We will try to keep the hugs from becoming anaconda squeezes, but no guarantees.
Maybe this year you don’t really feel welcome at home. Maybe you’re not welcome at all. Or only welcome if you don’t bring or talk about that special someone, or even the idea that there might be a special someone. Or only if you’re willing to hear people say bad things about gay marriage and gay people while staying silent yourself. Or maybe nobody really means to make you feel unwelcome, but you do, a little, anyway, just because spending the holidays marooned among The Straight People is like that sometimes, even when they love us, and even when we love them.
I have good news for you. You will, in your lifetime, sooner than even you might believe, experience a holiday of perfect welcome. A holiday where everyone is happy to see you. A holiday where everyone really knows you and is really enthusiastic about you exactly the way you are.
That day is so much closer than you think!
Until that time, I invite you to the holiday that exists inside this letter, and at this moment, inside your imagination and my imagination (anybody who doesn’t think that’s real can stop reading books, watching TV, movies, or using any item that began in someone’s imagination: we will bring them Christmas dinner in their cave).
Okay, first and very important: THE TREE. We might be a little overenthusiastic about the tree, but we’re not sure that’s a flaw. We got rainbow ornaments this year! It’s the best!
You’ll notice there aren’t many presents underneath it yet and I am SO GLAD you’re here, because I need a kid like you to help me wrap the presents in secret when the younger kids go to bed. Maybe you tape your fingers to each other on the regular, or maybe you are an origami wrapping ninja — it doesn’t matter. We need you on the front lines of Christmas cheer, kid! You showed up just in time to save the day! We can stay up late and I will tell you all the stupid stuff I got up to in high school. We can watch Christmas specials. Of course there will be hot chocolate!
Did I tell you I learned how to knit socks? Handmade socks are the bomb. I mean, if you haven’t worn a pair you just haven’t lived. It also means there are socks inside Christmas stockings!
Oh, but before I go on: You know there’s nothing wrong with you, right? That you’re perfect and awesome just the way you are? Just let that sink in a minute, because that’s important.
You might notice the handwritten list over there. No, this is not a list for Santa. This is a sign up schedule the kids made to play video games with you. That’s how excited they are to see you. They think you are absolutely the coolest person in three area codes.
We’re not big on turkey here. I mean, didn’t we just have one? Boring! Every year we have a chicken pot pie, and a wide array of Chinese steamed buns we got from the Super 88 market downtown.
Oops! It’s time to turn on the lights. Can you plug in that one over there? Thanks. We have those little candelabras in every window. We know they’re cheesy. We don’t care! We love it.
How did the driveway look when you came in? Do I need to shovel more? My girlfriend won’t show up until later, but I want to make sure there’s room for her car. You will not believe the baked goods this woman is bringing. I have long harbored suspicions that she has powers in the baked goods area that transcend the merely human.
Looks like the little kids are conked out, huh? It’s nice and quiet, I love that. Time for you and me to get to work and make the Christmas, kiddo. You ready? Good.
Welcome to Christmas, this year and every year —
Your holiday Ma