This season, supportive moms (and a few dads too!) have gathered to send a holiday message to all LGBTQ children, teens and young adults who are without family support and who would like a “stand-in Holiday Mom”–or 40! Knowing that not every parent is ready to accept her own LGBTQ child exactly as-is (as hard as this is for us to imagine), we have written to extend our love beyond that of our own family.
We are not celebrity moms. We are everyday moms from average, everyday homes. Many, but not all, have LGBTQ children of our own (hence, some moms use full names and photos, and some do not). Many, but not all, are straight. Some are single moms with little or no extended family, others are married with several children with large extended families. In other words, even the moms here represent diversity. The vast majority of us came together because we heard about the project, and have never met the founder or each other. The common bond we share is that we are so full of love and pride for our own children–LGBTQ and straight–we wanted to extend ourselves beyond our own families and do something more.
If you would like to get a daily message from US Thanksgiving, 2012 to New Years Day 2013, please sign up for our list (at the top right of our home page there is a form, or it may be at the bottom of your mobile device, and your email will never be shared or sold) so that a message can come to your inbox each day. Or simply check back for a new message each day if that is what works best for you.
We wish you a happy, love-filled Holiday Season!
With Love, Your 40 Moms
Wonderful site. I don’t think I cried so much. I’m 24 years old. My whole family disowned me before I even came out. My mother is a lesbian, and her brother was a closet gay who got affected with aids. All my life my family told me I would be the first to end up in jail, and pregnant, or gay. But, in fact i am the last to have kids. On both sides of my family. and I didn’t end up in jail. I served in the military. and as far as me being gay so what. I’m not technically not gay I am now a transgender man. It hurts me because they don’t accept me but yet they are both gay. I decided to stop going around my family because all they do is bring me down and tell me i’m not who i am.
I, just like so many here, just want to thank you ladies (and gents!), for what you’re doing.
I am a 26 year old Asexual that still hasn’t came out technically (though Ive had to mention frequently that I dont see boys or girls ‘that way’, it seems to go unnoticed for the most part). I’ve felt this way from as far back as I can remember. I’m still determining how to come out to my own mother, who tells me my LGBTQ friends are wonderful people, but calls them names to hurt me and says “…if only they werent that way”
I know that my sexuality might be easier for them to digest in this society than some, but knowing that my mother would use this information against me is troubling, and I feel for each and every one of you that has to go through what you do, but I am with the mothers (having a little girl myself) in saying that WE LOVE YOU.
Thank you for making me cry these happy tears.
Beautiful and you are absolutely right on!! Thank you~~
Jean,
Thank you for your message. I’m so happy you have your faith and you know God loves you just as you are. You are his , and nothing will ever separate you from him and his love and grace. Peace to you this Christmas and always, Jean!
Mom Sue
It’s like minded people like this who can teach and inspire the world. We need to spread the word of love and its true meaning to those who have fallen asleep. Love knows no gender or race. Love has no boundaries or conditions. Love is freedom to be all there is.
I just wanted to say as someone who is queer and uncertain of her own sexual identity and orientation, this makes me bawl like a baby everytime I come on here! I’m a christian, but so many people are so unchristian-like, even around this time of year at my church. It just picks me up and reminds me that there’s good things in the future. It’s places like here that allow me to be both. to love God and be me. So thank you sooooo much for showing that everyone deserves a Mom and a family that loves them.
Dear Jean,
As I told another dear soul, you are a beloved child of the Creator. I am also a Christian, and hope that you can extend love to others, and forgive those who do not exemplify Christ’s love.
While sad to say, you may want to visit other churches – I don’t know your age, so this may have to wait, depending on your family circumstances – the Metropolian Church, the United Church of Christ, SOME Episcopal and Methodist churches, Unity Church, are some that come to mind as being more LGBTQ friendly. Every church is unique, so it may take a while. And if you live in a small town, you may have limited options.
Just keep loving God, Jean, and keep your heart open. And know that you are personally loved more than you could ever know!
