Your Holiday Mom: Elizabeth

Elizabeth casparian picDearest Holiday Child,

I am such a complete sentimental bundle of emotions at the holidays and so as soon as Thanksgiving ends, I am all about letting the people around me know how much I love them and how very much I am looking forward to celebrating with them this holiday season and YOU are not gonna get away without having to tolerate all my gushy, mushy emotions!

We have always had ‘extra’ people around our table during the holidays -sometimes because they cannot get home for the holidays, or they have no place to go. I have three children – one gay son who is 24, one straight son who is 22 and one queer daughter who is 18. I cannot imagine how hard it would be for them not to have a loving, welcoming, accepting, and joyous place to be at the holidays – so if you want to be in our warm, boisterous, loud and food-filled home, please join us! Our kids keep coming back and bringing their friends, so we feel we are doing something right! YOU will fit right in and will be laughing along with us right away.

We will decorate our tree on my birthday, which is December 11 – I’ll be 52. Our eldest and his boyfriend will join us – there is nothing like having two very dapper gay men (both of whom work in retail!) to help with decorating – ha ha – they know I’m kidding, but they are both better at untangling the lights than anyone else. Typically we will order take out and sit next to the tree when it is all done. This year, I am going to bake my own cake – mostly because it is really the only cake I want to eat. Chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate and a family recipe.

Our middle son will join us after his college exams are over. He loves to bring home other kids (two for Thanksgiving) and he also loves to cook – mostly meat – such a carnivore. He will sleep alot over the three weeks he is home and have a ton of friends over and they will stay up too late at night. We will all play Cards Against Humanity together. The kids like that their Dad and I have somewhat dirty minds and do not get offended by this great game! Have you played? Hard to describe, but “Bees?” and “Assless Chaps” are my favorite cards. I suggest to get a group of friends together and play sometime.

We have a ton of family coming to celebrate Christmas with us too. I am so grateful that everyone is loving and accepting of all of our kids – although my daughter has not come out to her grand parents yet….it took them some time to completely accept our older son, so she just wants to wait. It is a little hard when my mother-in-law wants to know what kind of guy she is interested in – but she also keeps trying to buy my great, smart daughter cashmere sweater sets, and , trust me, that’s not happening either. My kids are just who they are, and because we love, adore, respect, admire and support them as such – the rest of the family learns to do so as well.

We all love to EAT and have many holiday traditions around food. Everyone is required to help cook and/or tidy up. We make chex mix and buttercrunch toffee as gifts and we make all kinds of special foods for dinner – always meat – not many vegetarians in this house – but so many vegetable side dishes and desserts that no one has EVER gone hungry.

We also have dogs – two big ones. They love everyone and will out their big, soft heads in the lap of anyone who needs a little extra comfort. Dogs’ ears are therapeutic!

I am sending you love and hugs because you are special and valued.

Love,

Your Holiday Mom, Elizabeth

12 comments

  1. Gi says:

    Dear holiday mom, Elizabeth

    My name is Gisselle and Im a 22 year old from Mexico. You make me cry from start to finish. You are such a wonderful mom to your kids. I would love to be in your house right now. It seems like a fun, peaceful, warm place to be. All is good here, I have my mom that knows who I am, but it would make me so much happier to tell the rest of my family. Hopefully I’ll see you around here next year, when I could tell you that I brought my first girlfriend over for Christmas dinner.

    Thank you so so so so so much for your loving words.
    Sending you lots of hugs from Sonora, México.
    Your Holiday Daughter, Gi

  2. Summer says:

    Hi, I’m actually in tears reading this. It’s so powerful, and I even come from a loving family! I am 17, almost 18, and I know my parents (dad and step mom especially) would be supportive of me being pansexual- but it is STILL such a scary thing! Just today, I was in a store when a really cute girl came up and talked to me and I really wish I could have gotten her number! But I was with my mom and I just don’t know if I’m ready for her to know. I keep thinking I might not ever tell them unless I end up in a serious relationship with someone who’s not a guy. I just don’t know. Everything is confusing! Anyway, I really do love you. Thank you so much. Hope your children are all well. (PS- how did they come out to you? Might give me some idea, haha)

  3. Miranda/Miguel says:

    Thank you, Holiday Mom! I’m going to try to come out to my family of me being a non binary homoflexible man. My parents are very accepting people but little misunderstandings makes me doubt it sometimes…
    Well, I may come out once school starts so I can ask my school counseler what to do also if in emergencies if I can stay at their place for a short time.
    Anyways, wish me luck, mother! C:

