Holiday Mom: Sparrow

sparrowTo my amazing holiday child,

It’s that time of year again isn’t it?  Leaves have fallen here in north Idaho and we can see the snow on top of the mountains. Air is crisp, chilly and the garden has been put to bed. Time to get the heavy coats out and thick blankets for the bed. The wood stove is going and it’s time to start thinking and planning for the holidays. 

For you, special one, I have your room ready. Fresh sheets are on the bed and I’ve made sure you have access to your favorite movies and music ready to go. I’ve bought you some new clothes too, the kind you like. I’m thinking we need to buy you a new coat and maybe some boots too. Anyway, you’ll find your new clothes on your bed. Make sure to check out the pillows too to see if they’re good enough. Of course you know you’ll have to share with our furry boy, Riley. You know he loves to cuddle up with you on these long winter nights. But if you need to, just kick him out of bed if he takes too much space. I’m so excited you’ll be here!

You know I think of you everyday. I send my love out into the world just for you. If I could wrap you in my arms at all times, I would because I know things can get tough out there in the world. I worry about you! I know people can be mean, even cruel. But just remember, they don’t know you like I do. I see the spark and light shining from you and I know the world is a much brighter, beautiful place with you in it. I accept and love you exactly like you are and how you’ll be tomorrow. You never have to be anyone but yourself with me. You’ll always find unconditional love here. I don’t expect perfection from you or for you to have to fit into someone else’s idea of what you should be. I want you to just be YOU! That’s enough! And I want you to love who that person is inside and out. I wouldn’t have you any other way. There’s NO one like you. Never will be. You are a snowflake, unique. Remember that!  

I don’t, as usual, have big plans for the holidays. You know me – I take it day by day. But we will for sure have a big dinner. We’re going to make you favorite dish again. You’ll smell it cooking as you wake up. The whole house will smell like fresh baking bread too. We’ll invite all those who love you to be here too. It will be a full house again with everyone opening their arms to you. This is the family you choose to be with. Your friends. I’ve heard they have surprises in store for you too. I’m sure presents will be involved. I’ll also take you to that movie you want to see. We can also go do those things you wanted to do. 

Until then, stay safe, OK? I do worry about you. I hope everyday you find happiness, love and peace around you. But even if you don’t, remember I CARE! You’ll never truly be alone as there is a place in the world where you are safe, accepted and wanted. Hang in there my most precious one. I LOVE you!

Sparrow Ivy 

51 comments

  1. Kat says:

    Dear mom,
    I love seeing Ryley this holiday and I’ll make sure he doesn’t take up all the room on the bed. Thank you for getting me those clothes they’re just what I wanted. It is so sweet of you to welcome me home. I feel safe here and you make a great mom. They pillows are good you don’t need to worry about those. Thanks
    Love,
    Your holiday child Kat

  2. Sarah says:

    Dear Holiday Mom,

    Thanks for your letter! It means a lot to me. For me, participating in any LGBT community is a bit of a risk because I am asexual, aromantic, and nonbinary. While many people accept nonbinary people, ace/aros are often excluded and are victims of erasure. It was nice to feel like someone was making space for me, even if it was just in a letter.

    I don’t feel safe enough to come out to my family right now and my sister (who is also asexual and hasn’t come out to our parents yet) has lots of anxiety about coming home for the holidays. Thanks again for the encouragement!

    • Yiska says:

      I agree asexuals tend to get erased as I have experienced this as well. Sending support and letting you know I will not erase you or your sister.
      Yiska

  3. Aiden says:

    Dear mom,
    thank you for writing this lovely letter. My family doesn’t accept me for who I am so I’m incredibly thankful that this website exists and that there are people who are willing to spend their time cheering people like me up. This year has been tough on me (depression is so very hard to handle) but this is something I’ve been looking forward to since I first saw this at the beginning of the year. So again, thank you for everything! <3

    • Chey says:

      Aiden, depression IS hard to handle. You are right. Dark days and cold weather don’t help. But these moms are here for you. Hot chocolate, hot tea, warm fire, fluffy dogs. ” . . .These are a few of my favorite things. . .”

      You are not alone. I promise you.
      We love you,
      Mama Chey

  4. Haze/John says:

    You excited me at the thought of non-fem totally nerdy clothes as my wardrobe cause that’s what I want. Now my parents refuse to get me clothes that I want until I ‘lose some inches’ around my waist which is really frustrating cause I have 2 pairs of pants that fit and 2 shirts that I like and one sweatshirt. So thanks a wardrobe that I want though simple would mean a lot. Thanks mom/sparrow.

