My Dear Holiday Child


Christmas-wallpapers-06To My Adopted Child,

I wanted to start this letter off by telling you how honored I am to have this opportunity to write to you. I know that this time of year can be difficult and at times it easy to feel alone, despite the merry festivities surrounding us. So I write you this letter to let you know that you are not alone and there are people who are thinking of you.  As your adopted holiday mom, I know that as a member of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer/questioning community, this time of year can be especially trying for you… for many, many reasons.  What I want you to see is that you are not alone because you have me, and all of the other moms who are posting on this blog.  I may not have met you or even know you personally but I will be thinking of you this holiday season and hoping you feel the warmth and love being sent your way.

I don’t know what this time of year, brings for you.  But I do know the road that has led you here has most likely been a difficult road to travel.  I know that you might feel sad because of your family’s inability to accept your sexual orientation. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable bringing your partner to your holiday party or maybe you are not allowed to bring your partner to your corporate party.  I know these feelings bring you a lot of anxiety and that sometimes you may feel ashamed.  But I want you to be proud of who you are and everything that makes you the individual you are.  I want you to know that I would never judge you for who you love.  I would embrace you and your partner with the same love that I embrace my own two children with.  I am proud of you and the strength you show each and every day.  When you are feeling lonely, sad and unloved, remember that I am PROUD of you.  I know it is so incredibly hard living in a world that treats you like your love doesn’t count, that you don’t feel the same way everyone else feels.  But I encourage you to keep sharing your love with your partner.  I want to tell you that your love counts!  Your heart and all the love it has to share with your special someone MATTERS.  We know you love your partner and want more than anything else to be able to share that love openly.  So my advice to you is for you and your partner to continue to love each other and love each other even stronger during this holiday season.  You are a part of each other, you understand each other, you share in your struggles, but more importantly you ACCEPT and LOVE each other.  So don’t give up on sharing your love.

Some people may feel down Others may be feeling down because you feel that you can’t come out, and you are getting so weary of always hiding the real you.  You may have to get all dressed up in a fancy dress that couldn’t be farther from who you truly are, and you’re tired of hoping for the day that you wake up in the body you know really belongs to you, not the one you have.  Pretending to like the football jersey you find under the holiday tree, when all you really want is a purse filled with make-up and brushes, gets pretty old.  Please remember you are not alone.  There are lots and lots of people out here who understand and appreciate your feelings and accept you for who you really are!  I APPRECIATE your feelings.  I ACCEPT you for who you really are!  I ACCEPT every part of you male or female. Your gender identity is real, and you were born with a body that does not match the rest of you.  I want you to take just a moment today to stand in front of your mirror, look yourself in the eye, and see how special you are   Feel my hug as I tell you how proud I am of you for being so brave and never giving up.

I am a mother of two little girls who are age 4 and age 7.  I try to teach them manners, acceptance, patience, and love.  I tell my daughters everyone is different.  That people come in in all shapes and sizes.  I tell them it is not okay to laugh at someone or bully someone because they look, talk, or act different.  My girls have been taught that it is important to be accepting of all individuals.  I have also told my children to embrace their individuality.  I teach them to love themselves, to love what is different about themselves, and to never stop believing that they can do anything they want to do.  As your adoptive holiday mom I am going to tell you the same things: Love Yourself, Accept Yourself, Love Yourself, Believe in Yourself.  Never stop believing that you have the power to make a difference in this world.  You have a purpose. You are important. You are loved.  As my adopted, holiday child, I will think of you often and not just during this holiday season.  I wish for you only the best things life has to offer. I wish you love, kindness, happiness and acceptance.  I want you to know that someone cares about you and wants to make sure you are safe.  There is no one in the world exactly like you and that is what makes you beautiful. You are important.  You are loved.  You are not alone.