    • Elizabeth says:

      Dear Miguel/Miranda,
      I wish you SO much luck! You are very wise to have a support system set up so that in case you do not get the response from your parents that you want, you will already have people to go to for support – this is smart. Parents are funny – they want to be supportive, but there is usually a whole lot of their own fear and baggage that comes with their desire to be accepting. Try to be patient and give them time. Gender issues are evolving quicker than most people can keep up with, so give them time to digest new information and remind them that you are still the child they love. I hope it goes well and that you know how special and brave and strong you are.

      Elizabeth

  4. Kylie says:

    Thank you so, so much for this. I’m 17 years old, pansexual and agender. I come from a very broken home where I’ve never been accepted or loved for any part of me. Reading this sent me into a long, hard, crying session. This was a beautiful reminder that the people to whom I am related by blood does not have to be my family. I can bring new people into my life and build my own family of friends that love and care about me. Your children are so lucky to have you as their mother, and it fills my heart with joy to know that families like yours exist.
    Much love and good wishes,
    Kylie

    • Elizabeth says:

      Kylie,
      I am sorry that your family has been so hard on you. It isn’t fair or easy – but yes, you can create the family you need in your life and you will have all the love, support and acceptance you need and deserve. You sound like a strong and smart person, and I know you will be able to surround yourself with the people you need – and they will be so lucky to have YOU! Happy holidays,
      Elizabeth

  5. Kia says:

    Thank you so much! I have a mother who can be rude and speak out against things i believe in and I’m sure if i came out (bisexual ) she would not accept me. Logging onto this website, this was the first thing i saw and its so nice to have someone be an accepting mother. I have an accepting dad but it’s difficult because i don’t get that motherly comfort or someone to gossip about who i like at school with. I’m 14 and I’ve known i am bisexual for two years. Please do you know anything that could help my mom accept me?

    • Elizabeth says:

      Kia,

      It can be so hard for some parents to get over their own fears and to learn to put aside what they have learned – but it is possible. You first need to surround yourself with people who love and support you, and then give your mom more chances. It may never be perfect, but I bet over time it will be better. There are lots of other people in your life who you can find that warm and safe relationship with – and that may be the best route – not all mothers are the gossipy fun kind no matter who their children are. YOU will find that in all kinds of places if you are open to it. I hope that helps a little. Sending love and hugs.

      Elizabeth

  6. Becca says:

    I can’t really describe what a relief it is to read these letters. I’m only 14, and I think I’m pansexual, but I’m too scared to come out to my parents just yet. Reading these helps give me the courage to keep working on the letter I’m writing to my dad to come out, and what I could be missing out on a supportive family as I’m hiding another year.
    Just, thanks for making these, you’re making a huge difference in my life.

    • Elizabeth says:

      Hi Becca,
      I am so glad the letters give you hope – they do that for me too! I think it is wonderful that you are writing a letter – it gives you a chance to say what you really want to say and you can re-read it before you send it to be sure. My advice would be to be sure you have some supportive friends before you send the letter so that if you need extra support, you have it. Be patient with parents, it takes time for them to digest information that might be unfamiliar and scary. Most parents come around with time. Just be sure you have people to support you while you wait. You are brave and strong, but you don’t need to send the letter until you are ready.

      I hope it goes well. All the best in 2015.

      Elizabeth

  7. Bethany says:

    I love your letter. I’m 35, and I have my own child who is 10. I assumed that at some point I would stop caring that I was shunned by the family for being gay (I came out when I was 21). Last year the family said they “accepted” me and wanted to change and have my daughter and I as part of the family. That lasted one holiday season. So your welcome to your kids is beautiful, and thanks for your letter.
    Bethany

    • Elizabeth says:

      Hi Bethany,

      Thanks for your note. YOur family clearly realized what a loss it was to not have you with them in their lives on a regular basis and it is really too bad that their own issues made it hard for them to continue to support you.I hope you know it is ALL THEM and NOT YOU! They are really missing out on knowing you and your daughter. How lucky she is to have a mom who will love and support and respect her as a whole person! You have broken a chain and helped make the world better through your own parenting. Thank you for that Happiest of Holidays!

      Elizabeth

Leave a Reply