    ~genderqueer 15 yr old

    • Chey says:

      Haze/John, there are so many gender neutral/non-fem clothes we could get. I hate to shop, but I am good at getting it done. Wardrobe level up, kiddo. Start making a list. It’ll happen for you.
      LOOOOVEEEE,
      Mama Chey

  5. Demi says:

    Tonight is the first night I’ve been to this website – or read anything like this. Thank you for words that I have not yet heard from my own mom, but hopefully will in the future. I’m home from college but am hiding an entire half of myself to avoid the humiliation of being seen negatively in my own home. Sometimes things seem hopeless to me, as I don’t have a family to catch me if I fall, but reading these reminds me why I keep pushing forward. Hopefully one day I can share words that will comfort someone as you have for me. Thank you

    • Holiday Ciocia says:

      Hi Demi,

      It can be hard when you need to hide parts of yourself to survive. You are always welcomed and seen here. Sending lots of love.

  6. Ira says:

    I really needed this! I’ve been having a rough time ever since Thanksgiving, and I really appreciate this letter. This day was kind of my breaking point, so it was nice to end my day reading this.

    • Sparrow says:

      Ira, I’m terribly sorry you’re having such a rough time. Wish I could take it all away. I would if I could. What I can do is let you know that you are important and we do care! You’re very special and please don’t ever give up the fight. You’re incredibly brave and deserve all good things. Keep your light shining. The right people will see it and surround you. Until then, we have your back. We’re here. Huge hugs from someone who does care!

  7. Jesse says:

    Thank you so much. I was able to read this as I was having a really hard time with school, and hearing comforting words like this helped so much.

    • Sparrow says:

      Jesse, sorry about the rough day at school. Seems like days like that are made to push our last nerves. But remember those days come and go, but you still stand. Don’t let the frustrations take you down. Let it roll. Maybe you’re working towards something special. It will be ALL yours Nobody will be able to take it away. That piece of paper is your legacy, so hang tough. Also remember we love you! We care! We’re here! <3

  8. Yiska says:

    Thank you for those words I needed them especially about staying safe as the past two months have been too much. Thank you for your true acceptance and love.

    • Sparrow says:

      Yiska, I am terribly sorry the last few months have been bad. Just know someone out here in the world cares and has a space in their heart for you. Stay strong!

  9. Emily says:

    Holiday Mom,
    Thank you so much for accepting me for who I am, that is really the best and most rare gift that anyone can give me. Also, thank you for the beautiful memories that I am currently unable to make by myself and for helping me to keep hope that it will get better, as difficult as it is for me to believe that. With what people around me say, it is so hard to believe that being genderfluid is okay and that I shouldn’t hide that part of me. Your acceptance and love means the world to me.
    With love,
    Emily

    • Sparrow says:

      Emily, the world can seem full of heartless cruel people or we can find that family, friends, group who bring the heart and love to make the world beautiful. Seek them out. You are allowed to be who you are and accepted as such. Don’t accept any less. There are those out there who will keep your back, keep you safe. Hang tough!

  10. Cassidy says:

    Mom –
    Thank you so, SO unbelievably much for your letter. I needed these exact words today. I can tell you genuinely mean them, too, which is why I’m so thankful to have you in my life.
    I can imagine the smell of fresh bread and the absolutely unconditional love you’re sending and I just can’t thank you enough for letting me know that you truly care.
    Love,
    Cassidy

    • Sparrow says:

      Cassidy, you must have quite the heart yourself to feel what I wrote. I just wish I could deliver them in person. Just know there are good, good people in the world and stick close to them. You need support because you’ve chosen the bravest thing to do – go against the flow. Refuse to be categorized according to other’s ideas. Keep true to yourself. You ARE good enough! You ARE loved. <3

  11. Calil says:

    I just want to thank you and every holiday mom for giving me these letters to read each day of this season when the family I am surrounded by doesn’t say these things to me/accept me for who I am.

