Holiday Mom: Christie

christieTo my Darling Holiday Child, 

I’ve missed you so much. I’m sending a warm hug your way.

I wish I wasn’t so far away so I could tell you every day that you are loved and needed.  But since I’m not here, I am hoping that you can find supportive people to be your chosen family. People that love you and accept you. They should not be abusive or toxic. You deserve more than that.  If you haven’t found them yet, don’t worry, they are out there!  Meanwhile, I hope this letter warms your heart like you warm mine.

Let’s talk about your identity for a minute. I’m sorry if someone did not accept you.  This is not a phase and saying so is dismissing your feelings.  You are a whole, beautiful human being!  If you should choose not to come out to a family member this holiday season, that’s OK.  I want my child to do what is best for them.  If you need to protect your heart, do so.  If you are ready to come out, I’m there for you!  

I wish I could be there for you more.  If you start to feel really blue this winter, I ask you to please reach out to someone for help.  In a crisis and thinking of hurting yourself, please call your local crisis hotline, someone is always there to listen.  

This holiday season I would like you to take a deep breath and listen to this: You are so important to me. You are a loving and loved.  You are a valuable person that has a purpose in this world. You have endured pain and rejection and yet, you are still here. Getting through the day means you are surviving and a better tomorrow awaits.  If you are having a hard time this season, I wanted to offer a mantra you could use to tell yourself while doing some deep breathing or just to post somewhere where you will be reminded, “I am beautiful, I am worthy, I am enough.”

I will be thinking of you while I’m baking cookies and trimming the tree at home.  Even though I only have this letter to offer you now, you are my special holiday child and I love you.

Your holiday Mom, Christie

31 comments

  1. Jackson says:

    Dear momma Christie
    It’s me again. I know it’s been a very long time since I’ve found myself on this wonderful website, for better or worse, but I felt that it was time to once again remind myself that there are good people in this world. I needed that reminder back last Christmas and I know I’m not the only one who needs it now. Reading your message gives me some hope this week.
    I think you know what this is about, but if I’m being too ambiguous, then this is about what happened in Orlando.
    I didn’t hear about it (since I live comfortably under my rock) until Wednesday this week, and proceeded to tell my queer friends to make sure they were ok.
    Just in my tiny corner of the world alone there are a lot of LGBT kids. We all more or less take care of each other, but no one was prepared for this.
    We’re all relatively young, I’m the oldest going into my senior year, and the victims of Pulse aren’t that much older.
    Whether it’s the ages the victims or the fact that they were LGBT too really struck me to my core. I know 0 of the victims and know next to nothing about them, but looking at their faces plastered all over the news and online feels like looking into a friend’s face.
    It’s been a week now and the pain won’t go away.
    It’s been a week now and it feels the same as when I found out.
    No, sorry, it’s worse.
    Amongst the horror of losing such young and vibrant lives in a place that was supposed to bring them joy and fun is the realization that now everyone knows what I’ve known all along.
    It’s not safe to be lgbt.
    It’s not safe to support lgbt.
    It will be a long long time before it’s safe.
    Before I told you of my fears of coming out and being proudly queer while it was very valid then now it seems so trivial.
    How can I, or how dare I put myself, my friends, and my family in a way that might get them hurt or worse.
    This Thursday at my church we held a small candlelight vigil for Orlando. My minister, who supports me and is helping me come out my parents, spoke of not letting fear or anger displace our personal healing.
    I am very afraid but I realize that I can’t move forward if I let that immobilize me. When asked to speak I told the few in attendance that this terrible thing that should not have happened literally kills any courage that takes so so long to build up. My kids here in our corner of the world have had their courage smashed in a matter of seconds.
    Enough pain. Enough heartache. Enough feeling hopeless. It’s been a week now, and I want to be ready to start building my courage back up.
    I don’t under any circumstances want to leave you with a bad note, so I’m going to remember the good things that have been happening.
    My grandparents were delighted to meet Jackson and the birthday card I got this spring read “to our favorite grandson shh don’t tell your cousins!”.
    My partner and I aggreed to hold off on getting engaged until we are both financially secure and until we are fully out to our families. We’re both relieved and happy with this and can’t wait to see what the future holds.
    I became a leader of my highschool’s GSA (gay straight alliance) and have been approached by upcoming freshmen which gives me hope for the club surviving when I graduate.
    Sorry for such a long message, there’s been a lot going on. Thank you for being a source of hope and for having an unconditional sense of compassion for the kids that need it most.
    With all the love
    -Jackson