All my love,

Holiday Mom Denise

22 comments

  1. Oliver says:

    Thank you for this. I wanted to thank all of you, but I can’t seem to comment on the entire website.
    I’m in the same general position as Nikola, and even though my adoptive parents are doing their best to accept me, spending the summer with parents and sisters who didn’t even try meant that I now live at home again and have a very empty house. These letters nearly brought me to tears because so many talk of large families, and mine no longer seems to want me. Again, thank you so much for writing these.

  2. Cassandra says:

    I have no words for how amazing this was to read<3 I can only hope that I'll be able to go on and one day have a beautiful family and pay forward what this letter did for me!

    • Denise says:

      Cassandra, I have believe you will have everything you desire in life. Never give up on what you want. You will pay it forward every day that you are true to yourself. You will pay it forward simply by being you. You will pay it forward when you achieve your dreams no matter how big or small they are.

      All my love
      Your adopted mom in spirit Denise

  3. Ashlynn says:

    Thank you sooo much for this letter. As soon as I started reading I started crying. It means so much to know that there are people like you who are so caring and supportive. It means the world to me and many others. After reading this I feel more accepted and at ease. It’s been a really tough year for me and tonight I really needed to hear this. Thank you so so so so much. <3

    • Shamama says:

      Hi Ashlynn,
      Lisa here. So glad that this letter gave you much love and support! Know that all of us here at Your Holiday Mom are sending you THE BIGGEST GIANT VIRTUAL HUG right now as you read these words! REALLY! Much love and light, Lisa

    • Denise says:

      Ashlynn I am honoured that my words have had such a positive impact on you. Don’t ever doubt your inner and outer beauty. If there are people in your life who don’t accept you for being you then they are not the ones you should surround yourself with. Keep positive people in your life, who support, love and cherish you. Remind yourself every day that you are important!! Love yourself and others will love you too.

      I wish you love and support now and always.

      Love
      Holiday Mom Denise

  4. Skylar says:

    This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful, kind-hearted, caring individual. You sound like a wonderful parent, and a wonderful person. Thank you for making me feel more accepted and loved than my family has in a long time. Thank you. Merry Christmas! :)

    • Lisa says:

      Hi Skylar!
      So glad you found us! And YES, you are 100% accepted for being just as you are… PERFECTION! Sending you a biggest hugs and even more love! xo

    • Denise says:

      Skylar I am a parent who makes mistakes every day. But the most important thing that I will ever be able to do for my children and the world is to show LOVE and Respect. You are unique not because of your sexuality, how you look, or how you dress. You are unique because you are YOU! Everyone has a purpose in this world! Everyone can achieve greatness. Don’t ever let the negative attitudes of those around you hinder you from being who you are, doing what you believe in, and loving who you love. Dream Big, Dream Out Loud, and most importantly stay true to yourself.

      With much love and support
      Holiday mom, Denise

  5. Evan says:

    You sound like a wonderful parent. Thank you so much. My family has made holidays difficult for years now, but this year is the first that I cannot speak to them at all, nor even my sister. I am relieved for the relative peace, but it still hurts deeply and it really does mean a lot to have the support and love and acceptance of you wonderful people here! Thank you!

    • Lisa says:

      Hi Evan,
      I’m sorry that you are not able to be with your family this holiday season. But I am so glad you found us! Know that all of us moms here love you to pieces, and I am personally sending you the BIGGEST CYBER HUG E-V-E-R, can you feel it? xoxo

    • Denise says:

      Evan if you were sitting next to me, I would wrap you in my arms, give you the warmest and biggest hug I could. I would hold you while you grieved the loss of the relationships with your family. So I hope you can feel that hug. Reach out to the people in your life who do support you, who love you, and who accept you and all your greatness. Remind yourself every day that you are loved and you deserve to be loved. This holiday season, may be difficult for you. So here is what I suggest. Reach out to the people who care about you and begin new traditions with them. Christmas is about being with those we love and those who love us. So start creating your new family that will let you be who you are. I hope this holiday season brings you much love and joy. I hope that you will be able to surround yourself with people who love you and accept you.