    • Sparrow says:

      Calil, remember there is the family we’re born into and the one we choose. Find those who will prop you up when needed. We are out here. And remember you’re incredibly brave. Stay true to who you are, or who you are becoming. It is your path to walk and a true friend, family member will walk it with you. I do hope your blood family comes around and sees the beauty of YOU. Until then, we have you! <3

  12. Gabby says:

    Dear Mom,
    I was in a very bad and scary condition last night and I felt alone and depressed. I’m so glad that this site to exist to provide me for a reason to feel better the next day. I love all my Holiday Moms for being there for me, even if you can’t actually be here.
    Love, Gabby

    • BamBam says:

      Gabby,
      I was feeling alone and depressed last night too when I found this website. I felt loved in a way I didn’t even know I needed. We are both lucky we found Holiday Moms when we were in a bad place. It’s good to have a reminder that we deserve love for who we are no matter what and that there are people who care. It feels good to have you to talk to and know that I also care about you. xo your bro :)

    • Sparrow says:

      Gabby, we are here and you are loved. My heart jumped when I read you were in a scary situation. Please stay safe! There is only one YOU. You are not replaceable. You have a lot of years ahead to find a physical family around you to give you the love you deserve Until then, we’re here. We care. You ARE loved!

  13. AJ says:

    With my health decreasing so rapidly this year I was afraid I was going to spend the holidays alone. Even though I’m now in what is turning out to be a very loving and committed relationship, her parents are very strict with her and don’t seem to approve of me as her ‘girlfriend’ (even though I fall into the non-binary). So I can’t spend the holidays with her. But this blog has really helped me feel a lot of love, and like someone is watching out for me when I’m confined to my bed. I feel a lot less alone. Thanks!

    • Angelic says:

      Hi AJ,
      I’m so glad that you found us here! Sorry that you can’t be with your love, but it’s great to have you join our holiday here. We have lots of hugs & joy to share with you, even confined to your bed.
      Lots of love, Mama Angelic

    • Sparrow says:

      AJ, I too want to give you huge hugs and let you know we are here! We love you and hope those around you see the beauty in you. I do hope you feel better. I’m terribly sorry you’re ill. But it is so amazing you’re in a loving relationship! That’s great!
      Enjoy your time together. Take care of yourself. Feel better. <3

  14. Jillisa says:

    Hello Sparrow and thank you. Thank you for the love that you so freely give. It’s so hard when the very people that should be loving and kind treat me as something that is unclean. They just tolerate and look upon my transgenderism as a thing to be changed.

    Your love has made me feel wanted and warm inside. It has saved me as I was contemplating leaving this world. I am so tired of being a source of pain and embarrassement. I just want to be loved.

    Love you, Sparrow. <3

    • Peg says:

      Jillisa,
      You are loved. Please let me embrace you with the love and support that you need.
      I would be heartbroken if you left this world.
      Please contact a crisis hotline and talk with someone about how you feel.
      Lovingly,
      Mom Peg

      • Jillisa says:

        Hi Mom, thank you for your love. It is truly a mothers love and I love you too. I am not so young dear mother. When I was little, it was dangerous to be transgender. To survive, I had to bury my true self deep within me. I kept that secret for many years. I hoped that by serving God, he would make me normal, a man in body and spirit. He never did. I think he wants me to accept who I am. Accept that I am his daughter. Being his daughter make me very happy if only I am that on the inside. Trying to change my my male body to align with my female spirit only brings pain, disappointment and embarrassment from my little family. I will not put them through that. So I will be male for there sake. This burden is almost too heavy to carry. Forgive me for laying a little of this load at your feet.

        love you,

        your daughter.

    • Nick says:

      Jillisa,
      I read you comments and nearly cried. I was there not long ago. I’m intersex and am.not the gender my parents chose, so I’m also transgender in a way. My parents felt the need to.force me into the role they wanted me.to play.

      Please know that you’re not alone. You’re a strong person, and have a lot of love to give (and get). People, especially family, can be cruel. Don’t let their words or expectations become your truth, ok? Know you’re awesome. Know you’re amazing. Know you’re loved. Know you’re being the best you you can be… and don’t worry about them. It gets lonely and scary at times, but you’ll make it. *hugs* Love ya, Holiday Sib!!
      Nick

      • Jillisa says:

        My dear Nick,

        I love you my brother. Your story brought tears to my eyes as well. You are so brave to be on your own. Here I complain about my woes when you struggle to keep warm and fed. Add to that being alone and my heart breaks. May my love find you and warm you. Never are you alone for we are your family.

        Love,

        Your sister.