  2. Ryan says:

    Mom Christie, thank you for your kind letter. I am lying awake in bed at 1:09am crying happy tears for the first time in my life, because someone has said something amazing to me, and I feel less alone now than I ever did before. You are a wonderful person. Thank you

  3. Amanda says:

    Dear Mama Christie,
    Thank you so much, so very very much. I felt so all alone, and now I sit here crying. But the happy kind of crying because I dont feel so all alone right now and I felt like it was ok to let it out. Like I didnt have to hold it in, because somewhere out there there was someone who cared. Ive been holding that in for a long time pretending it didnt bother me. Thank you for saying what you did. Your awesome.

  4. Claire says:

    Dear Mama Christie,

    You are so beautiful! Thank you for your kind words. I keep crying because I can’t understand why a Mom who has never met me loves me more than my own family. I will be spending the holidays with my partner and lovely kitty (well, both are lovely!). But, it hurts me more than I can articulate that I have made it impossible for her to go home for the holidays bc her family really do not like me. I have begged her to go home for the holidays bc it means so much for her to be with her family, and I am used to spending the holidays alone. I appreciate that she wants me to know that she is choosing me over her parents. But, this creates so much tension. I would really rather be alone on Christmas than have such a tense day. I would rather feel the aloneness and simply cry. I have spent Christmas this way for a few years so it’s not that bad. I just don’t want to ruin her relationship with her family. I know it is unfair that her parents dislike me based on a bias. I know this hurts her. But, losing your family is horrible. I don’t want that for someone I love.

    Thank you for caring!

    Love,
    Claire

    • Christie says:

      Dear Claire,

      Happy Holidays to lovely you, your lovely partner and lovely kitty! It sounds like your partner is prioritizing you and your relationship and trying to show you love. Isn’t that amazing? I think that’s great because you deserve that!

      It also sounds like you are holding all the fault of problems with her family on your own shoulders. That’s so hard to bear. Its a lot to put on yourself, especially when you can’t control her parents’ reactions or the decision that your partner decides to make. My wish for you this holiday is that you can give yourself the break that you need and accept the love and support your partner is there to give.

      Much love to you and yours.

      Your holiday mom, Christie

  5. Jackson says:

    Dear Mom, first of all thank you for being a holiday mom and adding your love and support to those of us who need it this time of year. Holiday moms continue to amaze me with their ability to create a loving environment simply with words from the heart.
    Second of all, and I’ll admit I’m a bit nervous about this, but I’d like to tell you a little about me, if just so you may understand your awesomeness a bit more 🙂
    My name here is Jackson, or jack, either one is good, but that’s not what people usually call me. I’m trans, and no one in my family knows. I’m demisexual (not finding someone attractive until you create a strong bond with them) and currently dating my best friend, who is cis (identifying with the gender assigned at birth) and gay and awesome.
    Most of all, though, mom, is I’m afraid.
    I’m afraid that my biological mother won’t see me as being myself if I come out to her as Jackson, and will instead think I’m abandoning her as a daughter.
    I’m afraid that my biological father will use that word that makes my skin crawl, the one that rhymes with nanny, if I tell him, since he already says it all the time.
    I’m afraid of using the girl’s bathroom, because I might get yelled at.
    I’m afraid of using the boy’s bathroom, because I might get hurt, or worse.
    I’m afraid that holding everything inside will be worse than the alternative.
    I’m afraid that saying anything will tear my family apart.
    I’m afraid that no matter what I do, I’ll never be comfortable in the body I’m in.
    I’m afraid that people will think I’m lying
    Or just a tomboy
    Or broken
    Or a coward
    Or crazy
    Or a sinner
    Or a freak.
    Mom, I’m really scared.
    But I’m also happy.
    I’m happy that my partner loves me and that my biological grandparents love me and that a thoughtful caring mom on the internet took some time out of her day to give us kids something we really need, hope.
    I know that I don’t know you very well, and that you don’t know me, but I hope you know that I love you. I love you for doing what most parents can’t, or what they refuse to do. I hope you know that we appreciate you and wish you a happy holiday. We will carry your words with us all year.
    Best wishes and thanks,
    Your holiday child, Jackson

