Happy Holidays: Mom LARK

Happy Holidays From Your Adopted Holiday Mom!

No matter what holidays you celebrate, I’ll be right there with you in spirit. I happen to be Christian, but my very best friend is Jewish. You may be neither, but may like to celebrate the Solstice, or Kwanza. I don’t care what religion you may practice. It really doesn’t matter, as long as you celebrate your right to walk on this earth. This is traditionally a time of festivities, so celebrate the light of your being!

I love to sing in the shower. One of my favorite shower songs is “Summertime,” because the second verse says, “One of these mornings, you’re going to rise up singing; you’re gonna spread your wings and take to the sky. But ‘til that morning, ain’t nothing gonna harm you, with daddy and mammie standing by.”  (Hopefully close enough, with thanks to Rodgers and Hammerstein.) 

I sing it because I have a LGBTQ son. I sing it as an affirmation that he is protected as well as loved. When he is old enough to go out into the world at large, we may not always be close at hand, but he will always know that he is loved. We will be there for him.

That is why I offered to become a Holiday Mom. Because you may need some extra loving this time of year. I don’t know your exact situation. It could be that you knew very early on, and hid it away in an air-tight compartment for as long as you could. But then you absolutely had to draw a breath. There are infinite other scenarios, some better than others.

When my son was little, I started a collection of Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars. Not interested. Dolls, especially Barbies as Snow White, Dorothy, and Glinda the Good Witch were what he wanted. I bought them for him. Now that he is older (a high school senior), he makes beaded jewelry and wears purple, his life-long favorite color, whenever he wants.

Now, why am I so understanding? Well, I have two cousins that I definitely knew were gay and lesbian. I have two more that may be. It’s none of my business, so I’ve never asked. But I would not be surprised. And it doesn’t matter. To me, family is family. And love is love. Period.

So, the holidays are coming up. I hope that they do not fill you with dread. I hope that there is someone who loves you unconditionally. If not, you have just not met the right person yet. You deserve to be choosy, so don’t settle for anything less than love.

I’m going to share a little bit of our holiday tradition. I am a recovering Christmas tree and ornament junkie. We have a huge family tree, complete with tiny framed school pictures of our son. Other ornaments tell the story of our family. We also have an angel tree, our son’s own gloriously quirky tree, and a fishing tree (my husband’s passion!).

You’ll be an honorary guest-in-spirit this year – I will hold you in my heart as we celebrate. My holiday wish for you is that you will keep your heart open.

Much love from your Holiday Mom, LARK

 

 

 

25 comments

  1. Jackie says:

    Love how you begin Momma LARK….celebrate your right to walk on this earth. That’s so powerful, and a right we ALL SHARE. The way you love your son unconditionally ripples out to so many. Thank you and much love to you all this holiday season. Xo

    • LARK says:

      Dear, loving Jackie,

      Thank you for your kind words. My heart is filled with gratitude that you walk this earth with us. Blessings to you – and whoever you choose to love – this holiday season.

      Sending a heart hug,
      Mom LARK

      • LARK says:

        Dear Jackie,

        I didn’t scroll down and see your letter to Ally before replying (one at a time, to concentrate my love). Now I know that you are another Mom! None of us know each other, but we are soul sisters.

        Much love,
        Mom LARK

  2. Ally says:

    Thank you so much for doing this. I am a trans female. As you said, I held it back for as long as I could. When I finally came out to my parents last year it went badly and they basically abandoned me. I haven’t seen them since. This will be my second Christmas without seeing my family. This holiday is filled with tears for me, but I am trying to find new ways to seek happiness at Christmas, through the wonderful people who have supported me and shown me what love and kindness means.

    • Jackie says:

      Ally….holding you close in my heart. All those tears are validation of how much you DO deserve to be loved. There are MANY of us moms, us human beings out here who love you.

      I’ve had several conversations with people who have visited this site and express a desire to offer support. Your stories are touching us all. Thank YOU for letting us see you.

      Holding you close, luv and sending hugs and love your way. Xoxo

    • LARK says:

      Dear sweet, wonderful Ally,

      Breathe!!! You are no longer suffocating! I am so thankful that you have terrific friends who give you love and support. They have become family for you, so cherish them! You deserve to be happy!

      While your birth family may not be ready to accept who you are, forgiveness in your heart will benefit YOU. You may consider sending them a Christmas card with our website, http://www.yourholidaymom.com, mentioned, so that they can see for themselves that even people of faith can and do open their hearts. No one is unworthy of love, dear Ally.

      As you and your friends celebrate this holiday season, take time to BREATHE, and open your heart to all of this Holiday Mom love and acceptance.