        • Nick says:

          Jillisa
          You are incredibly brave. Don’t sell yourself short, sis. You are living with people who don’t accept you as you are, yet you live the best you can… If that’s not bravery and hardship, I don’t know what is. You are strong, and don’t you forget it!!
          Your bro,
          Nick

    • Sparrow says:

      Jillisa, my heart just aches for you! It must be so incredibly tough. I, personally have never had to be as brave as you. I have never had to face the challenges you are undergoing. But, just know that there are good people in the world who do care about you. Please keep reaching out. Please keep reminding yourself that there are good people in the world. Find them! Surround yourself with them. Everyone needs to have someone hold us up when we’re weak. You will find them. We’re here too. We know you’re too precious, too beautiful, irreplaceable! We care. We love you. And if you ever feel like hurting yourself, please get help. <3

      • Jillisa says:

        Mom,

        It is said that love, after all, matters the most. I feel the love you emanate for me. Not only are you a Christmas mom, you are one for Gods Christmas Angels. My heart is full of gratitude. Those are the tears that are rolling down my cheeks. I’ve never had a mom to whom I can express my heart. If you will have as your daughter for just this Christmas season, would bring me great happiness.Either way, I am content. Your love has touched my heart.

        Your Christmas daughter.

  15. Nick says:

    Such warmth. :) I’m freezing in my bus (yeah, I live in an old school bus right now…gotta love phones with data plans, right?), and being warm and comfy in your spare room sounds so heavenly. I just got a job and will have a good check by Christmas. It’ll be fun to buy big bones for Riley and Wynn (my furry pal who is currently snuggled into my back) . Thanks for loving us, Holiday Mama
    Love, Nick

    • Chey says:

      Oh industrious Nick,
      How interesting. You must be at the forefront of the small house movement. I’m glad you have a furbaby to keep you warm. You’d be welcome (all of you) at our house anytime. I’m proud that you’ve gotten a job, and I can remember, very well, awaiting that first check. You rock for keeping on. It’s not easy. You matter, dude. Don’t forget. You absolutely matter.
      All our love,
      Mama Chey

      • Nick says:

        Mama,
        LOL It’s more like the failed camper movement. This is a 22 passenger bus, so all I was able to fit in was a bed, dresser, desk, and a mini fridge I scavenged. I’m in college full-time and now work full-time *cheers*, so I put a latch and lock on the outside to keep my stuff safe while I’m gone. A campgound lets me stay and use their WiFi for my homework. I’m hoping to upgrade to a shed soon… seriously. I can have it here at the campground and my rent will stay the same (all I can afford right now), and the shed will only add $150 a month to my costs. That will be a tiny house!! I can do the plumbing and electric, so that will only cost supplies. So much excitement over something so small… but to live in a house again will be fantastic!! Love, Nick

        • Angelic says:

          Nick, you sound like you’ve really thought it out. Good for you for planning your path. Glad that you’ve joined us here for the holidays, too. You bring a smile to my face. Keep up the good work.
          Much love, Mama Angelic

        • Chey says:

          Seriously, Nick! You are making great plans and great progress. I am so PROUD! You’re an inspiration, Darling.

          Stay warm. Stay strong. And STAY YOU!
          MWA!
          Mama Chey

    • Sparrow says:

      Nick, I lived in a tent one time! Was homeless too. Boy, do I get that! Think that’s why I have the furry ones around. They do offer furry warmth and make good pillows. Stay warm! Don’t get sick. Keep your vit. C up and congrats on the job and soon to be check! Use some of that to treat yourself, OK? You deserve it! You deserve all gravy and good things. Huge hugs, my son. We love ya!

  16. Catt says:

    I really needed this today. I’ve had a tough time this year, and I truly believe that finding this blog has been a life saver. Thank you, for this.

    • Chey says:

      Thank you, Catt, for living. We love you. Today and every day. Come back here often if you need a reminder.

      WE love YOU,
      Mama Chey

    • Sparrow says:

      Catt, my heart aches for you. I wish so much peace to surround you. I also wish for everyone around you to see the beauty and goodness in you. There are good people out there. People who give a damn. Please never give up. You’re too important to the world, to us. You are truly irreplaceable like all here. You’re a diamond. You’re a snowflake. You’re beautiful. Here’s hoping 2016 is a fantastic year for you. And remember, we’re here and we DO care.

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