please know that you are not alone in how you feel and that there are people out there that can help.
      Take care, sweetheart!
      Warm hugs and a lot of love,
      Mum Sophie

  6. Sophie says:

    Wow! We have the same name! I really love what you guys do here, It always makes me smile!

    Love you all!

    • Mum Sophie says:

      Hi Sophie,
      Haha I suppose this is a little strange! You’re welcome here either way!
      I’m glad to have helped put a smile on.your face!
      Take care and with a lot of love,
      Mum Sophie

    • Mum Sophie says:

      Dear Sophia,
      You’re most welcome, my darling. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
      Happy holidays and take care of yourself!
      Love,
      Mum Sophie

    • Mum Sophie says:

      Dear Adam,
      You’re most welcome, dear. I send you my love and a lot of hugs. Know that I’ll be thinking of you.
      Take care and be who you want to be, sweetheart.
      Love,
      Mum Sophie

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