      So happy that you are unique,
      Mom LARK

  3. Rebecca l says:

    What an awesome thing for all you moms too do, I would gladly be part of this. I am a proud mom of a 20 year old fml child who I love unconditionally , unfortunately not everyone feels that way, my child has endured he’ll over what the medical field calls ” gender idenity disorder” like it’s a disease. I’m so sad for all that go through rejection from loved ones and strangers alike, please know God doesn’t make mistakes and you are all perfect in his sight. Just tonight Cole and his girlfriend were kicked out of her mothers house at 1 am in 32 degree weather when the mom saw my son was trans, ohhh it hurts my heart. So kudos to all you awesome moms wish we could all just love are kids no matter what.

    • LARK says:

      Dear Rebecca,

      Blessings for being a loving Mom to Cole. I hope he understands how fortunate he is to have you. You didn’t say how far along the medical journey Cole has gone, but I pray that it all goes perfectly – if that is the route being taken.

      This holiday, I hope you’ll open your home to any of Cole’s friends who may not be getting the love and support they need at home. I can tell that you have a big heart, Rebecca. As the great Satchmo said, “Love, baby, love.” That’s what it’s all about.

      Please give Cole a big heart hug from me, and I’m sending you one as well,
      Mom LARK

  4. Jess says:

    Thank you so much for posting this. It made me cry but feel better. I really dread Christmas and most other big holidays and summer for that matter, because my mother sends my sister and I to my grandmother’s. I’ve gotten pretty used to her comments around this time of year by now, but this year it’s extremely bad due to her new boyfriend. She won’t stop talking about how excited she is for us to leave and can’t wait for it to be time for us to go, it makes me feel really worthless. I don’t know if she wants me to leave because she doesn’t want to deal with my problems or if she just regrets having kids, but either way it makes me feel sad. Your message made me really happy though. I’m glad there’s a mom like you out there looking after and loving a kid. Thank you.

    • LARK says:

      Darling Jess,

      My parents divorced when I was eight. I lived with my loving Mom, but I was forced to go to my dad’s for a week at Christmas, complete with dreadful stepmother after the first year. So I know how stressful the holidays can be. I hope that your grandmother and sister are more supportive of you.

      Here is a meditation to make Christmas in your heart. Find a quiet place to sit. If you have ever meditated, you know that relaxing your body is important. Breathe deeply. Start releasing all of the sadness when you exhale. As you inhale, imagine that the future is now. You are surrounded by love. You are surrounded by peace. You are surrounded by joy. This is what Christmas is all about – love brought down from heaven. Breathe in, breathe out. You can create this sense of calm whenever you need to.

      After your meditation, grab a pencil and paper. Start writing down things you could do at your grandmother’s – visit an animal shelter to give love to lonely cats and dogs, maybe donate a bag of pet food as well. Bake cookies (see the recipe I gave David) and take some to a nursing home or fire station. Go caroling in your grandmother’s neighborhood. Volunteer to help serve Christmas dinner at a homeless shelter. I’m sure you can think of other things to do. I know that things aren’t ideal for you right now, but if you use this time at Christmas to give from your heart, it will make YOU feel better. When we get out of our head and into our heart, the world starts to open up.

      And dear Jess, believe that as you grow and mature, things will get better. Always make each day the best you can, learn to forgive, and know that you are deeply loved by your Holiday Mom.

      Sending a heart hug,
      Mom LARK

      • Jess says:

        Thank you so much. You have no idea how happy this makes me. Oh, and I can’t wait to try your cookie recipe. ^^

        • LARK says:

          Sweet Jess,

          I’ve got the biggest grin on my face! You have it in you to create a wonderful Christmas! Enjoy the cookies – and bake extra to share!

          Love,
          Mom LARK

  5. David says:

    Dear Lark,

    You couldnt have come into my life at a better time. I lost both my parents 2 years ago and the pain of not having them around is the strongest around Christmas. Christmas was my moms favorite holiday. She would make cookies every year and put them in christmas tins and give them to each one of us kids. I myself did not come out to my mom til I was 28 years old but when I did she embraced me and said it did not matter because I was her son. My mom was 84 when she passed away and my father was 91. He passed away 6 months after she did. Christmas is especially hard this year because I broke up with my Partner of 5 years, two weeks ago, We where having lots of issues and he was not willing to go to Couples therapy so I left California where were living and moved to Texas. I know in time things will get better. Wishing you a Merry Chistmas, Holiday mom, if you were in person I would ask for a big hug. Love David

    • LARK says:

      Dear sweet David,

      Imagine me wrapping my arms around you, giving you a heart hug. (That’s when we put our heads to the right instead of the left, so that our hearts are against one another when we hug.) Lean into it. Ahhhh.

      This Christmas, be gentle with yourself. You have a lot of healing to do, dear David. Give yourself time – don’t let holiday loneliness prompt you to rush into anything. Write a love letter to your parents. Listen to glorious music. Bake cookies in honor of your Mom.

      We have a favorite cookie recipe – it isn’t Christmas for our son unless I bake these. So I’m going to share. It’s an Alice Waters recipe that I found in a magazine many years ago. (I usually double the recipe.)

