Holiday Mom: Amy

amyMy Dear Holiday Child,

Come inside, kick off your shoes, and let me give you a big hug. You are so incredibly special to me.

Welcome to our home! I love for this house to be an open, welcoming, boisterous place where friends are welcome and there’s always room for one more at our table. There’s certainly room for you, in my house and in my heart.

We have a 5-year-old daughter (your Holiday Sister, Charlotte), and it’s a lot of fun to try to make the holidays magical for her. She is a sweet, energetic (okay, rambunctious) kid who loves to meet new people. In fact, new people are her favorite thing. You’re going to show up at our house and be an instant rock star.

We love to decorate our house with lights and garlands and ceramics painted by my husband’s grandmother. We bake cookies, sing songs, and watch cheesy holiday specials. I love days that we set aside for baking – the house smells of chocolate and gingerbread and peppermint. My daughter loves to “help,” so we play music, sing along, and get messy together. I have an extra apron if you’d like to help too (keeping Little Miss from eating too much of the batter totally counts as helping, by the way). Or, if you’d rather, feel free to sit at the table and keep me company. Here, I’ll make you a cup of hot chocolate.

What are your holiday traditions? We celebrate Christmas, but we welcome your traditions as well – after all, this is your holiday house too! Some years we invite our Jewish friends over to help us trim the tree. We spend the afternoon decorating and then at sundown they get out their menorah and we light the candles for that night. I’ve never celebrated Kwanzaa or other winter holidays, but if you do I’m happy to learn about and participate in your traditions.

We often have friends over for brunch on Christmas morning. One of my family’s traditions is that we always have cinnamon rolls for breakfast on Christmas, and in the last few years I’ve started making them myself. What are your favorite holiday foods? I’d love to cook them for you. Also, let me know if you have any food restrictions. That way, I can make a holiday celebration everyone can enjoy!

Our backyard has a great sledding hill, and you are welcome to come outside with us and hop on a sled. Come on, I’m taking a turn too! After we’ve had our fill, we can go into the family room and hunker down under some blankets by the fireplace, maybe with something hot to drink.

Before I forget, can you please let me know your pronouns? We’ll do our best to use them consistently, and if we slip up I promise it will be because of absent-mindedness rather than disrespect.

Later on, after your Holiday Sister is in bed, let’s just sit on the sofa and quietly talk. You are so very dear to me and I want to know you. I want to know what you like, what you’re passionate about, what your dreams are. Do you have a favorite show? We can marathon it together, if you want. Let’s sit a while, just you and me, and cherish these peaceful late-night moments, as the house quiets around us and the world goes to sleep.

My dear, dear holiday child. I hope as you’re reading this that you’re someplace safe and warm. I hope you know that you are loved, cherished, and wanted. I hope you know you are forever in my heart. You deserve all the love and acceptance the world has to give.

Love,

Your Holiday Mom

Amy

34 comments

  1. Daniel says:

    Hi mom,
    Your letter brought me to tears, you made me feel so loved and accepted and I’ve never been accepted in my family . Im a transgender boy and my family say they support me but have made no real effort to support me at all even though I have tried countless times to ask them to. I’ve always felt like something was wrong even from a young age and last year I finally figured out what was wrong. This year has been the worst year of my life I’ve been struggling with mental health issues and trans issues and I was really looking forward to Christmas but to find out that my family don’t accept me exempt for my parents (who don’t really try to support me) really put me down. I’m sorry this is so late into the holidays but I only found out about this wonderful website today. Sorry for rambling a bit. Love, Daniel

    • Amy says:

      Hi Daniel!