    • Christina says:

      Dear Jackson,

      I am not a mom. Rather, I am a queer who couldn’t handle a lack of family acceptance at 16. The rejection of me based on one aspect of who I am was not fair, but I also can say, a few years later that I wish had been less fearful and thought of having an advocate do some of the talking for me so that I could have been more happy than scared! I deserved that! We all deserve that! You, sweet love, deserve this!

      No, I do not know you. I probably never will know you IRL. But, for this moment; for this holiday please know that I will be loving you from afar and hoping that love and happiness prevail!

      xoxo

    • Peg says:

      Oh My Dear Jackson,
      Your words bring tears to my eyes and sadness to my heart.

      First of all, let me give you a hug and tell you that it’s going to be alright.

      I’m still holding you.

      It’s the fears that you wrote about and so many of your siblings feel that compelled me to write my letter this year.
      Your fears are my fears.
      Your fears are my worries.
      Your fears are my concern.
      Your fears are valid.
      Your fears are real.
      Your fears are actual.
      Your fears could cause you physical harm.
      Your fears could cause you emotional harm.
      Your fears could cause you spiritual harm.
      Your fears could lead you to pain.
      Your fears could lead you to suffering.
      Your fears could lead you to give up.

      I’m still holding you Jackson.
      I’m still holding you Wenxin
      I’m still holding you Robbie…
      Caitlin
      Mica
      Devon
      Ryan
      Aodhan
      Tammie,
      Jae
      Castiel
      Zachariah
      Hakim Lewis
      Haze/John
      Chrissy
      Brett
      Chloe
      Yiska
      Jessica
      Arryona
      Kailee
      Ashia
      Juju
      Hope
      Cas James
      Edin (and Valeria)
      Obi
      Mai
      Jackson
      Christina
      Anberlin/Vincey
      Cade
      Cat
      Vivien
      Logan
      Gabby
      Jack
      Matthew Allen
      Holly
      Lorcan
      Julia
      Luna
      Elliot
      Cam
      Emily
      Seth
      Rob Scott
      Roj
      Riley
      Kai
      Rashaad
      Justice
      Mark
      Ricky
      Kayden
      Oliver
      Bambi
      Hale
      Kat
      Megan
      Sarah
      Jania
      Mirjam
      Cassidy
      Lyman
      Jamie
      Rebekah
      Sean
      Christopher
      Namo
      Daniel
      Kayla
      Anna
      Eliot
      Jackie
      Kayleigh
      Marco
      Rosalie
      Emily
      Abigail
      Finn
      Lou
      Calil
      Abby
      Bella
      and everyone else who is getting comfort from these letters.

      If I could take away your fears, your pain, and your suffering, I would.
      If I could make your family love, support and acknowledge you, I would.
      If I could change the world to be more accepting, understanding, and inclusive, I would.

      If I had the power to give you confidence, strength and peace, I would.

      But all I can do is
      hold you,
      love you,
      and tell you that “It Will Be Alright”.

      I Am Still Loving You,
      Mom Peg

    • Christie says:

      Dear Jackson,

      Thanks so much for sharing all of this about yourself. I am so sad that you have to deal with this fear on a daily basis. Your beautiful soul comes through in your writing and I can see that you really love your biological parents even thought you must live with this fear. I hope that when the time comes, they will accept you as I do. However, if they don’t, please remember that there are so many people out there that can give you the love that you need in life. I’ve only gotten one letter from you, and you are clearly very lovable. 🙂

      I wish I could reach out and give you and put my arms around you but since I can’t give you that comforting hug, I will just have to say that I understand your fear. Its very real. Your identity is also real. Its part of the wonderful person that you are. Unfortunately we live in a society that doesn’t understand how special and valuable that is. But I do, and there are a lot of people who are learning and changing with the times.