Hugs from your Holiday Mom,
Mom LARK
This is such a wonderful site – thank you all for doing this. You make a huge difference.
For those of you reading this and feeling alone, please remember that if you ever need to talk to someone, you can always call The Trevor Project Lifeline, where trained counselors are waiting to talk to you 24/7, 365 days a year. The number is 1-866-488-7386 and the call is free and confidential. You’re never alone, you’re loved, and an entire community is out here to support you.
Warm and happy holiday wishes to you all!
Carolyn
Thank you for that information Carolyn, the world is a better place for The Trevor Project Lifeline!
As a member of the LGBTQ community I want to thank you for this. I know so many people who need to see this, and I’ll be posting on my face book in a moment. It is such a blessing that your group exists. You all make the world a better place. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. God Bless you for all the kindness you are showing.
Yours,
Chris
Bless you for sharing Christopher… from the bottom of our hearts, we did this for you!
This is such a beautifu idea, it moved me to tears. Thank you all so much for doing this xxx
Elizabeth,
I’m so sorry you were treated like this by your mom and she still hasn’t been able to accept you, unconditionally, for the beautiful daughter and woman you are. I am imagining myself hugging you with both my arms tightly wrapped around you right now… I’m one of 40 adopted mom’s who will always love you, just the way you are, because that is the only way to be.
With love,
Mom Sue
Thank you so much. That made me cry very very happy tears. I could even imagine you hugging me. Thank you so much.
i would love to be part of an “everyday virtual mom” program, if you could get enough people to write letters, or maybe some could write more, for different days. this is such a wonderful idea!
This is amazing. I came out when I was 16 and my mom beat the shit out of me 2 years prior to that, when I came out it got even worse. I moved in with my Dad and have support from him but its hard not to have a “mom” during the holiday, or any day. This is totally amazing. Thank you for this.
Wow, this is amazing! Thank you so much for doing this! I’m 18 and just came out to my family about a year ago shortly after I lost my brother. Finding this was an absolute gift as I’m getting ready to go home for the holidays and having put on a brave face while acting like nothing ever happened.
So again, thank you it’s a great reminder that people do still care.
~Logyn Alexander
Thank you for this site, it is wonderful to know that there are parents and mothers who accept his children since are, that they can feel indeed loved. I am 30 years old and i am lesbian and my mother condemns me for it, as my brothers and my father also, it is difficult to listen that they say to you that they love you, but that you are not for what they hope, that you are worse than an assassin, that you are what has damaged them more … and simply you think that the only thing that you do is to love differently, I not believe that the love was bad, maybe it is. Congratulations for all this effort, it´s pretty amazing and i´m grateful from the bottom of my heart!!! God Bless You, all of you and your families too.
This is a inspirational site that I wished could have been around when my sister was struggling with our family not accepting her because she was Gay. I believe if she had this kind of support, it would have saved her from decades of drug and alcohol abuse. Now, in her 50s, my sister is drug and alcohol free. She’s been in sobriety over a year. I watched in support of my sister through this painful time as different family members turned their back on her. Thank you for your holiday moms keeping the faith of those who truly need their love and support….This will not only keep them encouraged but it will possibly save their lives….Again, keep inspiring!
This..is simply beautiful. A few years ago, I was one of these kids, unable to come out to my family, desperately in need of support, reaching out to anyone that would just accept me for who I am. This year, I’m in a happily committed relationship with an amazing woman, and we have a gorgeous little girl of our own; our families are aware of our relationship and, while in some ways we can’t be as open as we’d like, we’ve mostly been met with support and love. Had I found something like this, Holiday Moms, even last year, I think life for me would have been much simpler and I think I’d have been much more encouraged to come out to my own mother sooner. So, I applaud you for what you’re doing, and I thank you for it as well. I hope to be able to watch this project grow in the years to come, and maybe even to be a part of it in the future.
I want to put my name on the list to be a holiday mom for next year please. Please contact me.
HI Kathy… please write us at the address above and you’ll get a reply, we promise!
