Holiday Mom: Trish

m20161202My Little Love,

The holidays are nearly here and I’m counting the days to your visit home! Dad and I have been busy stringing the white lights on the house and along the front fence. We are feeling extra festive this year so we have two trees. When you pull into the drive you will see the big tree with white lights in the great room. I haven’t put any ornaments on it yet because I know you love to do that with us. We’ll listen to Christmas carols on the hi-fi and drink the special hot chocolate that I only make at Christmas. Your moose mug is washed and waiting. A second tree is next to the fireplace in the family room. This one isn’t formal, we used colored lights and the ornaments you made when you were little. (I saved every one of them, and wrote the date on the back!) The little tree is my favorite, because it reminds me of all the things I love in you; your warm and generous heart, compassion for others, and your insatiable craving for adventure.

Your pet ducks will be swimming on the pond out back. To amuse you, daddy hung lights on their house too! He hung lights on the barn, the shed, and the pump house! Our farm is probably visible from space. Your black lab JJ is doing just fine. While it’s cold out, he can usually be found sleeping in front of the fire. He has missed you and will be thrilled to have you throw his ball for him.

I was afraid your room might be chilly. There’s a new winter weight down comforter and flannel sheets on your bed. Won’t that be cozy? If you like the comforter you are welcome to take it back to your apartment. I thought maybe you could use an extra.

This was going to be a surprise but I can’t keep it inside! Dad ordered matching Christmas jammies for you, me, himself and JJ the dog! Daddy is such a child at Christmas, I love that about him.

Well, just a few more days until you arrive. This doesn’t need to be said, but I will do it anyway. We love you. Any version of you is welcome and wanted in our home. Please don’t feel that you need to meet anyone’s expectations except your own. If you should decide there is someone special in your life, that person is welcome in our lives too. Honey, we will love who you love, because we love you.

Love, Mom


  1. Dylan says:

    Dear Mom
    I missed you so much! I hope the weather is good there. And I made some ornaments to put on the trees. I even made JJ one too! Don’t tell dad but I got him a framed picture of him and JJ for Christmas. I started to take drawing lessons at school. I’ll bring some of my drawings home to show the family. My favorite drawing is one of JJ when he was asleep by the fireplace. I can’t wait to see you soon!
    Love, your gender-fluid child, Dylan
    Also, is it okay if my girlfriend stops by and visits?

    • Mom says:

      Darling Dylan,

      Oh I can’t wait to see your delightful drawings! You were always a talented child and I love that you have learned to express that wonderful energy in such a meaningful way. Dad is going to love his gift, I just know it. And how thoughtful are you, my sweetest, to think of JJ? Doesn’t surprise me at all.

      Of course your girlfriend is welcome here! I will set an extra place at the table and make up the guest room in case she decides to stay over.

      Maybe you’ll want to take her for a walk down by the pond? She would probably love to see your ducks. Speaking of which, daddy and I almost acquired a new duck this week. Poor fellow was frozen into the ice in another state. He had to be chipped out! Animal control took him to the dog pound because they realized he was a pet, not wild. Your old mama saw his picture on the shelter website and called to adopt him. By the time I called he had already been placed with a family. So that’s good – everyone is home for the holiday.

      We love you honey.

  2. Dalton says:

    Dear mom thank you for excepting me I love that you are no one else accepts me its a shame they think its a joke ..i got 3 cats!! Cas, Daniel , Phil I hope you like them I know you like dogs but it will have to do they were alone and you know how I am !!

    – your trans daughter

    • Mom says:

      Precious Daughter Dalton,

      Your identity doesn’t confuse me. You are a person first, one who in this house, we cherish and love.

      Dad and I completely dig cats! When you live on a farm cats are standard issue. We have two cute little buggers running around here as well, both are jet black. Mikey is 7 and an ambassador to his species. Like Ted Bundy, he’s handsome, charming, smart, and deadly. Every morning he goes out to the barn and catches his own breakfast then promptly returns to apply mouse breath kisses to any face he can find; his brother, the dog, me, the postman. The motor on this guy has no off switch. Our other guy, Hampton, is 5 and a gooey mess. We run the risk of drowning in his slobber. The complete opposite of Mike, Hampton is mama’s boy. He’s a strict vegan which was a little strange at first but you know how dad and I are – everyone can make their own decisions about how to live. Even the cat. Hampton would cry when we gave him canned food and then beg for cereal. Cats are wonderful little family members. Please bring yours along when you visit. We’ll watch movies and love on whoever needs it.