      Best of wishes
      holiday mom, Denise

  6. Malori Pettis says:

    This letter made me cry, oh my god. How wonderful it is to have a mother who actually accepts me for once and loves me no matter what. Thank you so very much, and have a wonderful holiday. <3

  7. Marni says:

    Dear Denise,

    Thank you for this absolutely heart-warming letter. Your girls are lucky to call you Mom. Thank you for the open arms and welcoming spirit.

    • Denise says:

      Malori, there is no thanks necessary. I have always believed from a very young age that everyone is important in this world and that everyone deserves to be loved. Malori, I am going to ask you to do something this holiday season. I want you to remember that YOU are important, YOU are loved, YOU have a purpose in life. Don’t give up on your dreams, your hopes, your desires for the future. Acceptance from others may not be easy…but always remember to love yourself and accept yourself. Do not apologize for who you are, how you dress, or who you love. Each and everyone of us is different. Embrace the differences that make you, you. This Christmas give yourself the gift of believing in your dreams. Stand up tall, stand strong, and persevere.
      I wish you the very best this holiday season and in your future.

      Love Holiday Mom Denise

    • Denise says:

      Marni thank you for your kind words. I wrote this letter because I want you all to believe in yourselves. I want you all to know that there is nothing wrong with you. Everyone in this world is different. We are all individuals with our own personalities, traits, features, etc. I want you to know and everyone else on this blog to know that you should never feel that you are not worthy enough to love. You are not alone. The world is a big place and not all of us fit in the perfect cookie cutter parts of the world. Sometimes the best part of ourselves are the parts that make us so unique. Embrace your individuality, your sexuality. Embrace what makes you the person you have grown up to be. Some people may not like you, some may not accept you. But others will love you just the way you are. Surround yourself with the people that bring positivity to your life. Allow yourself to feel loved and be loved. If there are people in your life that do not accept you….then they don’t deserve to be a part of your world. Your world should be filled with the people who respect you and love you. I hope this holiday season you are surrounded by warmth and love.

      All the best
      holiday mom, Denise

  8. Rachael says:

    This had me in tears the whole time I read it. Thank you thank you THANK YOU so so much for posting to this blog and letting me feel accepted and loved for who I am. This kind of support is life changing

    • Denise says:

      Rachel I am honoured that you feel my words can be life changing. So I have a project for you. You will need to do this on your own because I am not there to supervise you or to make sure you do it. I need you to start this project right now! Are you ready?
      1) Look in the mirror and tell yourself you Deserve to be loved.
      2) Keep looking in that mirror — and tell yourself that you Love yourself. No one can truly love you, if you don’t love yourself first.
      3) You can walk away from the mirror now. This next step is going to be a hard one. Stop judging yourself. Accept yourself. You are special, you are important, and most of all there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
      4) Take a piece of paper out, write positive words to yourself — ‘you are awesome’ ‘you are important’. Put this somewhere that you will see each and every day.
      5) Surround yourself with the people in your life that cherish you, respect you, and love you. When choosing a partner…make sure they respect you. Never allow yourself to be with someone who makes you feel like a lesser person.
      6) Set goals for yourself and allow yourself to dream. Aim high and never settle for anything less than what you want.
      7) Remember that you are loved! Love can be shown in many different ways! Allow people to love you. Break down the walls that you may have built around you. Allow people into your life and give yourself permission to be loved.

      My list could go on and on because I wish I was there to give you guidance every day… but I just want you to remember that you are loved and you deserve to be loved.

      Love
      Holiday mom, Denise

  9. Nikola says:

    Thank you for this, it brought me to tears. I am a trans man pre-operation and pre-Testosterone, and I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. <3
    You are an awesome and amazing person.

    • Denise says:

      Nikola thank you for sharing part of your story with me. I hope that there are people in your life that will support you in the journey ahead. I cannot relate to your journey but I can assume that it has been a difficult one and that the road ahead of you will bring many changes. I want you to feel loved and I want you to know that you are a strong man. You are a brave man. You are special. You are important. You will achieve great things!! Stay strong and I send you love for your future.

      Holiday Mom
      Denise

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