Holiday Mom: Wendy B

WendyBTo my fabulous Holiday Child,

As you can see by my picture, I am an animal lover. I live on the prairie in the Midwest so there is a lot of room for them to play. Scooter and Molly would love to see you, but Sophie, the chihuahua, will run under the bed! They are all rescues. Scooter, the beagle, had 5 homes before I got him forever! He snores, but I love him anyway.

I always wanted lots of kids. That didn’t happen, but we were blessed to be able to adopt a son who was born gay, and fabulous like you!  He is 24 now and won’t be able to come home this season, so I am so happy I have you to spoil!

I’d like to give you six gifts. You know I babble on and on when I am trying to share what’s important to me so please be patient. I have thought about these gifts a lot and I hope you choose to take them to heart.

ACCEPTANCE- I give you the gift of acceptance. Do you accept yourself %100? My son tried a long time to be someone he wasn’t and he was miserable. He didn’t want to be different. He wanted life to be easier. It took him until he was 17 to truly accept himself and say it to the world. He lost some friends and  because we live in such a small town, there was always gossip. But you know what? He survived, and nothing feels better than loving yourself enough to accept yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over past hurts, whether from people you love or trying to hurt yourself cause you felt you weren’t enough. You ARE enough!

BELIEF- Believe in yourself and your possibilities. Do you feel like you are stuck and will never live your dreams?  Find a way to move forward every day. Believe that even tho there are some horrible things that happen in this life and crappy people who will treat you badly, there are also many, many people who are rooting for you. I am one of them. If you don’t have a plan or path to walk on, make one. And don’t worry if you get sidetracked, get back on your road! I believe in you and know you can do it!

TIME- I don’t know if you will understand this gift until you get older, but it’s a valuable gift. Time goes so fast, even tho I know some days seem to drag on and on. Try to spend it with people who see how special you are to this world. Spend some time every day giving time to others.  Spend time each day working on yourself too! You are very much loved by me and I want you to be your best true self!

PAY IT FORWARD- This is one of my favorite gifts to give you. Even if you don’t have a penny in your pocket, you can pay it forward. The best part is that you will feel better! When you are feeling low and it feels like you are so alone that you might as well give up- don’t!  Go to places where there are people and give of yourself. You don’t have to volunteer, although that’s great, it can be something as simple as sitting on a bench and watching people and giving them a smile or wish them a great day. If you really pay attention, you will see many lonely people struggling. Maybe you will be the only one to be kind to them that day.

CHANGE-  This gift, only you can see what is in it. Gandhi said “BE the change you want to see in the world”.  I admit I thought this quote was from the movie Bruce Almighty!  Haha but seriously, what do you want to change?  If it is injustices to the LGBT community, get out there and help and stand up peacefully for what you believe in. Maybe you have soft heart for animals or a passion for art or music or whatever is in your soul, get out there and make a difference.

Ok, I can see that I am starting to sound like a Hallmark movie and I did warn you!  The point is, sweetie, that you are so special and so loved, that I want the best for you!  I see the fantastic person you are! I see your heart.  I see the possibilities of all that you can do! I hope you do too!  Please think of 3 great qualities about yourself and then tell them to yourself every morning!!! You are what you tell yourself!!!

I’m done now so let’s go make some popcorn and watch a great movie!  BIG HUG to you!

Love you more!

Mom Wendy

32 comments

  1. Ryan says:

    Wendy,
    This is the nicest thing I have read today. Thank you for taking the time to write a lovely post, it has made me cry to know that there are accepting people like yourself in the world.
    Thank you.

  2. Shelly says:

    Dear Wendy,
    Thank you , what attracted me to you was that you are a dog lover and so am I lol. Your gifts and well spoken words made you stand out. I’ve been struggling everyday for a year now to come out. One day I’ll get there and be able to live.

    • Wendy says:

      Shelly,
      Wouldn’t life be horrible without dogs? They are total, unconditional love!
      My first thought when you said you have been struggling for a year is that you have wasted a whole year probably living in worry and fear. This is only my opinion, but like a band aid, it’s not as painful if you just rip it off! Ask yourself, what are you waiting for? There will never be a perfect time to do it. Get there now and live!
      Mom

  3. Aodhan says:

    Holiday Mom Wendy,

    Thank you for you wonderful message. I’m not a youth. I’m a “Gen X” adult who still feels 16 when it comes to the holidays. I have nobody to support me. People seem to not understand that it doesn’t end when your 21 or 25 or 35 or 55 (ok I’m not 55 but you get my point).

    I’m still trying to believe in myself while at the same time support LGBTQ+ kids. It’s hard. It’s hard to tell them it will get better when it hasn’t gotten better for me. In fact, it’s gotten worse. My parents have never accepted me. They’re “Baby Boomers” and I guess that’s what they know. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. It just makes it lonely for me.

    I have to admit that sometimes I am jealous of the youth today. They seem to have more support and I feel like I’m stuck in this limbo between where I should be as an adult and where I am emotionally.