I would love to be a holiday mom for next year. I know a teen who grew up in a strict Christian family who felt like an outcast for years living at her own home and It took me telling her I supported LGBT in my own town for her to open up to me. I feel sorry for these teens they need lots of support that just is not there some times.
I saw your website and I honestly cried. I hadn’t realized how much this meant to me. I tried coming out to my mother as bisexual five or six years ago…I was 22 or 23 at the time…only to be told that it was a phase and a sin. We never discussed it again and life continued on, both of us more or less pretending I’d never said anything. I suppose it never really registered that parents could be genuinely supportive with no conditions or regrets. Thank you for doing this…I only wish I could meet these lovely people in person!
will you settle for a virtual bigggg squishey hug ?????
))) i am sorry that your mom is so
un-understanding …happy holidays Kathy & all the best in 2013 xo
I came out to my friends and family roughly 3 months ago. I am 20 y/o and I received so much love from friends and family. As i have read from others, I consider myself very lucky. My dad told me “you are still my son and I love you.” I will never forget it. I feel it is partially my job now to make it easy for others or help those who do not have it as easy. Thank you for this site and it honestly teared me up knowing there are people like yourselves helping others this time of year. Keep it up and from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
soo very happy for you …Happy Holidays to you Alex !!
all the best in 2013.
I am one of the lucky ones that was not only accepted by my family but my partners. We are now the incrediably lucky mothers to identical 2 year old twin boys. I want everyone to know that not only will things get better you too can have a family if you want one. Everyone’s path is different, but nontheless less important. Happy Holidays and may happiness, health and love find you now and forever.
BEAUTIFUL Kurlykat! Love hearing this! Wow, those twins are lucky indeed. Blessed holidays! Shamama
inspiring!!!!!!!!!
yayyy .happy holidays to u and your family this season and all the seasons to come !!
Pingback: Your Holiday Mom – Sign up to receive LGBTQ-positive messages from real parents through the Holidays | UChicago LGBTQ Student Life ShoutOUT!
Wow. What a great site. Im one of the lucky ones that I was excepted by my family and my boyfriend’s family. We can celebrate the holidays together openly. This site could make the Grinch’s heart grow. Nice job.
Happy Holidays to you and yours Tim ! xo
I am not a mom, I’m a 20 year old and I love what is being done here. I want to make it clear that there are people there for everyone. There is no excuse ever for someone to condemn another for who they love. I wish we lived in a world where coming out wasn’t even necessary but we don’t, so just remember that no matter how much people get you down, you are not alone and no one should be made to feel that way. There is nothing wrong or weird about you other than the uniqueness that every human being possesses. Keep your heads up and your hearts strong because you are beautiful and wonderful!!
Love,
Stef
Stef, I think you are now a Holiday Sister! What a beautiful message to everyone who visits here. Love to you!
*Love* (not just “Like”)
Hey, wanted to say thank you for supporting the community. I think it’s great to have things like this for people who need kind words. I know I’m a rare ‘good story’ with parents who are accepting, even as they struggle to understand. I wish more families were like that.
Random thought of mine: I can guess why “Mom” was used, but why not “Family” instead for gender-neutral? Just a trans* spectrum twitch-response to gendered words.
Best wishes and Happy Holidays,
R.Louis
I understand R. Louis, and truthfully, I had not thought of the family perspective from a trans angle, so much to learn! We are getting some dads in here, and sisters and aunts, and all that… but truthfully, when I thought of this (and I literally thought of it one day and started it the next) I didn’t think beyond moms because of last years holiday mom message… but good thought! So glad you are a “rare good story!” and I think this place shows not TOO rare! Lots of love to go around!
