Holiday Mom: Momma Phyllis

Holiday Mom: Momma PhyllisDearest one,

I am an “older Mom” with 2 grown daughters.  My one daughter has 4 sons one of which is part of the LGBT community.  The other daughter has Cerebral Palsy and is in a wheelchair.  Having this unique situation has helped us reach out to others with open arms during the holidays and other times.  We want you to feel welcome in our home through this letter and welcome the warmth and affection we have for you.  Our minds and souls embrace you.

Cooking is not my strength but we gather together at my daughter’s house and rejoice and enjoy her wonderful dinner.  I buy an ornament for each member of my family representing something they have done that year.  That includes the 3 dogs!  Each is marked with their name and the year so when they are adults they can put them on their tree.  This year I will include one for you.  Though not in my daughter’s home you will be in our hearts.  Close your eyes and think of each one of us embracing you with warmth and love.  Hopefully you will know you are not alone but part of the barking dogs and the holiday chaos of 4 excited kids and adults.

The holidays can be difficult.  But there are sooo many people in this world that are accepting of diversity.  People have tried to “cure” my daughter of her Cerebral Palsy.  We know that is not going to happen.  She lives in a group home and my family makes sure they can celebrate too.  I make flower arrangements and bring them to their home.  I will think of you when I design the centerpieces.  Just imagine the smell of the evergreens and the look of the pinecones and flowers on their table.  Please be part of the celebration with us.  We all laugh together and enjoy each other’s company.  We  make sure they are left with a feeling of love and know that we are all the same.

Our family holiday will be different this year because we will all have you on our minds.  Though we do not  have a large number of family traditions we are a close knit family and love one another unconditionally.  We want you to be part of that even though you are not physically with us.  You will be in our hearts and part of the dinners, the gift opening, the tree decorating and the laughter and love that abounds.  Cherish who you are and remember there will be people keeping you close throughout the whole holiday season.

Love and hugs,

Momma Phyllis


  1. Lore R says:

    Thank you for this. I’m trans and I’m not straight either, and while a small number of my family knows and is ok with that(it’s basically 4 people), it’s just the younger more liberal ones, and I still have so much trouble dealing with my dad’s homophobia and transphobia. And when everyone else in you family cant know, the others have to be quiet and family becomes a never ending cycle of hearing unwanted “she/her/hers,” especially on the holidays. But if there’s anything that makes me feel really great and hopeful, it’s people from older generations who are either lgbtqia themselves, or who are accepting. Because I dont see that enough. Happy holidays to you and your family.

    • Kelara says:

      Dear Lore,

      My big brother is trans/genderqueer (I’m bi with a lesbian wife), and I just got to hang out with him for the first time in a couple of years (big continent, small budget). I know what you mean about that special kind of comfort that comes from knowing older queer folks. I’m not sure exactly how old you are, but my brother and I are practically forty (yikes) and I still teared up at the snapshots from a 20th anniversary of a lesbian couple’s wedding I saw this week–but I also feel proud as heck of the younger kids coming out today. You guys are our future and you’re doing a pretty great job.

      Hang in there. You’re made of good stuff. Thanks for being you.

  2. azzie says:

    hello mumma phyllis i still havent came out to my parents that im bi cause im scared how theyll react reading your letter made feel really welcome i actually have a mild form of spina bifida so i understand how you daughter feels mine is a mild form so im still able to walk but ive had 1 surgary on my back to help me when i was 5 im 16 now and its afecting me alot more but i keep my head held high even though i know that sometime in the future i might end up in a wheel chair but reading your letter made me smile and feel loved thank you for welcoming me into the family merry christmas from new zealand

    • Brigid says:

      Hello azzie!
      I hope you’ve had a good year! Remember you are perfectly loveable just the way you are. Best wishes to you for a sunny and bright holiday season! Merry Christmas! Hugs!

  3. Keith C says:

    This made me really smile and feel warm inside. I live in a household with a very strict and unaccepting mother, who doesn’t like the fact of me being LGBT. It gets especially hard around the holidays. You sound like a terrific mother! I’m jealous of your children(and your dogs)! I’m sure this holiday season will be a great one for you and your family.

    • Momma Phyllis says:

      I hope your inner strength helps you through the holidays. It is a tough time for so many. When things really bother me I often think of the serenity prayer even though I consider myself spiritual rather than religious. I hope you can love yourself for who you are and know you never have to change. Thanks for the kind compliment. I am keeping you close.

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