      I’m sorry I took this long to reply to your sweet comment. Today was a crazy day. We’re almost done with our Christmas Eve preparation, though, and I don’t know about you, but I’m just about ready to crash. The cinnamon rolls are ready for their final rise tomorrow, I’ve precooked the vegetables for the Christmas morning frittata, and the cinnamon ice cream is firming up in the freezer (I couldn’t think of anything else I wanted to make, so I decided I wanted apple crisp and cinnamon ice cream for Christmas dessert this year.) I think your Holiday Sister is finally asleep, so her dad will start putting together the Hot Wheels set she asked for. I’m not surprised she dropped off so quickly — she was the Droopiest Shepherd Ever in the church Christmas play this evening. The only things I still need to do is wrap the presents I got for your Holiday Dad, and write a few lines to you, my Holiday Son.

      It’s sad to hear your family isn’t supporting you. I hope they eventually are able to come to a place of love and acceptance, and I’m sorry this leaves you feeling so alone in the meantime. You don’t deserve to feel rejected. You don’t deserve to feel left to tend to yourself alone. You are special and wonderful and amazing, and I can’t wait to see the adult you grow into. Keep living your truth and being who you are and know that you are always in my heart.

      I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow morning and wishing you were here.

      Love,
      Mom Amy

  2. Cassidy says:

    Mom –
    Thank you so much for your letter. I feel truly cared about and wanted, which doesn’t happen a whole lot anymore. I too celebrate Christmas, and am blessed to share that holiday with you this year! I will certainly have to take advantage of that sledding hill.
    My pronouns change by the day, really, but you’re generally always safe with xe/xir/xirs. Don’t worry too much about slipping up; I can hardly keep up myself!
    Give my Holiday Sister a big hug for me!
    Your Holiday Child,
    Cassidy

    • Amy says:

      Sweet Cassidy,

      You *are* loved and wanted, never doubt that. You are amazing and fierce and wonderful and so very strong and bright. Be your awesome self, just as hard as you can.

      Sledding would be amazing. Our sledding hill is a deceptively gentle slope, and under the right conditions it will send you almost all the way to the neighbors’ yard. Last year, my sled went a little out of control and I almost wound up hitting Charlotte! Fortunately, I was able to grab her in my arms just before I would’ve hit her and we finished the ride together. Less fortunately, she has now decided that was The Coolest Thing To Ever Happen, and now she tries to deliberately throw herself in the path of oncoming sleds. So have fun, but keep your eye out for tiny hitchhikers!

      Have a wonderful Christmas, honey, and know that you have a ton of Holiday Moms on this site and elsewhere holding you in their hearts and wishing you the best that the world has to give.

      Love,
      Mom Amy

  3. Kayelynn says:

    Hello.. I just found this site a few days ago and im grateful for everyone on here. Especially you, for writing such a love filled letter. Id love so much to spend time with you and your family, to get to talk to you about anything, or just watch tv and be in your presence.. im bisexual, and shunned in my family.
    But again thank you for being so sweet, and taking the time to write this letter. I dont think you can understand how much happiness this brought me. Love, your holiday daughter, Kayelynn

    • Amy says:

      Oh Kayelynn. I am so sorry to hear your family is rejecting you over your sexuality. I would love to have you here too. Neither of us has family in town, so unless we travel (yech) we celebrate holidays with friends. It’s a real joy to be surrounded by people I care about who I know *get* me, and that is what I wish for you as well.

      Stay warm, stay safe, and keep being your wonderful self. You are loved.

      Mom Amy

  4. Danielle says:

    Hi Mom! I’m Danny(I spell it the boy way or so I’ve been told), I’m 13 and I am a bisexual girl! Thank you for inviting me into your home with such welcome arms! I’m so glad to have a little sister for this Christmas! I love to bake and to just spend that time making memories that count. My family decorates the tree with the ornaments that we’ve collected over the years. We always go to my grandparents on Christmas morning and my aunts and uncles in the evening but this year I’m afraid because this year I figured out I was bisexual. I hope I can make it through it like any other Christmas but I don’t know. I hope that I can continue to celebrate Christmas with you and Charlotte! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Love, Danny.

    • Amy says:

      Hi Danny! I’m so happy you’re here.

      I’m sure the holidays are going to be hard this year, feeling like there’s this big, important piece of yourself that you can’t share with the people closest to you. It’s a lonely place to be, and I’m sorry that’s what’s going on in your life right now. You are always welcome here, and you will always be in my heart.

