Happy Holidays: Mom Anita

Listen To The Audio Recording Of This Message

Hi!  I am the proud mother of a wonderful GLBTQ son.  He has known who he is since he was 2 years old, we just didn’t understand what that was until he was in a GLBTQ support group in 10th grade, and figured out he’s transgender.  He has had my full love, acceptance and support this entire time, and later on, his stepfather’s.  I also have a long list of “bonus children,” other GLBTQ friends of my son’s who appreciate that I understand and love them for ALL OF who they are.

I jumped at the chance to do this project because I want you to know that I understand how difficult life can be with parents who have religious objections, who think you’re too young to know, who think you’re just a victim of bad influence by others, or any other reason to justify not accepting who you truly are.  I’m personally and sincerely sorry that you do not have the kind of support that my husband and I have always shown my son.  YOU DESERVE EVERY BIT OF IT!  You have MY full support and acceptance because I know that who you are is valuable and worthy.  You are important, who you are is important, your just being here makes a difference, and I would be honored if you would accept *my* support. 

I would love to be your Holiday Mom.  I would love for you to think of me during the holidays and beyond as someone who is committed to, and working for, a world where who you are is honored and celebrated every bit as much as non-LGBTQ-ers.  Where you can express your true self in public, either when alone or with someone you love, without having to worry about ugly looks or even the threat of physical violence.  Where through your courageous example, the rest of the world learns that we are all on a continuum of sexual identity, and one of gender identity, and that pigeonholing and judging people not only doesn’t serve anyone, but hurts everyone.

I accept you.  I honor you.  I respect you.  I support you in the battles you fight every day.

Your Holiday Mom Anita

 

 

 

38 comments

  1. Margaret says:

    I’m a mom and I love my children as they are, for who they are. And I would be honored to call you my own.

    My children would say I don’t totally understand. Fair enough.

    But I understand that love is the most important gift you can give a child, a friend, or yourself.

    And love is unconditional.

    Looking at the posts, there seems to be a lot of love out there for you, Children.

    Bask in it and know that you are beautiful and wonderful and loved.

  2. Martin Bergmann says:

    Dearest Anita,

    I want to thank you for Your beautiful website. I am a 25 yrs old FTM man and I’ve came out to my family in summer. Unfortunately, my parents didnt support me and they told me that if I want to start taking hormones, I have to move out of my home (i lived with them because I was studying for my master’s), because they don’t want to look at me.
    I packed one suitcase and left 3 days after. I stayed at the worst hotels in the capital, then found myself a room to rent. I wanted to stay in school, but I couldn’t afford the studies anymore.
    Thanks to one my wonderful friend I was able to leave my home country (the Czech Republic) and move to the Netherlands, where I hope I can find more tolerance.
    Now, it’s the holidays and I’m in a foreign country, struggling with money (I make some money as a writer and I’m living off my last savings) and spending Christmas and New Years Eve without my family for the 1st time ever. I worry a lot about my future, about my family, about money, I hear my mother’s words in my head when she yelled at me that nobody will ever love me and I’m destroying my life and I will be unhappy for the rest of my life… and I’m so afraid she was right. I miss my mother a lot, especially during the holidays, and I call her regularly (although it hurts to hear her talking to me using the female gender and my ex name I don’t even officialy have anymore) and I even invited her over… She told me she doesnt want to see me.
    Lately, I started thinking about just giving up… I feel so weak.

    Your website gave me hope. Cheered me up, while I’m alone in my room and listening to the fireworks outside. Thank you for your support and for all you do. Thank you so much. <3
    Have a wonderful year 2015.

    Love,

    Martin

    P.S.: Your son is so incredibly lucky!

    • Eline says:

      Hello! I’m not a mom nor am I a transgirl, but I am dutch. If you need any help adapting (or just someone to talk to), please don’t hesitate to ask me for help. I’ll be glad to help someone as strong as you.
      X Eline

  3. Angelique berrette says:

    Hi Anita, I’ve just found out about this, and it makes my heart swell knowing that there are definitely some moms out there that will give LGBT etc. people support when their family wont. I’m still trying to figure out myself, so it’s nice to hear about other people!

