Happy Holidays: Mom Sue

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Hi and Happy Holidays!

My name is Sue and I am the mom of three. My oldest son, who is 22, is gay and I am bisexual. I came out later in life, at the age of 46, after being married for 19 years. My purpose in sharing this is to offer some peace, hope, and love this holiday season, along with being here for you, as your Holiday Mom.

I remember the holiday season was upon us, shortly after I came out. It was a time of tension and a lot of negative feelings experienced not only by me, but also by my family members, in-laws and my partner’s family. I felt a lot of guilt and shame, because I could see my decision had hurt people. It took them some time to see that in what they thought was “a selfish decision,” I was being honest and fair. It wasn’t right for me, my husband, or our kids, to go on living the life I had, when I had realized the truth and got to the point of accepting who I was. First, I had to be honest with myself, and then with those people I loved. The freedom I felt for being honest, was indescribable, but so was the pain I felt from knowing I hurt the people I love the most.

It’s been six years since that holiday season. Many things have changed and with time, my son was able to come to accept his sexuality and be open about it shortly after I did. My partner and I both went through divorces, bought a home together. Two months later, my ex and dad of my kids passed away suddenly, three years ago. Needless to say, it didn’t feel much like Christmas that year either, but it still came and somehow we made it through.

This holiday season, I have been with my partner for five years. With time, our families have come to accept our love and see that we are in a committed relationship, just like many of their own. As for my son, he has also been “reborn.”  It hasn’t been easy, but I believe in him and love him more every day for wanting to be who he is and being okay with that!

What I want to share is that no matter who you are, what you have been through, and what you are going through, I am praying for you right now and I love you! You are special and a beautiful child of God whose love for you is great and can overcome anything you are facing. Deaths and rebirths are a part of life’s rhythm. I know I experienced “death” and “rebirth” when I came out. Death of who I thought I was, death of marriage, death of the family unit that was reality for all those years. Although it was rough in the beginning, with time, the honesty brought new beginnings and “rebirth,” peace and serenity, not only for me but for the family as well.

As I look forward to the holidays this year, you are in my heart. My wish for you is peace and serenity at Thanksgiving, Christmastime, and every second of every day from now on. You are in my heart and in my prayers and know that you have my unconditional love, always! I am forever grateful for this opportunity, thank you so much!

Love,

Your Holiday Mom Sue

 

29 comments

  1. Elizabeth says:

    Mom Sue,
    Thank you. Thank you for this letter and thank you for your comment on my post a week or so back. You have made my holidays so much better knowing someone really cares. You are amazing and my heart swells with great love and admiration to you for being such a strong women. Thank you so much for being my holiday mom
    Love from a child,
    Elizabeth

    • Mom Sue says:

      You are so welcome, Elizabeth! You have made a difference in my life as well! Christmas blessings to you~
      Love,
      Mom Sue

  2. Dale says:

    Wow! From my own experiences of coming out as a bisexual individual – I say ‘individual’ as that is EXACTLY what we are – It brings a huge smile to my face to see the love and support people can share with the world and their own families! I, sadly, did not have such an easy transition with my family – mainly my father – and it deeply hurt me to not be allowed to share this peaceful, loving and family oriented holiday with the people I love as a collection.
    You are a tremendous role-model for your kids and as I write this and close my eyes I can feel the warmth that will surround your house these holidays :)
    Thank you for making me smile again!

    Muchness of Love to you and your family Mom Sue!

    • Mom Sue says:

      Hi Dale,
      Thanks for your response!! Hey, my family all had a pretty hard time at first and I understand. Things are not always as they seem on the outside, so this was a “shock” to our families and friends. As in your case, it took my dad longer to come around to accepting the truth and I know he had to do that in his own time, not the time frame I wanted for him.
      I’m proud of you for facing your truth and living your life honestly, Dale!
      Happy Holidays,
      Mom Sue

  3. Amanda says:

    Thank you, Sue. Your beautiful words truly inspire me. I’m a bisexual teenager troubled with the thought of coming out to my mom. We have had many conversations about homosexuals that often end up with me in tears. She doesn’t like the fact that I am friends with people who identify as gay or bi and she told me if I was, that’s it, I’d be kicked out. I am going off to college next year, so hopefully that will make things easier. It has been rough hiding it, though, even ruined relationships. I deeply cared for my ex girlfriend but she ended up breaking it off because I wasn’t open with my sexuality. I regret that I can’t be. Thank you for everything, it’s nice to talk to someone who understands,

    • Mom Sue says:

      Hey Amanda,
      I’m so glad you found this site! As you can tell from message, it was later in life when I came out. I’m a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason and everything in it’s time. You are in the process right now, of coming out…in your honesty in talking to your mom about it, about your friends, just not about you…yet. I had feelings for both males AND females, when I was your age, but that time was 35 years ago, when anything other than heterosexuality wasn’t really accepted. There was no way I would have ever admitted to being anything other than heterosexual either! :) It wasn’t my time, yet…I was only beginning to learn who I was….and then it was another 29 years.
      You are so fortunate to live in this time, when we can live with dignity and be who we are. Amanda, keep your chin up, honey! Keep on being true to yourself and to others, yes I mean your mom too. She will come around, I know she loves you, she’s just having a hard time right now.
      Love,
      Mom Sue

  4. Callie says:

    Sue, I don’t know if I can say this without sounding overly sappy, but your beautiful message brought tears to my eyes. Having quite recently come out to my own mother as a bisexual lady was very difficult and I see how hard it currently is for her to grasp and understand. I’m sorry that your experience was also painful at times, but hearing that you’ve gone on to find love and warmth again inspires so much hope in me.

