The thought that you will spend the holidays with us makes me so happy! We all would love so much to see you and to give you hugs and hear your stories. Spending time with you is such a joy.
I know sometimes when the weather starts to chill and the sky gets dark early it’s easy to feel alone. So many people have mixed feelings about the holidays and I just wanted to let you know that it’s okay to feel that way. That’s why we have set up this holiday to be a little bit simple, and a little bit quiet, and a little bit loud, and full of love. You just be you, exactly as you are, however you are feeling, and I will be happy that you are with us.
This year we made sure to see all the distant family early in the year so it will just be me (mom), your dad, and your brother and sister as well as the four cats and two dogs. We adopted another husky this year so the house is even crazier with animals. It’s a good place to be when the wind blows outside and the snow falls. The yard is pretty and the house is warm and there are many soft animals that need cuddles. Nobody here is ever really alone.
The holiday is going to be so much fun! We planned so many delicious things to eat; we are going to make baked salmon with a veggie sausage and portabella mushroom stuffing. We will have gravy and a huge salad. Dad makes a gorgeous sweet potato bake with marshmallows. I will teach you the family secret to the perfect apple pie and we will eat ourselves sick on it with ice cream or whipped cream. Your sister likes pumpkin pie. I would love to make you your favorites and yes I will totally make turkey or ham if that means holidays to you, so please tell me what would make the day seem right!
Because I have a deep love of candles the entire house always smells of cinnamon or something seasonal, and because Dad’s a musician the day is likely to be filled with jazz music. The kids will probably want to watch movies and because it’s a holiday we’ll probably let them. We may have a dance party at some point because dancing is fun and good for the soul, either joining in or watching. We’ll be thinking of you when the music is playing and we are dancing.
This holiday season I want you to know that you are so very special. There is nobody else in the world like you and you are so important. The world turns better because you are in it. The world is better because you are here and able to love and smile and give to the people who love and smile with you. I wanted to remind you that, despite the tough times you’ve been through and the uncertainty ahead, the error is not in you. You are not wrong. You are exactly right just as you are. The error is in a world that would ignore the real you; the error is the inability to see the amazing person that you are and respect your right to tell the universe who you are and where you fit. You are amazing and you fit with us. Nobody here is afraid. Nobody here is hesitant. We love you and we will be by your side when you need us.
Please know, my dear, that your adopted holiday mom is part of the LGBTQIA community. I have faced people who didn’t understand me. I have looked into the faces of people disgusted by who I am and been baffled. How could me being me be disgusting to anyone? I have faced discrimination and the constant decision whether to come out (coming out never seems to end, does it?) and what it might mean for my family if I do. I have been erased and I have been targeted, but what I have also been is loved. Deeply. By someone who accepts me exactly as I am, without equivocation. I have a family and friends and a home and a life that anyone would envy and I did it while being true to who I am. That may not be something that is in your world right now but I’m here to tell you that it’s possible. The well-meaning people who pretend to weep for you and who will tell you that your “choices” lead to suffering are wrong. They are not choices, they are who you are and you will find your forever because you are in charge of you. It’s okay to do what you need to do to survive where you are right now. It’s also okay to know that they are wrong and when the pretending is over you will be like a star in the night sky. You shine so brightly. I can see it from here. Anyone who cannot see it is missing out; they are missing something so precious. You are so special to me.
Until we can see each other please keep in mind that you need to eat. You need to stay hydrated and take care of yourself. Moms worry, and you are important to me. Until I can take care of you I ask you to care for yourself the way that I would. Take care of your heart and your brain and your body. Make sure you do something every day that feeds your soul and please remember to feel good about your successes, whether that is finishing your art book or finishing a homework project or simply getting out of bed on a day when that seems like scaling a mountain. Your successes are so wonderful. I’m proud of you. I’m very proud of you.
I am thinking of you right now and giving you a huge hug.
All my love,
Your Holiday Mom