Holiday Mom: Momma Rain

m20161201Dear Holiday Child,

I always feel like I’m in such a whirlwind for the holidays once Halloween passes. There are two meals to prep for and with autism and sensory issues that’s a chore but I consider it a labor of love. Dad won’t eat turkey, buddy boy won’t eat anything wet or mushy but since he’s a teen now he makes up for his lack of variety with sheer volume. Bitty girl has type 1 now. She will eat anything but now I need to keep track of recipes and everyone knows i like to ad-lib while I create. Thanksgiving will have turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, steamed vegetables, gravy, pumpkin pies, my world famous chocolate chip cookies, rolls and my personal favorite -candied yams. Did I cover everything or was there anything you would like me to add? I’m so scatter brained.  Are you going to be bringing anyone special? Is there anything they would want to help them feel included if there is a special someone? We just want you to be happy so they better be good to you. Oh! If you can stay the whole weekend we are going to spend black Friday hiding from the shopping zombie mobs and will start decorating the tree and eating left overs. You have such an eye for detail and daddy doesn’t participate so I could use the help. He’s not a scrooge he just doesn’t go for the big holidays but if we can find some good Christmas movies I can guarantee some daddy couch time bonding.

It’s chillier now and I’m looking forward to using the fireplace and having some cocoa. I think there is nothing better than to pack everyone in on the couch with hot drinks and watch movies. That’s what we did for Buddy’s birthday. As tight as we were packed in, it was sad too because you weren’t there with us. We’ll have to make it a more regular event so you can get some “couch snuggle time.” Maybe we can get some canasta in, and no, it’s NOT an old lady game -even though I did learn it from your gram and papa.

The night before Yule we will all open one gift, SURPRISE its pjs… yeah ok so that’s not a surprise its tradition. Your grandma is a stickler for nice pictures opening gifts and it stuck. For Yule for dinner, I haven’t got a clue. Help me out here. All I have plans for is opening gifts, breakfast and coffee and just hanging out watching movies and stay in our jammies all day with a fire. Honestly I’d order a pizza if they were open and we would just be lazy ALL day. What would be a nice low key dinner that sounds festive? Am I asking for too much? I’ll have to think on that and you do the same.

I miss you and I hope this letter finds you well. I would love to hear from you more! I love you and I am proud of you. Keep your chin up love, its tough out there. What do I always say “you’re a purple alien” you are not purple and we both know it but you can ignore that because it’s so off base and not true. Even when stupid people say stupid hurtful things you have to remember that no matter what you are not purple and don’t listen to stupid people. You are a wonderful, thoughtful kind loving soul and are so much better than those who would try to bring you down. You are loved and worth loving. If anyone says otherwise, send them my way –Ill set them straight (hahaha pun not intended… like a bi woman could set anyone straight!) With all my love and best wishes for your days until I can see you again. The kids and daddy miss you too.

Momma Rain

10 comments

  1. Tyler says:

    Dear holiday mom,
    I remember writing a similar letter to holiday mom last year that really stuck out to me; at that point I wasn’t completely sure of who I truly was but I knew I had figured out the gender I was attracted to and I hadn’t had any questions about that, I knew that was strictly who I was. But this year had been a time of discovery, huh? (Including a surprise knee surgery that I got about two weeks ago (caused by a car accident that I was in a couple of months back) which has been quite a difficult issue to come over due to dysphoria and things along the lines of that) As 2016 fell into place (so slowly) I realized that I wasn’t completely happy, I was missing something still. This adventure caused me to fall back into a horrible depression and start therapy (adventures were supposed to be fun I thought?) and nothing really seemed as in place and orderly as I had once believed. I began to finally come to sorts of my jumbled mess of a brain and began to accept myself for who I was (to admit, embarrassingly, I’ve spent more nights than I can count laying in bed, crying and praying to some god to be fixed, to be everything my parents wanted, but for the best, I was never “cured” by some god because that’s no what was supposed to happen). After so many months of denying the fact that I am transgender (out of pure terror of what my parents would do to me if they found out, I never wanted to disappoint them). I guess I don’t really fall into the classification of “lucky”, growing up in a republican/conservative Christian household, my family has far different beliefs and views than me, they are not aware that I am bisexual or transgender, and maybe if they did know their idea of me would change, but despite that they’re a fairly loving family, which is good enough for me for now. I wouldn’t trade the situation I’m in and what I’ve gone through for the world, these are but lessons that come and go and maybe I’m not happy right now, maybe I won’t be happy for another ten years but I know someday it will come, I’ve learned that happiness is fleeting but you can find it in anything if you look hard enough. I have a couple of supporting friends and a beautiful (also completely supporting) girlfriend that make this life a little bit easier, and that’s the best thing I could ever ask for. Well momma, I’m sorry for rambling on about my entire life story, I’m sure you have hundreds of better things you could be doing other than reading this letter, but I really needed to get it out yeah? In conclusion, I love you and I look forward to these letter every year, all of them are amazing in comparison but there’s always that one that really sticks out that you know you’ll be reading all the way until next year. I’ll go ahead and wrap this up, thank you so much momma for this letter and to the joy you bring me, and a bunch of other people who need it equally. Stay safe and remember I love you more than the world.
    your FTM trans son,
    Tyler (Atticus H.)