      Charlotte will love to have a big sister to play with! She will grab your hand and ask if you want to go to her playroom with her literal moments after you walk in the door. I bet she’d love to build a blanket fort with you, and you guys can go inside the blanket fort and draw or play with flashlights or whatever else.

      I love decorating the tree. We’ve accumulated a lot of ornaments over the years, and most of them have a story attached. Our tree is like our family – colorful, chaotic, and covered with love and memories.

      Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too, Danny. I’ll be thinking of you as you travel to visit all your relatives, and hoping your holiday is filled with love, light, and laughter.

      Love,
      Mom Amy

  5. Bob says:

    Hi Mom Amy!
    My name is Bob!
    I’m Hopi u can accept me the way I am because my real family doesn’t! I was born with both sex parts between my legs! Although I was fixed at the age of 7 to look like a boy,I have never felt like one! I have always felt like a girl & love girly thinks! I love just about anything pink! I have a very small girlish frame! Therefore I have to wear girls pants because that’s all that will fit me! Hello to Charlotte as well! If she wants, I will be glad to play dolls with her! I also love to cook so I will be more than glad to help cook or bake if u need the help!

    • Amy says:

      Hi Bob!

      There is no way I could hope to understand the road you are on, but I’m so sorry that your family is making you feel so alone in walking it. Here, you should feel free to be as girly as you want. Charlotte sometimes likes to do pretend play with dolls, but she usually likes more active play. One thing she absolutely adores, though, is putting nail polish on her toenails and fingernails. We have lots of different colors and I know she would love to paint nails with you. If you let her choose for you, chances are you’ll wind up with several different vibrant colors plus a glitter topcoat!

      Baking together would be a ton of fun. Let’s make sure a couple of your favorite recipes are on the list along with our favorite treats.

      You are so amazing, Bob. You are special and wonderful and precious just as you are.Take care of yourself and know that all of us Holiday Moms love you and believe in you and can’t wait to see the awesome person you’re going to become.

      Love,
      Mom Amy

  6. Tom says:

    Hi mom
    I’m tom. My pronouns are he/him/his. I will gladly help out in the kitchen, I enjoy baking as much as I love eating the mix And hi to Charlotte I come from a happy and funny but unaccepting home, so it’s such a privelege to be here and to be called the right name and pronouns. I’m FTM, and I’m doing my best to try bring up the courage to transition like talking to a doctor but not really going to well. my family are pretty old school part of my family just wont accept it and others will refuse to help or call me my right name until my body changes 🙁 i suffer with depression and panic attacks. i hope one day it’ll finally happen but dont see it till i leave where i am. i have afew piercings and tattoos and i have a Mohawk i also for some strange reason i seem to get relaxed by someone drawing like with a pen on me. i love drawing and playing games. i sometimes write little stories. what is your favorite tv shows?

    love tom x

    • Amy says:

      Dear Tom,

      Oh honey. I won’t pretend to understand everything you’re going through, but I understand the depression part all too well. One of the self-care/meditative/art therapy sorta things I like to do is crafting. I love to decoupage tissue paper onto glass tealight holders in different patterns and then put LED candles inside to see how the light transforms the patterns (like this: http://rosebudsradiance.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/2015-06-27-20.42.241-e1442949747252.jpg). Would you like to get out the craft supplies and zen out at the kitchen table together? Let me know the best way to help you through a panic attack, and I’ll do the best I can there too. I’d be happy to just talk quietly to you while drawing on your arm too, if that’s what you need.

      I can imagine Charlotte being endlessly fascinated with your Mohawk.We’re still working on things like asking permission before touching someone, but she’s slowly learning about respecting people’s boundaries. I bet she’ll think your piercings and tattoos are super-cool too.