    I try to pay it forward every day. I have a FTM student ( yes I’m a teacher) and my classroom is the only room where he can be himself. But I can’t be myself. It’s so painful.

    So I can deduct some time and let you be that “Hallmark Movie”?

    I need the Hallmark Movie.

    • Holiday Ciocia says:

      Hi Aodhan,

      I’m a gen Xer too, would love to be your cool holiday cousin (too young to be your cool holiday aunt, lol).

      Maybe we can dust off the old vhs camcorder and make our own Hallmark movie.

      Sending love and light.

    • Wendy says:

      Aodhan,
      I feel your pain in this letter. I think that it may be that you haven’t accepted who you are and I want to know why? You obviously are wonderful! You are a teacher and help change lives every day! You say you try to pay it forward everyday so I know you are kind hearted.
      As far as your parents, I am a baby boomer and guess what? You can teach an old dog new tricks! Some people will always have a closed mind, but most just aren’t educated on this and feel embarrassed.
      You say that the youth today seem to have more support but I am betting there is the same percentage of LGBTQ in your age group out there! Do some research and try to find them!
      I hope something amazing happens and you won’t have a lonely holiday season. I will be thinking of you!
      Mom Wendy

  4. Cari says:

    Mom,
    Thank you so much. I just started coming out as trans to those I know. It’s liberating and isolating and sometimes that closet looks so very inviting again. It’s a safe place, but, it’s full of pain. When Elsa’s parents taught her to conceal don’t feel…I had had that conversation. I should feel ashamed about me. Thank you for loving me, even though you don’t know me.

    Lots a love and hugs,
    Cari <3

    • Wendy says:

      Oh Cari! NEVER be ashamed of who you are! That closet might feel safe, but a closet is a closed, dark space. Look at all of the awareness of trans this year! You are living in a changing time. Sure there are those whose words will hurt you and I’m not saying it will be easy, but there are so many who are supporting you! I know I do! Most people are scared by what they don’t know. I hope you belong to an online or FB support group because there are many who feel exactly like you!
      Even tho life will be harder, the worst is living a lie! Be who you are!
      I love you Cari!

  5. Yaeli says:

    Mom-

    I just came out as asexual to my mother last month. Now I’m not sure that being asexual counts on here, but my mom said,”What about kids? Besides, you haven’t even tried it!” I was very dissapointed by this. I wanted to cry. I told her that I could adopt, and that just the thought of it makes me cringe. The rest of my family does not support me either, and I really needed this today to feel happy! Thank you so much for this wonderful letter!

    • Wendy says:

      Yaeli,
      It is hard for some people to understand why people can’t think and feel like them. They are only going on what THEY know. You know yourself better than anyone else, so just be patient please. I hope that sooner or later they will accept this even tho they may not understand. Moms always have dreams for their kids lives and it is hard to let go of that. Give her time. In the meantime, I love you and totally accept you!

    • Holiday Ciocia says:

      Yaeli,

      Of course you are welcome here! Welcome!

      It can be difficult and frustrating when our family of origin disappoints us.

      Your holiday family is always here when you need us. I wish I could sneak out with you, leave the family drama behind and go have a coffee/hot cocoa/cider etc. break and chat like I do with my other nieces. Take care.

  6. Cassidy says:

    Mom –
    Each one of these things is a wonderful gift and I’m seriously thankful that you’ve reminded me I have them. I really needed this kind of advice today!
    Big hug right back,
    Cassidy

    • Wendy says:

      Cassidy,
      Sometimes I have to take my own advice too! It can be hard when you get caught up in the world and forget to focus on what really counts! I am so happy to hear that you realize you already have these gifts I think that you are the kind of person that is going to “be the change”
      For some reason I feel you are going to be totally amazing!
      Mom Wendy

    • Wendy says:

      Calil,
      Wish I could give you more sweetie. You deserve everything you wish for! I hope you take these gifts to heart and use them. YOU are the best gift!
      Love Mom

  7. Marshall says:

    Hi Mom Wendy,
    I found out about this website through instagram a few years ago and have been meaning to take a look at it, but with all the projects and homework I have had (I’m currently procrastinating right now, actually) I never quite found the chance to do so. Your letter helped me a lot and it made my day. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Its nice to know that there are people out there who don’t even know me but love me just the same. Thank you so much.
    Your holiday son,
    Marshall

    • Wendy says:

      Marshall,
      First of all, I am a major procrastinator too! I find I do better work when under pressure! Strange, huh?
      Some of us creative types are fueled by a deadline!
      I am so glad that you found me today, you made my day too! There are many people out there Marshall that need to feel loved. When you get your homework done, go pay it forward!
      Love
      Mom Wendy

  8. Bethany says:

    “BELIEF- Believe in yourself and your possibilities.”

    It is kind of hard to believe in myself when my own family here doesn’t seem to believe in me. However I do love this paragraph as it inspires and encourage me as I go through my own very similar situation.