      Merry Christmas My Dear,

  3. Ezra says:

    Hi mom,
    It’s amazing to hear I’m missed,
    Thank you so much for letting me stay,
    I can’t believe there’s two trees! Can’t wait to see that haha
    I can’t wait to see the ducks in the pond, the lights sound amazing too.
    I can’t thank you enough
    Putting up decorations to Christmas music has always been my favourite thing to get me into the Christmas spirit, I do adore a singsong

    • Mom says:

      Ezra Our Love,

      Of course you are missed honey. You are valuable and our family would have a tremendous void if you weren’t a part of it.

      You are in luck! You know how cheesey daddy and I can get. Dad plays Christmas carols on the piano, I play the violin, and both of us sing. Hopefully you won’t be bashful and you can join right in. Let us know your favorites and we’ll practice before you get here.

      Safe travels darling one.
      Love, Mom

  4. Alex says:

    Hi mom.

    It’s been a long time since I’ve said that. I miss you mom. I miss the big black lab with a grey beard that slept in my bed. It is cold here, in more ways than one, and I’m so excited to be warm and safe. I miss playing with the ducks. Two trees this year? The house must smell amazing, sweet like pine sap and cocoa.

    I can hardly believe you saved all those decorations. My bio-mom used to do that, but threw them out when I told her I prefered to be called Alex, and used ‘they’ pronouns.

    I guess its not snowing there, if the ducks can still swim. It’s snowing here. Everything is so pretty under the snow, all clean and soft with no sharp edges. I love the way the snow seems to glow at night, in an almost unearthly way.

    With love,
    Your holiday child Alex.

    • Mom says:

      My Cherished Alex,

      We seldom see snow here but it does get chilly (by my standards). Your ducks can swim all winter long! Dad checks their pond every day to make sure it doesn’t freeze and no one needs rescuing.

      When we get a hankering for snow, daddy and I drive up the mountain in the old truck. He’s had that Ford longer than you’ve been alive. Even if someday he earned a million dollers he wouldn’t drive anything different.

      Change is hard for some people to accept. You didn’t change but your bio-mom’s perception did. On the inside, a lot of us are still ten and we react poorly when we’re scared. I am certain your bio-mom regrets tossing your keepsakes.

      You are on the right path; enjoying the snow and the beauty around you. A fresh blanket of snow seems to make everything clean and new again, doesn’t it?

      You’ll be ok honey. Everything changes and it’s good that it does. A new year will bring new opportunities. Go forward with confidence and know you are loved. You are valuable. You are perfect – just as you are.

      I’ll make some cookies for your visit. When you smell cinnamon, be reminded that your virtual mom loves you and always has your back.

      Love, Mom

  5. Cassidy says:

    Hi Mom!

    So happy to hear everyone is doing well! I’m so excited to be home for the holidays. Those matching pjs will be the cutest, even if the corniest 🙂 I’m so glad to be so welcomed!!

    Your holiday child, Cassidy

    • Mom says:

      My Sweet Cassidy,

      I love how excited you are to wear your new jammies! Your boundless enthusiasm is a trait dad and I both cherish in you. When you get here I will bake cookies and we’ll watch Christmas Vacation, just like always.

      Love, Mom

  6. Wenxin says:

    Hi mom. I’ve missed you and dad too. I can’t believe you still kept all those ornaments. My skills with tape and glue must have been very impressive for a 5 year old if they haven’t fallen apart yet. Here…have some cupcakes. I baked them for you. Erm…don’t mind the burns on my arm…I’m afraid I’m not very good at taking stuff out of the oven.

    I’ve missed JJ too…I can’t believe he’s so big now…are you sure it’s the same dog? You didn’t switch him for a full grown lab? When did he get so big? Hmm…I wonder if he’ll still like to cuddle up to me while I read in bed. He was my best friend. I wonder if he remembers all the adventures we had.