Wow. I’ve never been so touched by a website before in my life. This is such an incredibly generous and touching thing to have done. I came out to my mom last fall, after agonizing about this for ten years, since I realized my sexual orientation as a lesbian when I was 15. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done, and I needed to know that I was in a time in my life when I was strong enough to take whatever her reaction would be. I wanted to tell my dad too, to just get it all over with, but my mom deleted my e-mail before my dad could see it and said she was afraid my dad would leave her if he found out and still hopes I’ll change my ways so he’ll never need to know. It is the hardest thing. I have always been a “good girl” – excelled in school, have postgraduate degrees, am very active in the community – but my mom’s disapproval just makes me feel completely terrible and like I am such a let down and failure – I’ve never felt that way before and it’s horrible. Last Christmas, I went home for a week and it was total hell. My mom would cry and plead with me and make me feel so guilty and like I had failed her so badly. And now, as the advent season begins and Christmas draws closer, my fear increases each day as I think about going home again to put myself through another visit. I don’t know if I can make it through that again, but I am also too afraid of her reaction not to go home. It feels so unsafe there. I have never known a relaxing, joy-filled Christmas. My faith is a really important part of my life, but I just feel like I can’t create a space of openness in my heart to welcome Jesus’ birth yet again when I have to put myself through the terror of a Christmas at home where I know I’ll spend hours at the kitchen table with her listening to how horrible her life is and how I’ve made it so bad (she did that to me before she knew I was gay) and make me feel, for the first time, so deeply ashamed and immoral for who I am, which is frustrating because intellectually I know how wrong all of this is and have degrees in gender studies and sexual diversity. But yet this project can give me hope that out there, someone who doesn’t even know me wants to spread love and knows, in a small way, about the challenges that can exist for people like me and to want to “make up” for people like my own mom who can’t be there for me. That gives me hope – my faith tells me that family is not about blood relations but about love – and so thank you all for being my moms in love.
That is so hard Clare, but wow, how important that you found us! I am so glad to have you here, come each day to find more support… you will!
Dear, dear, wonderful, sweet, *good enough* Claire,
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes from reading your story. As you pointed out, your mother’s unhappiness about her life came long before you came out to her. You didn’t cause her unhappiness and you can’t change it, and as long as she believes that the responsibility for her happiness lies outside of her, she’ll continue to be miserable. regardless of what you do with your life. (It also baffles me that she believes your father might leave her if he found out you’re a lesbian, I don’t understand what one thing has to do with the other.)
It’s unfortunate that you can’t have the relationship with your parents that we all dream of having (and which most of us actually never get, in my experience that’s pretty much a 50′s Hollywood myth.) The best thing you can do for yourself is to really understand at a deep level that each person’s happiness is a choice, it’s up to us. How we look at the world defines our experience of it, and you can define your world as having thousands of people who love, support and accept you just as you are, even people who don’t know you and may never meet you, like me!
One of the many wonderful things about this life is that we can choose to recreate a family for ourselves with people who can give us what our parents may not be able to. I am one of the moms of this project, I have a GLB*T* son, and I’d be honored for you to think of me, imagine me hugging you tightly and telling you you’re beautiful and wonderful, and that I’m proud to have you as my holiday daughter.
Claire,
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I would never say I know what it is like to go through what you are going through, but I know what its like to have a mother not care or even hurt (I’m not a mom, just a young adult). Just remember you are not failing her, hurting her, or doing anything to her other than trusting her with the truth. You deserve to be loved and accepted, and hopefully she comes around and realizes what a beautiful and wonderful daughter she has. If not, just remember that (as you said) family doesn’t necessarily mean blood and you will find your niche with people who love and respect you for who you are, unconditionally. Be strong.
Love
Stef
i am sooo sorry you have such a burden placed on your shoulders by your mother .Please know that you perfect just as you are and your mothers old view thinking is wrong based on ignorance and hurtful .The love i feel reading your story is unconditional i wish i could go to family dinner with you for support ..i pray for you strength and peace claire..may your mother come to her senses before she alienates her self from most precious gift she was ever given …YOU..Happy holidays & all the best for 2013.xo
On Dec 1, 2012, at 8:04 PM, Felix Alvarado wrote:
Hello I’m a Puertorrican young man gay. I just found the holiday mom’s on tumblr and I want to receive your messages every single day.
Thanks for that beautiful intention to bring love and compassion to every gay men on this season. Love for your support. Happy Holidays!! Merry Christmas!!!