      Hmm, favorite TV shows… I am really loving Orphan Black and it’s driving me nuts that the new season doesn’t come out till April. I just finished binge-watching The Man in the High Castle and I’m about halfway through Jessica Jones (which is brilliant, but needs to come with a lot of trigger warnings – yikes). I also really enjoy Parks & Rec.

      I’m sorry to hear that your family is resistant to accepting who you are.It hurts my heart that you don’t have that warm, unconditional, accepting, all-encompassing love that you deserve right now. It’s not fair that you have to face this kind of rejection from the people closest to you, and it’s ridiculous to refuse to accept your gender identity until you meet an external standard.

      It’s a big world out there, and someday you are going to go out into it and find your tribe. You’re going to find — or bring together — a group of wonderful people where being yourself is as easy as breathing. Tom, you are going to go out into the world someday and you are going to *rock* this. Sweetheart, you’re going to shine. I believe in you.

      Love,
      Mom Amy

      • Tom says:

        hi mom
        i would love to sit at the table with you and make things. they look absolutely amazing. i didnt know you could post links on here. i have a art site its shows all my stuff erm but for my panic attacks its normally when i wake up in shock or when im placed around new people i mean if say had to go someone house for a stay who i didnt know to well i often sit there quiet and its mainly me settleing myself and seeing how everyone is. but what happens is quiet scary because ill overthink things in my head until i start breathing fast then i pass out but i wake up and it starts all over again. i also stuggle with selfharm at times due to past stuff and depression.

        and awwwww charlotte can play with my hair or draw on me to if she likes im always looking for someone to give me ideas for colours and styles. i dont know if i would like the shows you watch as i’ve never really seen them but i often watch jeremy kyle or judge tv shows. i love lots of movies even little kids ones.

        yeah it sucks they want me back the way i was before but it sucks i told them when i was 13 im now 19 and they still wont help, however my boyfriend thats helping me even tho his far away he has got me a binder n a packer to help me but only issue with me wearing it is i get all shy and embarrassed.

        awwww them words make me feel alot stronger and more happy it will be perfect i and glad you believe in me

        love,
        son tom

    • Amy says:

      Hi Tom!

      I wrote you a long reply last night, but it’s awaiting moderation so it hasn’t shown up yet. (My fault – I didn’t know that’s what would happen if I put in a link.) Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I’m not blowing you off!

      Love,
      Mom Amy

      • Tom says:

        hi mom its okay ill just wait and get a surprize when it happens i would never think your blowing me off
        love tom x

    • DarkMysticCryxs says:

      Tom,
      I’m Flynn (he/him). I’m transmasculine gender fluid. I’m panromantic demisexual polyamorous. The adults in my family are pretty old school as well and have trouble understanding me as well. My siblings and cousins are supportive.
      I hope that you are able to find a support group online, Facebook or face to face. http://www.susans.org is a great source. Transgender Alliance on Facebook is also good too.

      Happy Holidays!

      • Tom says:

        hi flynn
        thank you i hope you do to happy holiday. and new year
        i shall have alook at the link and have a good read of the site

        from tom

  7. Kell says:

    I’m hello. I’m Kell. ((He/they pronouns)) I like my chosen name because it reminds me of Thorkell the tall and I’m totally into the Icelandic sagas and such. My little sister sounds like a joy to be around. Sledding is the best thing to do on Christmas I feel. Dress all warm and then come in later for hot cocoa and lotsa love. I miss that.
    I’m not the best baker at all but if we could put on some tunes and a flashy apron sign me up cause I love that. Lucky for me I’m not allergic to anything so whatever we make I’m gonna pile on the nuts and whip cream.
    Just get used to me apologizing a lot and then we’ll be okie dokie.
    About me- as you might have noticed I really enjoy history especially learning about the Viking times but quite contradictory I wanna go into the fashion/movie business. I have no Christmas traditions other than praying around a table piled with food while soft cristmas music plays and snow falls. Later on in the night I would love to rant to you about my interests rather than watch a tv show I think. Or better yet have a little ballroom dance “practice”.
    I enjoy hip hop a lot but on warm winter night I would like to enjoy dancing with family. Charlotte could dance on my toes even. It would be a lot of fun. I would look forward to spending Christmas with you.
    Thank you my holiday mom.