    It’s been a rough year…and it’s been so hard being away. Thank you for accepting me into your lives. Thank you for being there when I struggled with my gender identity…and supporting me even when I realised I was comfortable with being a girl, and thank you for not saying that all that fuss about wanting to be a boy was just for attention. Thank you for accepting the fact that I’m biromantic…and loving me the same.

    I love you mom xxx

    • Mom says:

      Precious Wenxin,

      No worries Luv. You inherited your culinary calamity tendencies from good old mom! You know how I adore cupcakes, and well, anything you make.

      Yes, JJ remembers his best friend. You two will pick up like old times. You always do. Watch out – he still carries that slobbery mailman doll and drops in on our faces when we least expect it. Haha. Some things never change, do they?

      Forging your own path in the world is scary but you’re doing just fine Honey! You’ll get there. I tried to raise you to have enough confidence to go as far as your heart desires and live whatever life you were meant to. Your choices are fine. Perfect. Whether it is your own child or your fellow human, love is never the wrong choice. Always choose love.

      It will be a wonderful holiday,

  7. Aleja says:

    Dear Momma,

    I’m sad and glad to tell you I came out to my family this year. They still love me, I was so afraid. My Dad (who was the hardest to come out to) has become my strongest ally and fights for me. I have my home family holding me close this year, and find I will pass these letters to others. I will miss you and your letters dearly, as they held me close in a year and season I truly needed it.

    Thank you Momma.

    • Mom says:

      Dearest Aleja,

      Thank you for sharing your wonderful news. I am proud of you for going forward and just being you. Your dad is a good man. When you love a child, nothing will ever change what’s deep down. He loves you. Your journey, though it has been painful, will be an asset to you. Now you have a unique perspective on life. I have no doubt you will use your gift to show compassion to others in need.

      Much love to you always,

  8. James says:

    Hi mum,
    I’m glad to hear that you miss me and you’re excited to have me home, as not many people seem to want me around now. Everyone loved having Alex around, the straight girl, but nobody seems to want James, the gay boy. I miss you mum, and I can’t wait to come home! I’ve missed JJ too, I haven’t seen him in a whole year! I love you mum, and I can’t wait to be home!
    Love, your son James xxx

    • Mom says:

      Darling James,

      You are a person, not an orientation. Some people are gay the way some people have blue eyes. While I am aware that a few of the people around me have blue eyes, I spend zero time thinking about it. I don’t consider if it is wrong or right to be blue eyed. We don’t need to make special laws applicable to people with blue eyes. You should partner with a person you love, work in a profession you enjoy, raise a family if you choose, and just be the best you that you can. You don’t choose your eye color, or your orientation. Certainly it shouldn’t be a deciding factor in whether or not you deserve to be loved. Your holiday mum thinks you are perfect just the way your are – and I am almost never wrong.

      Enjoy this time of reflection my dear. Be proud of the path you’ve taken and think ahead to your new adventures in the coming year. Let there be joy in your heart.

      Love, Mom

  9. Daniel says:

    Hi Mom,

    I’m so happy that you’re excited to see me, I haven’t had people be excited to see me in a long time. I’m so happy that I get to spend time with you.
    Oh wow two trees! I’ve never seen two trees in one house before and I’ll definitely help you decorate the other one. I’ll reminisce in the ornaments I made on the other tree, I could look at them for a long time. You can probably tell when I was starting to feel like a boy because my artistic style had changed from pinks to blues and purples. I’m happy to be myself anyway I wouldn’t want it any other way.
    I feel like I haven’t seen JJ in forever, and I remember him because he’s a bigger version of my own pupper. He is always welcome to sleep with me, I love cuddling. Thank you so much for the comforter, I’m a baby when it gets cold and I like being warm.
    Thank you so much for letting me into your home, this gay little transboy appreciates it. And don’t worry I’ll definitely play with the ducks!
    Love, Your Little Daniel

    • Mom says:


      JJ is going to love having you home to cuddle with him. Maybe you two would like to watch a movie in front of the fireplace? He is going to want to share his slobbery mailman “baby” with you. Haha. I will bake cookies. Welcome home honey. Love, Mom

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