Holiday Mom: Dianne

m20161130Dearest and Most Beautiful Child,

I think about you a lot!

You might wonder why that is and maybe you even wonder “how” I see you when I think of you.

I think of you a lot because I remember very clearly how tough my teenage years were.  There was a ton of confusion in the learning and knowing who I was, dealing with impactful life situations and wondering if I was dealing with them well.  Personally questioning my inner confidences and wondering if I had the right to have my own voice, my own opinions and if I shared them, would they be accepted?   These were ever-constant concerns and worries.  I remember so many times wondering if I was worthy of love and acceptance.  I remember feeling insecure, out of place and disconnected.  I remember being constantly critiqued by a parent which did more to lower my confidence and self-esteem than build it up.  This was not a fleeting moment or two in time – this was an important life stage emerging from teenager to adult.  An important part of personal growth as these are the years that pave the adult road of life!

And as I reflect on all of that, I think of YOU – a lot.

I think of you a lot, because I am in awe.  I am in awe of your strength, your courage and the confidence you have in knowing who you really are.  I am in admiration of your certainty or your willingness to question and trust your inner voice.  You are at that same crucial personal growing stage and I am in awe because I was straight, and I always have been.  You have an additional gift that the world, for the most part, is still learning to accept and live with.

Yes, I am in awe of you.  And I love you – sincerely and with open arms.

I do not know what it is like to be in your shoes, to feel the depths of your uncertainties;  learning WHO you really are, determining who you can share this with and how to share it and figuring the best way to ‘come out’ if you haven’t.  And if you have come out, having to stand strong while absorbing deep personal criticisms, insults and discouraging words.   I do not know what it is like to be in your shoes.

I know this is so very, very easy for me to say.  But I want you to hear my words and say them out loud if you need to.  Those who cannot accept are wrong.

They are wrong.

They are wrong in not being able to love you for who you are.

It is my hope that you can shield yourself from all of it and continue to shine your gifts amongst us all.  IF you can find that – if you can do that – if you can move forward knowing in your heart there is a lot of love out there, then I know you can, no you WILL shine!

I pray that as time marches on, masses of these others are able to accept and see you for who you are beyond this unique attribute that is foreign to them.  But I know this will take time and I know there are many who feel it is their right to condemn, show discontent and even extreme hatred.  For you to stand tall must take so much!

I applaud you, love you and am in awe!

I guess what I really want you to know is there are many more of us in the world who do love you!  Who see you!  Who hear you!  Who accept you!  And who can move beyond the prejudices, the anger and the uncertainties to arrive at the real you, all the while accepting your choice or your predetermined fate.  I know there are many, many more people can be open to the other gifts you own – those gifts that are yours for simply being a human.

I have an adopted daughter who is preparing to leave her teenage years behind and she is still seeking and searching for identity.  She had no confidence and chose to travel some thorny roads in her self-discovery.  In doing this she walked away from those who offered her unconditional love – her insecurities were that deep!  As an adult, I understand it and remain patiently waiting for her time to accept this love.  I share this because I have seen how much harder her doing this has made things for her and my heart breaks, but I cannot be the one who fixes this for her.  She has to do this herself.

I hope you see my message here?  As an adult and as a foster and adoptive mom I see it so clearly, but as adults it is not our place to do the fixing, it is our place to support and love seeing you through..  Please hold onto those in your life that are offering you that unconditional love and acceptance. Go to them for advice or to vent out your feelings and frustrations.  Do not allow yourself to build walls and move away – they love you.  And if you do not have anyone offering that, know in your heart they are on their way to you – keep your eyes open for them and welcome them warmly.  AND, if you are really seeking some help or advice or even just an understanding ear check out the following website – www.7cups.com – or search to find a place you feel comfortable sharing and getting answers to your questions.  You have so much available to you and there ARE people who love and accept.

Again, I do not know what it is like to walk in your shoes.

My wish is this letter gives you hope and you feel my love.  Hope in knowing that there is acceptance.  Hope in knowing there is a growing community who welcome you.  Hope in knowing and understanding there is LOVE – for you – JUST you, as you are and as you continue to become.  As for me?

I love you – unconditionally.

I accept you – unconditionally.

I believe in you – unconditionally.

And I know you will continue to find others who feel the same.

Have faith my beautiful child!

Much, much, much love to you as you create your path of life – I can’t wait for you to share your gifts!

Enjoy the holiday season and whatever it brings to you.