    • Amy says:

      Hi Kell!

      I would love to sit up half the night with you and just geek out over history! The Icelandic sagas and the Vikings sound fascinating and I’d love to learn more about them. I know the most about England under the Plantagenets and Tudors, plus a little bit about the Holy Roman Empire, plus I’m a total sucker for Gothic architecture.

      I’m a chronic apologizer too, so we’ll probably get into some apology ping-pong at some point. Let’s do it.

      I bet Charlotte would love dancing with you. Moving to music is one of her favorite things to do, and she would be all over ballroom and hip-hop. We’ll put on some holiday tunes and make it a family dancefest!

      I can’t wait to bake with you — if you want flashy, the twelve days of Christmas apron is ALL YOURS. We’ll pick out what we want to bake and just make a day of it. (And probably order pizza or something for dinner because we’ll most likely have had our fill of the kitchen by then.)

      Take care of yourself, Kell. Stay warm, stay hydrated, stay safe. I love you.

      Mom Amy

      • Kell says:

        You are just the cutest.

        I haven’t had someone to geek out to in a while. And gothic architecture is just marvelous. We could exchange knowledge. Haha! And dancefest sounds ideal!

        After a whole day of baking we’ll have to go easy on the dinner. Pizza sounds great. At home we have the great Alaskan pizza co. That has this amazing ranch and chicken pizza. It doesn’t sound good but it is.

        Thank you so much for being my mom this holiday season. I really appreciate it.

        -Kell

      • Kell says:

        You are just the cutest.

        I haven’t had someone to geek out to in a while. And gothic architecture is just marvelous. We could exchange knowledge. Haha! And dancefest sounds ideal!

        After a whole day of baking we’ll have to go easy on the dinner. Pizza sounds great. At home we have the great Alaskan pizza co. That has this amazing ranch and chicken pizza. It doesn’t sound good but it is.

        Thank you so much for being my mom this holiday season. I really appreciate it.

        Best wishes
        -Kell

  8. Shawn says:

    Ihey there i just found your blog. I wish my family was this love in my family but they are not do to me being a open gay man. There may time I wish I wasn’t but I am. I am so grateful that people like you are so welcome and great full with so much love. Thank you

    • Amy says:

      Hi Shawn!

      I’m so happy you found this blog! Please remember that there are so many of us — moms, dads, sibs, and grandparents — who would jump at the chance to love and accept you exactly as you are. We’re out there, in real life and on the internet, and we are rooting for you and hoping for your happiness and safety. When you are around people who are unaccepting or trying to make you feel less than, please remember this: You are wonderful, you are valuable, you are important. I am holding you in my heart today and always.

      Lots of love,
      Mom Amy

  9. Kate says:

    Hi Mom,

    It is so nice to be welcome in your home, and your daughter sounds like so much fun to be around. I really been realizing lately how much joy they can bring into a life as well.

    I don’t think I could just sit around and watch you bake though. I would love to help. I love all sort of goodies, but they almost always need some chocolate in them. There are, of course, a few exceptions.

    The normal traditions for my holiday season is a prime rib dinner at a local restaurant with the immediate family on Christmas Eve, and then a small potluck with my dad’s side on Christmas day.

    I haven’t been sledding in a very long time. But I guess it’s never too late to get back into it. I think you’re right though, afterwards we need some hot chocolate. That sounds so good.

    I would love to sit and chat with you and tell you all about myself. I don’t know if you watch any Doctor Who. But if not, I would love to introduce you to it, as that is my favorite show to watch.

    Thank you again, for inviting me into your home.

    Love,
    Kate

    • Amy says:

      Hi Kate!

      I agree with you completely that chocolate is an essential component at this time of year. Right up there with chocolate and peppermint! I would love to bake with you. There’s something about working together in a kitchen that just brings people so close together, I think.