    • Momma Rain says:

      My beloved son! I am glad that even though this was a trying year, you have found something valuable… YOU! You are such a wonderful child. I can tell you that regardless of the picture we paint in our heads of what we hope for our children the most important thing we focus on is their happiness. I hope that your adventures in finding yourself you have found an appreciation for who you are. The parts in our pants (or lack of?) do not define us. I am a woman, I dont focus on that when I think WHO I am. I am pagan, I am an avid reader, I love action movies and tend to cringe away from what society sees as girly. I am nurturing which truly is gender neutral. I am an animal rescuer/volunteer. When I think of who I am, that is what comes to mind. Baby, nothing was more important to me than reading your letter. I read every word and held you in my heart. I cried for your struggles and I celebrated your accomplishments. The Gods will never “cure” you of who you are. You are special and amazing. When you start on your next adventure know that you are loved and momma is here as well as dozens of other amazing moms. We all love you and are so proud to call you our son. Thank you Tyler for letting me be your mom.

  2. Synthia says:

    Dear mama Rain. Thank you for accepting me and inviting me to your Yule celebration. I’m glad to find people who also celebrate yule. I think Mac and cheese might be a low key dinner. Thank you so much for accepting me. Coming out was hard as my mother didn’t seem to want a daughter. How is daddy doing. I hope you have a wonderful yule and thank you for not being ashamed of me. Thank you sincerely, your living transdaughter Synthia

    • Momma Rain says:

      for some reason my reply went somewhere else but im going to put it here now.(im not so pc savvy as i age..) My dearest Synthia,
      You are a wonderful daughter and are worthy of love.I hope your bio-mom will come around, until then me and daddy will always love you and hold you in our hearts. I’m sorry it was tough coming out but I celebrate your strength. What an amazing daughter I have! I could never be ashamed of you and I cant wait til Yule cause I miss you. Mac and cheese would be an awesome dinner as everyone loves it and thats about as low key as it gets. (One year daddy vote for corndogs and mac and cheese to be our thanksgiving feast, hes not a fan of doing things up big.) Daddy says hes about to build a fire if you want to come and be cozy. All of our love and keep warm!
      momma rain

  3. James says:

    Hi mum,
    I’m bringing my boyfriend this year and he’s really excited but slightly nervous to meet you. I can’t wait to cosy up in front of the fireplace with hot drinks and movies! That’s one of the best parts of coming home, everything’s so warm and cosy. I miss you mum, and I can’t wait to be home!
    Love, your son James xxx

    • Momma Rain says:

      Oh baby thats great to hear! If your boyfriend makes you happy and treats you well he has nothing to be nervous about… He sees that you are a person worth loving and that makes him ok in my book. Treat each other well, dress warm and be safe. I love you and cant wait to meet your boyfriend. I cant wait to see you. Hurry home.

  4. Cassidy says:

    Hi Mom!

    Thank you so much for writing; I miss you too! Unfortunately I won’t be bringing anyone this year, but maybe next year.
    I can’t wait to try some of your signature cookies! All your crazy precise recipes will surely be a delight this year.

    Happy Holidays!
    ~Your holiday child, Cassidy

    • Momma Rain says:

      Hey baby! Good to hear from you. Its ok if you dont have anyone to bring this year, sometimes you just gotta wait for the right one and they usually show up when you arent looking. It tends to work out best that way. It also means we dont have to share you;) Not only will there be cookies but Ive been expanding my yummies into truffles this year too! The last batch was lemon, next time chocolate raspberry. I need to stay away from pinterest. I cant wait to see you! stay warm sweetie.

      • Momma Rain says:

        My dearest Synthia,
        You are a wonderful daughter and are worthy of love.I hope your bio-mom will come around, until then me and daddy will always love you and hold you in our hearts. I’m sorry it was tough coming out but I celebrate your strength. What an amazing daughter I have! I could never be ashamed of you and I cant wait til Yule cause I miss you. Mac and cheese would be an awesome dinner as everyone loves it and thats about as low key as it gets. (One year daddy vote for corndogs and mac and cheese to be our thanksgiving feast, hes not a fan of doing things up big.) Daddy says hes about to build a fire if you want to come and be cozy. All of our love and keep warm!
        momma rain

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