Mom Dianne ♥

19 comments

  1. Mom Dianne says:

    Hi Daniel,
    YES! The journey to adulthood holds so much, doesn’t it? I remember way back saying, “I cannot wait to be an adult!”… When it arrived?? lol

    I hear your words and am glad you were able to hear mine. It is something we all do when we have deadlines and pressure upon us that is important to our own individual futures – we tend to push away and this is really when we need to include others the most.

    The holidays are different for everyone – but the one thing we all need to continue to do more of is open up to love and showing we care… in whatever way is best for us. So, I am smiling and feeling so loved that you are going to keep those who are in your ‘circle’ close this holiday season and love them back! Hooray! I thank you and I do believe you will also be paid back many times over!

    Happy Holidays to you Daniel! You are wonderful!
    I love you and believe in you!
    Your Holiday Mom Dianne

    And thanks to Linda for replying to — another mom shining on! ♥

  2. Peaches says:

    Hi mom! This made me feel so much better.. I’ve been going through a rough patch lately and I don’t have a real mom so I figured this would help. You made me smile alot. Thank you Mommy. I’m so glad to feel so welcome and accepted here and I’m so glad that I can reply to you too! I love you.

    • Mom Dianne says:

      Hi Peaches! I am so happy to hear my words helped and put a smile on your face! I love you too!

      Ya know, life presents rough patches and sometimes more than we would like it to… as the years have passed I have learned to simply accept and love the rough patch. BUT, not for long. Do not let it live in your head and heart for too much time – simply thank it for appearing and then wish it well as you push it out the door – with a smile on your face! AND Shine! You were put here to shine and simply be the BEST YOU you can be!

      The Holidays can be a very tough time — seek the little miracles that are there each day and if they seem invisible, please, just smile. Just smile – it does wonders for the heart!

      Blessings – and thank you for the gift of your reply! You put a smile on my face too!

      Much Love — Mom Dianne ♥

  3. Ian Wonderboy says:

    Hello, Mommy,
    This is one of the most beautiful letters I’ve ever read. It meant so much to me, I can’t even express it with words. Thank you for being here, for giving your support.
    Please don’t forget about me, I love you with all my heart.
    Yours truly,
    Ian, your broken transgender son

    • Mom Dianne says:

      Hello Ian!

      Oh, I am here! And now I can hold you near and dear to my heart daily!

      Your words speak so loudly and I love your tag name — Wonderboy! You have to believe you are a wonderboy and quietly realize the gifts you offer.

      I firmly and strongly believe we all have gifts — and you may not know yours just yet, but keep your eyes open and your heart too. Be nice, be kind, be curious and be true to you! Things will start to appear and if your eyes are wide open you will be able to sign off as Ian, my Fully Complete Transgender Wonderboy Son

      I believe in you Ian!
      Much love and strength from me to you!
      Love, Mom Dianne ♥

  4. Cyrus says:

    Dear Mom, thank you. This made me smile
    and lately that’s very hard to do. Knowing that someone cares really helps. My best friends, despite some being LBGTQ+ for the most part have accepting families so
    I try to talk to them when I can but it isn’t always easy. I don’t anyone, even me, fully understands what it’s like to go through unacceptance because of your sexuality, gender, etc because we all go through different things. But once again, thank you. Knowing that someone cares about me is huge right now.
    -Cyrus❤️

    • Mom Dianne says:

      Hi Cyrus!
      I understand your situation and know that it is not easy. Hold strong onto your faith, whatever it is, that this too shall pass and you will see much brighter days!

      Being without family at this time of the year is the most difficult thing – I know. I do hope someone in your circle reaches out to you to include you in the celebrations wth full acceptance, but if not, please know, really, really know that things will get better!

      Wear your smile bright and huge – and know that there are people who do understand. They will start to show up soon I think! I hope! I pray!

      I love you! Keep smling! You are beautiful! ♥
      I believe in you!
      Mom Dianne

  5. James says:

    Hi Mum,
    I found this letter extremely helpful today, as my “real” mum has recently refused to accept me as trans. Thank you for reminding me that I am loved, accepted and believed in. Thank you for reminding me that I have a mum who loves and accepts me, even if she isn’t my mum by blood.
    Love, your son James xxx

    • Mom Dianne says:

      Hi James,
      How blessed to have TWO MOMS! (I used to tell my foster daughter that all the time!)