  4. Raven or Xodus says:

    YhaThank you so much, ‘momma’ Anita. I came our as transgender to my family because I thought I was a boy….and all of them laughed and refused to use my pronouns…or even gender neutral ones. My mother refused to acknowledge my coming out….so I shoved my self back in the closet. Then I did some reading and realized that I’m not transgender, I’m genderfluid. My real family ignores it, and says its just a phase…. I came out when I was 7. Its been 11 years. I doubt its a phase. But thank you for this letter. It meant so much…I broke down crying, hugging my phone because I felt accepted. I felt cared for…thank you again…and thanks any one who supports the right for people to be who they really are. <3

  5. Theresa says:

    Anita,
    If more people had moms like you, the world would be so much less screwed up. Your son and his friends are very lucky to have you. I know how amazing it is to have someone, even if it’s your friend’s mom, that loves and supports you when your own parents don’t. When I came out to my mom, she used every excuse in the book as to why I’m not bisexual. She then proceeded to ask if she could tell my dad for me, in case he used harsh words. I allowed her to…but that was in October. I’ve now come to terms with the fact that she was just looking for an excuse to forget it ever even happened. I also know that if I talk to her about it, it will be like coming out all over again. And if I don’t, it will confirm her belief that ‘it’s just a phase’. So, your letter helped me out a lot, and brought tears to my eyes. Even if I never hear those words come out of my own parents’ mouths, I know that there’s someone out there who cares and supports me. someone who doesn’t think I’m cause for embarrassment.

  6. Bennett says:

    Hi Anita! I just wanted to say that I’m friends with your son and I’m so happy to have met him. He’s such a great person. Happy holidays to you, and I think it’s completely awesome that you’re doing this for people like me who aren’t as lucky as your son is to have a supportive family.

  7. Blake says:

    Dear Anita, thank you and your husband so much for all that you do. I am a FtM trans boy and i’m afraid to come out to my parents because of the highly religious/Conservative household I live in. You and all these people doing this are truly a blessing.

  8. Fiona says:

    Thank you so much for doing this, I really needed this for the holiday season. Bless you, and your son is blessed to be in such a welcoming family.

  9. Aly Nida says:

    Thank you for doing this. I have tried to discus my sexuality with my family, and my dad is pretty okay with it, though I believe he is still ignorant in regards to gender spectrum. My mother basically told me that “I was just a kid” and that I was “Too young for labels.” It’s nice to know that there are accepting mothers in the world, even if mine can’t be one of them. Thank you so much!

  10. alice says:

    Thank you, Anita for spreading this message! I saw this on tumblr and I started crying. Your son is incredible lucky to have such a supporting and loving mother.

    I have recently come out to a few very close friends as a lesbian but I probably won’t come out to my family until I move out.
    My mother find homosexuals disgusting and the few times I’ve tried to discuss homosexuality with her she always end up yelling about how unnatural and disgusting it is. I’ve given up trying to change her mind and have practically accepted that I’ll lose her the moment I decide to come out.

    Seeing you as a mother be so supportive of your son makes me incredibly happy and I just want to thank you for the support you give the lgbtqia community! Thank you!

  11. Rae says:

    Hi there Anita! I really wanted to say how very much I appreciate the message that you’re succeeding in spreading in the LGTBQ community. I’m a straight girl myself, but my brother recently came out as a bisexual/gay man. He’s not quite sure of where he is on the spectrum yet (but I’m sure in time he’ll find where he feels most comfortable, and I’ll love him no matter what he feels!), and I was honoured to be the first person he came out to. My stepdad doesn’t really accept him for who he is, so it’s really very comforting to not only him, but to me and everyone else who is either part of, or supporters or the LGBTQ community. The message that you, and other Holiday Moms are spreading is not only important, but very comforting for others, in a time where their families may not accept their children, brothers, sisters, etc just the way they are and the way they’re meant to be, especially during the holidays, which can be a lonely time for anyone, let alone for someone who doesn’t feel like they have anyone. I really would like to commend you on the support that you offer to others who really need it and can’t get it from their own families.
    Cheers and happy holidays!
    Rae

  12. Em says:

    I’m a supporter of the LBGTQ community and I think this is such a great thing you’re doing. Its brilliant and so simple yet means so much.
    Thank you for being such a wonderful person

  13. Stefan says:

    First of all, I want to say thank you. You are an amazing mother, and truly are someone special. I’m also a transman, but I haven’t told my parents yet, and probably never will, because I know that they will never accept me. Yes, I have my friends, two of them are the same as me, aside from the fact that their parents have accepted them, and I started crying when I read this. To have someone I don’t even know offering such support to the entire community….you are truly a wonderful person. Thank you so much. Bless you.