      It’s so difficult to imagine a better tomorrow when your afraid. As a young person, you are on a long road to self-discovery and exploration. While it may not seem like it now, there will be time to find a way to feel comfortable in your body. There will be a time when you can surround yourself with people that value you. I am so glad to hear about your best friend/partner. you deserve the love and acceptance they give you.

      Thank you for the love you have shown me. Much love to you sweetheart.

      Your Holiday Mom, Christie

      • Jackson says:

        Hi mom, it’s me again.
        I’ll make this quick, since I might be in some minor trouble for being on the internet instead of studying for finals,
        Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It has been a challenging week, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you bearing through what I now realize was a really long message to hear my story.
        Also, and I’m not too tech savvy so I’m not even sure if you can read it, but please look at Momma Peg’s comment. Look at all those names. That’s a lot of kids. Take all those names and double, or even quadruple it. That many kids from all over read your lovely letter and it gave them some peace of mind. Not a lot will say anything back, but I know that we all are thinking the same thing.
        Thank you, momma Christie, we needed that more than you can know, and we love you.
        I know I said this would be short, so I’ll finish up quickly. I want you to know a couple more things, things that your words gave me courage to do:
        1. You gave me the courage to tell you my story. I felt like I could put my trust and faith in you and I was right. 🙂 Thank you for that.
        2. You gave me the courage to decide to let my grandparents meet Jackson on Christmas this year. Fingers crossed they’ll like him.
        3. This might not count, because I’ve been mulling it over for a while, but you gave me the courage to ask my partner to marry me, also on Christmas. I am thankful to have him by my side and to have your words in my heart.
        Beautiful people like you exist in the world, and that gives me hope, for my future and for other kids like me.

        A million thanks and a great big virtual hug,
        Jackson

        (P.s. I also give momma Peg my thanks. I had no idea so many kids benefited from your kindness)

        • Christie says:

          Aww Jackson, Thank you so much. Here I am trying to make you feel better and you’ve made me feel all the love. I think this has given me a little insight into how much you prioritize the feelings of others. What a great quality you have! As someone who takes care of others, don’t forget to also prioritize yourself. We all need that self-love.

          I wish you much luck with coming out to your grandparents. From what you’ve said, it sounds like you have a special relationship with them. If you have never come out to family, it might be good to sit down with someone you trust and maybe role play or and also prepare for the possible reactions they may have and how you will respond to those reactions. <3

          Marriage is so wonderful! It sounds like you have a great partner on your hands. In my experience, living with a partner before marriage strengthens your relationship so just wanted to let you know about that. From a mom's perspective I want you to have a strong and enduring relationship but also think that it's important to follow your heart. I trust you will do what is best for you.

          Love, "Momma Christie" – (love it)

  6. Aleja says:

    Dear Mom,
    Thank you so much for this. I still haven’t come out to my father, and I deal with his homophobic slurs about family friends so often, it’s hard for me to remember I’m still a worthwhile human being. I’m thankful I found this site and you.
    Much Love and Thanks

    • Christie says:

      Dear Aleja,

      Wow, I really feel for you. I too have a father who has used many hurtful slurs. Somehow over the course of my life, he has backed off but I remember this being very hard when I was younger.

      I am so glad you are seeking support and hope that over time you will find more and more people that will show you every day what a worthwhile person you are. It sounds like you are a very resilient person. That will get you through. I am thankful for darlings like you and I look forward to the day when you will wake up every day knowing that you are awesome! Sending you a big hug.

      Your holiday mom, Christie

    • Christie says:

      Cassidy, Hugs right back to you dear. Thinking of you this holiday season.