      Alice Waters’ Almond Cookies

      1/2 tsp. baking soda
      2 1/3 cups flour
      1/2 cup butter
      1/3 cup water
      1/2 tsp. cinnamon
      1 1/2 cups packed light brown sugar
      2/3 cup sliced almonds

      Mix the baking soda with the flour and set aside. Combine the butter, water, and cinnamon in a small heavy-bottomed pot, and heat just to a boil. Take from the burner and stir in the sugar, then add the almonds. Stir the flour into the mixture. When well mixed, spoon it out onto plastic wrap, pat it into a rectangle – about 4″ by 8″, and wrap tightly. Refrigerate the dough for at least 4 hours, to as long as 3 days. When firm, cut the rectangle in half lengthwise, and slice each half into 1/8″ thick cookies. (Slice very thin for crispy, a litttle thicker for chewy.) Line a greased cookie sheet with parchment or use a silicone mat. Place the cookies 1/2 inch apart and bake in a 350 degree oven for 10 to 12 minutes, or until lightly colored. Makes about 80 cookies. Cool and put in Christmas tins.

      This last part is to do your heart good – take a tin of cookies to a nursing home. Ask the receptionist if you can give them to someone without family (who is not diabetic or allergic to nuts). Christmas is in your heart.

      Wishing you peace and love and, yes, JOY this Christmas,
      Mom Lark

  6. Skyler says:

    Dear Lark…thank you for your message. My Mom and Dad have gone on to Heaven now and Christmas has not been the same since they have gone. You say you are Christian and so am I…because of prejudice and the church being so afraid of this issue I did not come out until I was 30 and didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 48. I have been with him for 9 months now so this will be our first Christmas together. Thank you for showing me it is ok to be who God made me to be. If I were there I would give you a Christmas hug. Blessings on you, your wonderful son, your best friend and your family!! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays my friend and adopted Mom! :-)

    • LARK says:

      Dear, dear Skyler,

      Christmas blessings to you! There are some Christian churches that are not so fearful – the Metropolitan Church, the United Church of Christ, the Episcopal Church are some off the top of my head.

      I am thankful that you have found someone to love and cherish. Now is your opportunity for the two of you to start meaningful Christmas traditions. I hope this will include reaching out to others. Many colleges have some form of LGBTQ club – you could offer to host a Christmas party for those who don’t want to go home – to show them what agape love is all about.

      Love,
      Mom LARK

  7. Anna says:

    Thank you so much for your kindness. I hid from myself until I was 22 years old because I had been taught that people choose to be gay as a willful rebellion against God. I had never chosen this so how could I be a lesbian? When my previously-loving family finally found out, they were scared for me and tried anything to make me change. When that failed to do anything but push me into depression and self-harm they banished me from the house.

    A year later, they lifted that ban and, step by step, I think they are trying to be more open to me. They still hate this part of me and I don’t think they will ever accept it, but something is better than nothing. This Christmas, however, I’m staying away from home… especially after how stressful Thanksgiving was with all of the arguments and confrontations we still had. I am sad that I can’t trust them enough to be close at a time like this, so it means the world to me to have other families extending their love to me. I miss that love and warmth. I used to have it and I feel like being gay shouldn’t make me less deserving. Can I have my own quirky tree too? It would be covered with little model planes, a solar system, some paper-cut-out physics equations, and topped with a rocket. :)

    Thank you again so much!

    • Shamama says:

      You know, it is just a thought Anna, but perhaps you could show them this site? Maybe not, might be all wrong for you, and the thought fill you with horror!…. but if they could see that others ARE supportive, they might not feel so alone, too. Like it’s okay, I’m not the only family dealing with this and I can still really love my child. Just an idea, maybe not only for you, but for others who wish they could find a way to bring up the conversation… No answers here, just ideas… Hugs, Shamama

    • LARK says:

      Dearest Anna,
      You are a precious child of the Creator. With all of the gays and lesbians in my family, I’m inclined to go with the biological aspect of homosexuality and gender identity. (There’s at least one in my husband’s family as well.) I think I first considered the possibility of our son being gay when he was about four years old. There is no way that he was showing a “willful rebellion against God.” And you weren’t either, Anna.

      I can understand your family being scared for you. There are plenty of “ugly” people out there. I am encouraged that your family members are at least taking baby steps toward showing that they ARE your family. I agree with Shamama that this web site might just open their eyes. Along with our letters, go to the tab “About Our Moms.” Some of the replys there are heart-breaking. Your folks may have no idea what it is like to live with so much hurt. If they can understand that you truly need a support system, even if they don’t understand why you are the way you are, that will be taking a big step forward.

      I ADORE your quirky Christmas tree – and truly hope you will do it in real life!

      Anna, many blessings to you.
      Mom LARK

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