  14. anon says:

    Here’s the thing, you don’t really sound like you’re all that accepting. If you are anywhere near the trans* ecetra group, then you might understand better, but it’s really important to us that our pronouns are used, even if they are hard. Imagine you were struggling with your gender identity and you told your parents and they just ignored your request to be who you are. That would make you feel awful, right? Right. It’s hard enough, being uncomfortable about who you are and what body you’re in all the time, and unsure about everything, and it gets worse if people don’t want to accept you because your preferred pronouns are “too hard” for them to remember. I know you mean your best, but it’s very important to show respect for those who aren’t cis, and don’t follow the “norm” for hetero or queer or trans*. 🙂 I’m just trying to help you understand. Please don’t take this the wrong way.

    • anonymous says:

      hey there! i think you’re a little confused…she is using proper pronouns for her son. her son’s a trans man, so her use of the pronoun “he” is completely correct 🙂

    • Kethry says:

      Hey, anon. Just wanted to point out that Mom Anita is using the pronouns of her child consistently, and mentions in the audio that her child is FtM, so she was already doing what you are asking by respecting her son’s pronouns. <3

  15. Alistair says:

    I’ve been in need of something like this for the last few months. I’ve only recently discovered my being trans*, and I’m too frightened to tell my parents about it. (So far, the only family member that knows is my sister, and that’s because she’s a supporter of LGBTQIA members, and I knew would support and love me without fail.) I couldn’t even tell my mother about not being Christian without her brushing it off as me being “confused about my religion and straying from my path.” She even goes as far as to insult me when I wear masculine clothing or when I refuse to wear makeup to try and get me to be more feminine.

    I believe letters like these can help me through the holidays, and possibly the rest of the year. Your son is so, so lucky, and you (and your husband, I assume?) are truly wonderful for supporting him and reacting positively to his self-discovery. I am in envy, and awe, of your love. I’ll definitely be referring back to this letter during the holidays. Thank you so much for writing this. C:

  16. artemis says:

    this made me smile so much. i recently came out as agender and got a horrific reaction and my parents refuse to acknowledge my new pronouns, saying that ey/em/eir pronouns are too hard to remember. seeing something like this made my shitty day suddenly not so shitty. thank you so much anita, youre fantastic.

  17. Jeremy says:

    Thank you for your support! I haven’t cried this hard in a long time. Thank you for respecting and honoring me and I really hope I have a home where I am honored and respected sometime in the future. Thank you so much!

  18. Jason says:

    Thank you so much for doing this. My mother kicked me out when I came out to her and my dad goes out of his way to call me a girl even though he knows how awful that makes me feel. I asked him to go to PFLAG once and he laughed. Thank you so so so much for doing this. It means a lot to kids like me. It’s almost unreal to think there are parents like you out there but I’m so glad there are.

  19. Eren says:

    After a lot of verbal abuse and belittling from my mom over the last few years, I really needed this. I’m actually crying right now. You’re a wonderful person for being so supportive, I’m glad to have found this message.
    Yours truly,
    a teen who just wants to be accepted

  20. jessica says:

    i’ve never really had the courage to come out to my parents, so they have no idea, but these kinds of messages always bring me hope about what my parents could be like if i do come out in the future. thank you for making this, and happy holidays!

  21. Breezy says:

    As being apart of the GLBTQA circle, I found this very touching and I even started crying. My mom is supportive of me being a lesbian but she hates that I dress in ‘men’s’ clothing and doesn’t understand why I like it. Thank you very much, Mrs. Anita. A lovely mom you are.

  22. darcy says:

    Im not lgbt but im so glad that there is something like this out there to support those who are. Bless you anita!

  23. Alex says:

    thank you, this means soo much. My family is /somewhat/ supportive, but my mom just glares at me when I wear “boys clothing” and calls me “her sweet daughter, girl, she, her, ect.” I think it’s really great that you did this because I get really lonely during the holidays and all I really want for christmas is for my mom to accept me. 🙁

  24. burningLlama says:

    Thanks a load, this means a lot to me and a friend. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas! 😀

  25. Anita says:

    Thank you Mia, and thank you for letting my message make a difference. I hope that your holidays are ok and that you remember that I’m thinking of you and sending you love, as are many others of us here.

  26. Mia says:

    I just want to thank you for doing this! I really look forward to the letters every day 🙂 I haven’t come out to my family yet, but I know that they don’t approve of lgbt people. But this really helps me to know that even if they won’t support me, there are still people out there who will. Thank you 🙂

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