      I do accept you and I do hope and pray that you and your Birth Mom find some common ground regarding your choices. While I can understand both sides, I know how much it means to have Birth Mom love and acceptance, so I pray it happens for you!

      I do believe in you! I do accept you! And I hope you are able to smile and shine and as I have shared with others, just be the best you that you can be!

      Happy Holidays James!
      Much love ♥♥
      Your Holiday Mom Dianne ♥

  6. Kell says:

    Your letter has left me feeling a lot better. I’ve felt like I’ve lost myself lately. Nothing seems to click right. “What if’s” are always running through my brain. I plan to come out to my sister this year and I am very nervous and not quite sure I can do it but I hope that this “unconditional love” will work in my life just as you have said. It’s taking a lot for me to find (parts) of myself and I think I’ve finally put together most of it. But a little push from loving people is always welcomed and frankly, needed.

    I was watching the “Imitation game” tonight and it lead me to think of how I don’t want people to look at just sexuality, To know that I am more than that. I fear that after I come out that that’s all they’ll see and forget the me they knew before. But I’m trying to have faith and strength to think positive and hope for the best outcome. People may think that I can’t be Christian or conservative if I’m not straight and I want to prove them wrong. That love is complete separate from reason. There is no reason why we love, we just do. And now I think that I may be able to muster up the strength to further my future. Thank you so much for your letter this Christmas and I hope you have a lovely holiday.

    -With love and thanks

    • Mom Dianne says:

      Hi Kell,

      You are very welcome and I wish you much strength coming out to your sister. Your wisdom is huge and spot on! As a race, we should not be so focused on the “sexuality” or the “color” of another, but we do.

      I truly sense there is already so much more to you than your choice and in hearing your written words, I truly believe you have something to not only share, but to help others understand. You rock on Christian and Conservative! I do believe the world is your oyster and you are here to deliver and teach important messages to others.

      Your compassion shows too! I am happy my words helped you feel better. I love you! I accept you! I do believe you have a purpose bigger than you might be able to even see right now! Breathe, enjoy and thank you for the gift of your reply!

      Happy Holidays and more!
      With unconditional love – your Holiday Mom! ♥

    • Mom Dianne says:

      Hi Rob,
      THANK YOU for your reply! That is a gift you give to me and I agree with you wholeheartedly…

      Truth, wisdom, love and sincerity to ALL MANKIND.
      (I am going to toss in authenticity too – as you are strong in showing us your authentic you – we need to be a better mankind in being authentic in acceptance!)

    • Mom Dianne says:

      Thank you Freya — I am so happy I could be here for you as you needed this today. Hold onto it and let it be strength to you each and every day!

      AND, thank YOU for being you! You are amazing!
      I believe in you and hope you continue to shine!
      Love! Happiness!
      Your Holiday Mom Dianne ♥

  7. Nick says:

    Hi, Mom.

    Wow. I’m struggling with what I want to say, so I may write more later, but the first things that come to mind are beauty, love, peace, THANK YOU, and I think we’re all wishing you really were our Mom and not just for a holiday.

    Nick

    • Mom Dianne says:

      Hi Nick and awwww. I am here! If you find the words and decide to write more, I completely welcome that!

      Your gift to me is how wonderful my letter and words can make you feel — and I thank you for that!

      I believe in you! And I do hope I hear from you, but if not, this is our moment in time to move forward with love, acceptance and feeling peace inside both our hearts and minds….

      Much love to you Nick!
      Your Holiday Mom Dianne ♥

  8. Daniel says:

    Hi mom,
    This was extremely uplifting thank you so much. I also have just started my journey to adulthood and this was something I really needed right now.
    I’m worrying about finals in college and being an art major I have four different projects to work on all at the same time and all are due at different times but it’s coming up fast for me. I find myself pushing away the holidays just so I can keep working, but I’m happy that I have this as a resource to come when I need.
    I promise that I will keep the ones who love me close and not push them away. Thank you for your letter, it’s really lifted me up.
    Love, Your Little Daniel

    • Linda says:

      This is a thought for Daniel. Hi Daniel. I’m another mom that loves you. It’s so understandable you’d want to push away the holidays, and you can. But you’re an individual, and that means you can “do the holidays” in your own way if you darn well feel like it, and in the size you want. So even if it’s just taking a half hour out to enjoy some decorations, or maybe something more creative that you come up with yourself, that can be your own individual way to celebrate. Do it if it makes you happy. Love, your extra mom.

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