    And even though I’m also a woman of faith, I don’t often tell myself that God loves me no matter who I happen to love; thank you for helping me remember! If I could give you a hug, I would.

    – Callie

  5. Allison says:

    My Dear Sue,
    Having known you for about 24 years (oh my!), I want you to know how blessed I’ve felt having you in my life for all those years. You are a remarkable woman and mom. All of us – your friends, your family – are enriched each day knowing you.
    Love,
    Allison

  6. Jackie says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, Sue, because – although I’m straight – I can feel so deeply the reality that underneath we’re all the same. We all have that initial sense of shame and being seen as selfish when we honor who we truly are in ways others can’t understand. But oh my friend…what you did in being true to who you are paved the way for your son, and also for so many others. Xoxo

    • Amir says:

      You are a brave and kind individual, Jackie. I too often meet people who don’t recognize the simple humanity that binds all of us together. I enjoy reading your messages just as much as I enjoy reading the Mom’s.

      • Jackie says:

        Amir…we’re all connected…and as we continue to love and support one another, that connection comes vibrantly alive! It’s really amazing isn’t it? This time in our evolution where you and I will likely never meet and yet are very much aware of an intimate bond of oneness…I love it! I read your note just now after seeing your comments on other letters–they made me smile. So it was an even deeper smile to come here and connect with you personally. Thank you for that. Perfect way to begin my day. Xo

  7. Anna says:

    Thank you, Sue. It means a lot to me to hear that from you since it reminds me a lot of my own experience. I felt and still sometimes feel a lot of guilt for the “selfish decision” I made that hurt my loved ones. My family was sure to remind me this Thanksgiving when I told them I wanted to come out to my grandparents that it was selfish of me. They are afraid it might damage my mother’s relationship with her mom and dad if it turns out my grandparents support me (she has cut contact with most everyone who does support me). I’m frustrated and I really needed some sort of confirmation that being honest about myself wasn’t wrong. I hope you have many blessings this season for the blessing you are being to others.

    • Mom Sue says:

      Anna, you are so right to be HONEST! It was very difficult for me to stay strong, when I was feeling guilty about my decision to come out and I let my feelings get the best of me, coming across as very angry and defensive, when faced with family questions and conversations.
      I think these feelings were completely normal, as I felt the need to defend my position.
      However, as time went on, I realized what I needed to do was focus on being myself, the best I could be, which meant being honest, loving and kind to the people who I felt were hurting me. I knew I wasn’t wrong, if I could do that, but what that meant was NOT letting myself get angry and defensive. The only feelings I had any control over were my own and not others!
      Consider this, when dealing with your family, Anna…you are in my prayers.
      Love,

      Mom Sue

      • Anna says:

        Thank you so much. You are such an encouragement to me. I’ll do my best. Although I’m not going to go home for Christmas, I will be calling them and I want to feel the peace and confidence that you’ve found. I’m getting there.

        • Julie says:

          Anna,
          Hang in there. I am Sue’s little sister and I am happy to say that Sue is happier than I have ever seen her. The news was very hard for me to take at first. I couldn’t understand how she could leave such a wonderful husband and kids, and “do this to them”. They were the picture perfect family to me. I was wrong though. Sue never left her family or her husband. There were times of pain and misunderstanding, but her family worked through things and it shouldn’t have been about what I or my other sisters or parents thought. I love Sue and the most important thing to me is that she is healthy and happy. God has blessed our family and our ties are strong. My hope and prayer is for you and your family to work through things in God’s perfect timing. Peace and happiness to you this holiday season and always.

          • Mom Sue says:

            A big thank you to my little sister~Julie, your input as one of the once hurting family members, is so valuable to this project. AWESOME~~ LOVE YOU!

        • Jackie says:

          Anna….I’m sending you lots of love. Just yesterday my little sister was struggling to be honest about her self too. I want you to know you’re so not alone. These feelings touch us all…for many different reasons. You’re already so much braver than you know. (Wasn’t it Winnie the Pooh who said something like that to Piglet?) :) Whatever the holidays and beyond hold for you, you are so worthy of being and feeling loved. There is so much support for you here. Xoxo

  8. Amir says:

    Thank you, Sue. I’ll not be able to be with my own partner this year, but this has given me hope. I remember when my own father died five years ago, and even though this is only the third Christmas I have celebrated in my life, I still carry that pain with me.

    I’m glad you’re so brave and honest with yourself. I wish more people could be like you.

    I wish I was more like you.

    Thank you for doing this. It really means the world to people like me.

    Your Christmas Son,

    Amir

    • Mom Sue says:

      Amir,
      You don’t know what your message means to me! I love you and you can be like me. You will be, in time, when it’s the right time. As you can tell from reading my message, I was a late bloomer. Everything that has happened in our lives,at the time it happens, is for a reason…at least that is what I believe.
      Keep smiling and keep up your hope, Amir :) Your time will come!
      Love,

      Mom Sue

    • Mom Sue says:

      Dylan,
      My strength has come from honesty and openness, in the face of fear and rejection. With the honesty and acceptance of myself, for the person I am and not who others thought I was or wanted me to be, I do have peace and serenity in most aspects of my life now! God Bless you in your journey, Dylan!
      Mom Sue

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