    Thank you for the great letter, Mom Wendy :)

    ~Bethany

    • Wendy says:

      Bethany,
      All of the people in the world could believe in you, but if you don’t believe in yourself, what’s the point? Don’t look to others for your validation. Be your own supporter! A lot of people won’t support you because they don’t understand. Help educate them. Do things that make YOU feel stronger. I believe in you and I know it takes time, but eventually you will be so proud to be who you are!
      Love always

  9. Robert says:

    Purr! Thank you! This letter gives me so much heart.

    Today will be a hard day. I have to depend on home care and that may not be enough today for my basic needs. I might get some help from the staff of my residence hotel but I can’t count on that. However it works out, it’s going to be hard.

    Acceptance for me was twofold. It’s been harder to accept that I’m physically disabled than that I’m a trans man, now that transition’s complete. I can be myself, don’t have to explain at random to checkout clerks or people at the grocery, to anyone except medics. But physical disability means still needing constant medical care and its trouble, along with the need for home care.

    It’s been very hard to have to compromise independent living, not be able to do my own laundry at need or clean up where I live, put things where it suits me, bathe when I need it instead of hoping scheduled home care doesn’t take the day off.

    If I am lucky, tonight I’ll have a bath and sleep in clean sheets and ave clean clothes and pillows in a new bed with no bugs after the fumigation. If not, I may be using a bag of laundry for a pillow sleeping on a bare mattress when the bed’s replaced.

    Wish me luck on it, this is not going to be easy and it’s not all in my hands.

    Rob

    • Wendy says:

      Robert,
      First of all, I am happy that you had the courage to be who you are, that takes a lot of guts! Yours is a hard situation because you have to depend on others for basic care. It it what it is and you can’t change that no matter how hard you try, so might help to look at it from a different view. Have you ever thought that maybe you are the blessing for others? I had a friend who had ALS, she couldn’t do ONE thing by herself, was totally dependent on others for everything. But she inspired me and showed me what courage was. She humbled me when I caught my self complaining of little things. She made me feel useful that I could help. She made me feel braver in life.
      I hope you have others to share with, like a FB group of people in the same situation, there is strength in numbers.
      I will think of you every day and hope that you can see that you are the gift!
      Hope tonight you have clean sheets to dream on!
      P.S. I also have cats, but they don’t sit for pictures!

  10. Leon says:

    These letters are the most of hope I have right now. Thank you for putting so much time and thought into them. Thank you for making even someone as scared as me have hope. I don’t honestly know how I’ll get through it, but for now I will try to focus on what’s happening right now. Thank you.

    • Wendy says:

      Leon,
      Some days can be rough, can’t they? You are right to focus on the moment, sometimes even one hour at a time can help. I want to talk to you about being scared. I always told my son “Face Your Fears” because if you think about it, most of them are in your own mind. YOU can create and feed them or tell them you are stronger! Try it! Love you and let me know how it works for you today!

  11. Connor says:

    Hi mom! Thank you so much. Dogs are my favorite so I’d love to spend time with yours. And I deal with mental illness that effects my self esteem along with my gender and orientation sometimes so I really appreciate these gifts. And I want to try starting my day with good things, so I’ll try telling myself 3 positives. And I know you’ll accept me when I want to be called Connor and feel more masculine or when I want to be called Rose and feel genderless. Thank you for this love. Your holiday child/son, Rose/Connor

    • Wendy says:

      Connor Rose, I like the name combo together! What do you think?
      Absolutely tell yourself three things that you love about yourself everyday! One of these days you will wake up and be tired of of beating yourself up because you feel you are different and say ENOUGH!!! I love ME! Whether it’s a Rose day or Connor day, I am just going to roll with it! Because you know what, your opinion of yourself is the only one that really counts!
      You are enough!
      Love you!

  12. Daniel says:

    Good morning mom,

    Thank you for your kind words and wonderful gifts. I will cherish them for as long as I can.
    This letter was really important today, I needed a little positivity to start my day. I have a performance today and I am being allowed to dress like the little man that I am. And that makes me really happy. I can’t wait to get dressed and smile at myself in the mirror. It just makes me so happy when I can be myself, I’m often scared to do so.
    So thank you mom for your wonderful gifts, I will use acceptance and belief today.
    Love,
    Your Little Daniel

    • Wendy says:

      Daniel,
      I am excited for you too! Wish I could see you dressed up! Don’t be scared to be yourself Daniel. There are 7 BILLION people in this world, all different, all the same. Sometimes it helps to sit down and really think what you are scared of. Make yourself happy and be your fabulous self!! Now get out there and rock that performance!

  13. Maxie says:

    Thank you so much for this????????? I will try to remember these things this holiday season. You’re a blessing.

    • Wendy says:

      Maxie,
      I’m glad you liked my gifts to you. You are a blessing too so get out there and bless someone else today. You are unique and there is no other person like YOU!

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