      Your holiday mom, Christie

  7. Daniel says:

    Hi mom,
    I’m having a really hard time this week with finals stuff and projects and everything that’s been coming my way. I still work 20 hours a week on top of school and it’s really hard to find time to take care of my grades. I’ve tried to request off to help me out some, but my work didn’t approve.
    My identity as a man isn’t helping either. I get a lot of dysphoria when I shower before work, and people constantly misgender me at work even though my name tag says Danny.
    Sometimes I feel like giving up, that I can’t pass my classes or keep going to work and get into a crying fit. I don’t know what to do. Everything is so difficult for me right now.
    But thank you for listening I know it’s hard to see us suffer our difficult situations. I’m glad you’re here Mom. I love you.
    Love,
    Your Little Daniel

    • Mom Carin says:

      Daniel darling, please make sure you take care of yourself, get the rest you need, eat well so that you can be at your best for exams. Adding in the extra 20 hours of work makes things harder but you can get through this. I believe in you.

      *HUGS* Love Mom Carin

    • Holiday Ciocia says:

      Hi Daniel,

      It can certainly be stressful as things pile up towards the end of the year. One mantra I like is “this too shall pass.” Soon, your classes and schoolwork will be done. I hope that eases your burden a bit. Best of luck to you on powering through everything. Hang in there!

    • Peg says:

      My Dear Little Daniel,
      I have been wondering how you are doing. It takes a lot to balance going to school and working ~ especially this part of the semester.
      I do hope you’ll check in with student services and see if they can help ~ maybe they have an academic counselor to talk with, maybe a mental health counselor, maybe they can help you work with your professors to get you and extension if you need it, maybe a tutor.
      I am sorry that your job isn’t giving you the time off that you need. You are a strong young man and I know that you will see this through.
      Make sure you eat right and get plenty of sleep.
      I Love YOU,
      Mom Peg

    • Christie says:

      Dear Daniel,

      I am so sorry to hear things are so tough right now. This season is tough, plus finals, plus work, plus misgendering, plus arrrrgh! It can get to be too much but I’m so relieved you haven’t given up. Somehow you are surviving all of this stress and I’m thankful for that. Sometimes when I’m stressed and I cry I try to remember that crying is actually good to relieve stress. Tears contain toxins and stress hormone that can build up when you are stressed. If you feel weak when you cry, try to remember that your tears are washing away some stress from your body. I’m sorry to hear you are suffering but relieved that you are able to express that. It’s important!

      Self-care is so important when a person is under as much pressure as you are but its hard to find time isn’t it? I’m glad you are here on this site looking for support, caring for your self and giving yourself what you need. After the semester ends (regardless of your grades) I hope you will take some extra time to show yourself love because you certainly will deserve it for making it through.

      Thinking of you and rooting for you Danny! Stop back on this thread if you need a cheerleader.

      Your holiday mom, Christie

  8. Diego says:

    Hi dear mom Chris,
    I want you to know that you made me feel loved. its been a long time since i felt this way.
    I am so proud that there is people like you in this evil world. thank for remind me that there is someone out there that will love me for who i am.
    thanks for being so lovely. I wish i could be able to hug you and feel you warmth.
    you made me a little happier today, a little warm, a little loved.
    you are special to me.
    with love, your holiday son, Diego.

    • Christie says:

      Hi Diego,

      I’m so touched by your words. I wish I could give you a great big hug too. I hope that soon you will be able to have more people in your life that make you feel special and loved. It sounds like you have a lot of love to give and that’s amazing.

      Sometimes I get down about all the horrible things that are going on in the world but there are so many lovely people like the people that I’ve seen comment and write letters on this site. Connecting with kind and beautiful people gives me hope and I hope it gives you hope too!

      Sending much love your way,

      Your holiday mom,
      Christie

  9. Sam says:

    Thank you, mamaleh. I feel so blessed to have a loving mom in you this year, especially with Hanukkah beginning tomorrow evening.

    I am a bisexual woman, among other things that my parents can’t seem to accept. Thank you for reminding me that their rejection of me is not definitive of me, for, as you quoted, “I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am enough.”

    • Holiday Ciocia says:

      Hi Sam,

      Happy Almost First Night of Hanukkah!
      I am happy you have found us. Sending love and light.

    • Christie says:

      Dear Sam,

      Happy Hanukkah sweetie! I’m so sorry to hear that your parents are not accepting of you. I wish I could protect you from having to deal with that, especially over the holidays. You are in my heart.

      Your holiday mom, Christie

Leave a Reply