      We moved into this house just a few years ago, and I went down our sledding hill for the first time at age 40. I am the *poster child* for “never too late to get back into it”! Hot chocolate afterward is a must. Also, if we can talk my husband into making some of his amazing soup, we can have some of that afterward too.

      I’ve never seen Doctor Who before, and I would love to have you introduce me to it. It’s fun to share pop culture and fandom stuff with each other, and I would love to watch Doctor Who through your eyes.

      I hope you enjoy your traditions this year. I’ll be thinking of you having your prime rib on Christmas Eve while I have my rib roast on Christmas. 🙂

      Love galore,
      Mom Amy

  10. Kayden says:

    Hi!
    My name is Kayden and I use he/him/his pronouns too. Charlotte sounds amazing and I live where it doesn’t snow so charlotte and I can play outside all the time (I’ve never built a snowman before). I love to bake! I was actually studying baking last year at my local college until I switched to a different major.
    And a Harry Potter marathon sounds great! I’ll bring my wand and everything.
    Not very big on running like Marshall but walking is good too! And I have an 8year old sister so I can do cartwheels for days.
    your home sounds lovely and I’d be honored to be a guest. My home, we do celebrate Christmas but getting everyone to participate and be nice is like pulling teeth, let alone getting the pronouns and name down. Thank you so much for your letter, I actually teared up a little.

    • Amy says:

      Oh Kayden. I just want to scoop you up in the biggest hug ever. (I’m a huge hugger, but if you’re not I promise to respect your space. I’ll find another way to be comforting. Possibly one involving hot chocolate.)

      Contentious holidays are a pain – I’ve had my share. I really hope your family is eventually able to get your name and pronouns right; I will have a much easier time since I’ve only ever known you as Kayden.

      Baking with you sounds like fun, and I can’t wait to pick up some tips!

      I wish you a holiday filled with love and acceptance and all your favorite things. Stay warm, stay safe, and know you’re in my heart.

      Love,
      Mom Amy

  11. Marshall says:

    Hi mom Amy!
    I’m Marshall. My pronouns are he/him/his, thank you! I will gladly help out in the kitchen, I love baking as much as I love eating! And hi to Charlotte! I come from a happy but unaccepting home, so it’s such a privelege to be here and to be called the right name and pronouns. I’m FTM, and I’m doing my best to transition without hormones and surgery, so that means insane amounts of push ups everyday. As for my favorite tv show, I don’t really get the chance to watch tv very often, but I won’t say no to a Harry Potter marathon! I would gladly talk to you about transitioning, school, running, and anything else that comes to mind. Thank you for welcoming me into your home.
    Love,
    Marshall

    • Amy says:

      Hi Marshall!

      I am so happy to know you! I am excited and honored to get to be your holiday mom.

      Baking is a blast, isn’t it? Let me know what your favorite holiday treat is and we’ll be sure to put that on the list.

      I am so proud of you for living your truth and working so hard on your transition. I’m not a runner, but I’d love to go on walks with you throughout the neighborhood if you don’t mind me slowing you down. Also, if you teach Charlotte how to do a pushup, you will have the most willing (and giggly) exercise buddy ever. She will tell everyone who will listen about her super-cool holiday brother, who is big and strong and can do anything!

      I would LOVE to do a Harry Potter marathon with you. We fly our geek flag high around here, so we can spew headcanons at each other. (I’ve got a particularly soft spot for Weasley headcanons, not gonna lie.) I don’t have an OTP in this fandom, so by the end of our marathon I’ll most likely have been converted to shipping whatever you ship.

      Marshall, you are strong and brave and amazing. Keep on being awesome and living your truth. In time, I hope that your family is able to get their heads around your identity and come to a place of full acceptance. Even if they don’t, though, or even if it takes them a long time, the world is a big place. My husband and I both live far away from our extended families, so one of my favorite sayings is “friends are the family we make.” My wish for you is that you find this acceptance and love, both in your family of origin and in the family you create around you.

      I love you.

      Mom Amy

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