Happy Holidays: Sibling Ashley

Ashley009Listen to the audio recording of this message.

Dearest Sibling,

It may well be that you live in a home where you don’t feel accepted, wanted, or loved. It may well be that you don’t feel free to be the person you know you were born to be. Let me be the first one to say that those people who’ve contributed to your feelings of loneliness, unworthiness, or unwantedness; those people are not your tribe. Your tribe is out here in the world. We welcome you. We embrace you. We send you air-hugs and high-fives. We invite you to join our celebration this holiday.

As my sibling in Spirit and in Orientation, I’d like to invite you to bake with me. I’ll bring the ingredients, and you can stir the bowl. When we’re finished with that, we’ll throw the dessert in the oven and lick the bowl clean. Deal?

We need 3 heaping cups of Love, 2 generous tablespoons of Acceptance, ¼ teaspoon (or more) of Forgiveness, and some secret ingredients I’ve got in a shaker. The Love is for us and for each other. It’s for all the people in the world who need Healing at this time of year. Acceptance is for the other people and past that we cannot change. And it’s for ourselves, because we accept that we’re not the same as everyone else; we don’t just accept it in this kitchen, we celebrate it. Hence the dessert! And Forgiveness is for ourselves, for allowing other people to hurt us, and for those that have hurt us whether they knew better or not. Now stir all of that up in the bowl. Pour it into this glass dish and then you can sprinkle on the goodness.

In this shaker are sprinkles of love from all of the people out in the world who Love and Accept you. We don’t care who you love or are attracted to. We don’t care what parts you were born with or what gender you are. We don’t care if you don’t have hard and fast rules for what you do and don’t like, or if you haven’t fully discovered who you are. We just love you. We accept you right where you are.

This holiday, we sit beside you in Spirit and whisper three I love you’s for every negative thought or word you hear. We give you a long and hard hug of acceptance every time you’re feeling self-conscious. We color with you when you forget the happiness and bliss of childhood. We exchange gifts of inside jokes and tickle-fights. We cuddle together with a warm cup of hot chocolate and watch my favorite movie because you promised that you would. And I sit through the eighteenth rendition of yours, because I love you.

You may not be able to see my holiday tree in person, but know that there is a star hanging on it with your name on it, right next to mine. There is a sparkly piece of tinsel for every sprinkle we sprinkled together. There is a gift beneath the tree full of all of the wishes I wish for you. And every day I ring a gold bell for you, and for me, and all of the other children like us who need a little more love this time of year. We are your tribe. I am your tribe. I am standing in front of you, hands on your shoulders, looking you in the eye saying “I accept you, you are mine.” Because today and every day, I accept you. You are mine. And I am yours.

Loving you always,



  1. Adam Garcia says:

    this made me cry tears of joy, thank you for this. May God bless you and your family. im going to put a star with YOUR name on it, as well as one with mine and they will be right next to each other. thank you for letting me into your tribe. I love you.

  2. Suzanne says:

    This was awesome . . .like really. I usually close my eyes and listen to these and try to wish myself there . . .and they are all really great . . but as someone who is estranged from a sibling, this meant a lot. Thanks for taking the time . . .

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