Félix Emilio Alvarado
Sent from my iPhone
Hello Dearheart, just sign up on the top right of the page to get messages every day! That’s how you can add yourself, then confirm your interest!
This is a wonderful idea. I am 50 now, and was disowned by my family more than 25 years ago, but holidays remain a tough time. All my love to the women involved in this who embody the spirit of what a mother should be. *hugs*
We adopt any age, Julies… so welcome to the family! HUGS, Shamama
Hi Jules xo love and hugs right back at you xo HAPPY HOLIDAYS !!
I found this on the blogging websiit Tumblr. And I just had to check it out. I came out to my mom this past summer and she was quick to condem me to hell. Having her talk to me that way was heartbreaking. I started the first Gay Straight Alliance that my rural county in North Carolina has ever seen and I wanted nothing more than for her to be.
I have never felt so rejected my anyone in my life. I have struggled with self harm and depression for a while now and once I came out to my mom it has only gotten worse. I just want to feel like I fit in the family and I’m not a complete reject.
This site is great and I think what you guys are doing is great!!
Dear Anna,
Honey, please don’t believe it if anyone tells you that there is something wrong with you. I’m so, so sorry that your mom is not now understanding that you are still you..just like you’ve always been. I hope that she will come to understand this in time. I, too, grew up in North Carolina in a small town. I know exactly the kind of attitudes you are facing. Please, please believe me when I tell you this: there is nothing wrong with you. You are not less than a person. You are completely normal and totally human and worthy of every dignity, every happiness, every ounce of joy and love within a person’s power to give. I care about you, and I’m not alone. Hold on to your heart. Don’t hurt yourself. You will grow up and grow stronger than the attitudes around you. You will decide where your life will take you. You are strong and smart. You started a GSA in a place that never had one before! Amazing and so, so brave! Even as brave as you are, you still want to feel that you belong. Sadly, there are some that may not accept who you are, but there are more who will. You belong here, and you belong in my heart. You are loved, by so many and you don’t even know it yet. I love you. Stay strong!
What she ^ said, up there… I feel all the love, acceptance and support for you that she does. <3
Hey I’m Stef,
Anna, be strong. There is nothing wrong with you! You are not a reject and you are part of a family. It may not feel that way now, but you will find yours in the people you love, and they may not be blood but they will love you for who you are 100%. If your mom can’t come around its her fault and she is missing out on you. Because you are beautiful. Keep your head up and your heart strong!
I am not a mom, I’m a 20 year old and I love what is being done here. I want to make it clear that there are people there for everyone. There is no excuse ever for someone to condemn another for who they love. I wish we lived in a world where coming out wasn’t even necessary but we don’t, so just remember that no matter how much people get you down, you are not alone and no one should be made to feel that way. There is nothing wrong or weird about you other than the uniqueness that every human being posses.
Love,
Stef
seconded !!! beautifully put steph!! xo
Thank you for this site. Thank you so much.
I never intended to come out to my parents when I did – right before my 19th birthday, I broke up with my boyfriend (a Good Christian Boy from my church group) and kissed one of my best girl friends. We didn’t start dating for a few months, during which time she moved across the country, and we kept in touch by writing letters – me getting a PO Box in secret so I didn’t have to worry about my parents going though my stuff. I kept her letters in the glovebox of my car, somewhere my parents would have no reason to be, and where I thought they would be safe. They weren’t. My parents confronted me one day with a letter Birdie had written me, where she told me she loved me and how much she missed me since she moved. They told me that I had the option of either “changing my lifestyle” or moving out.
I chose to move out.
In the 7.5 years since then, they’ve come to… acknowledge and begrudgingly accept that I am in a relationship with a woman (and Birdie and I are getting legally married as soon as we both have all the paperwork necessary to get a marriage license in our state). They still don’t approve, they still think it’s a choice, and to be honest I feel like they’re still hoping I’ll change my mind one day, but they ask how Birdie’s doing usually.
Unfortunately, I’ve also (in the time since I left home) come out as transgender. I’ve been VERY blessed in that my employer and coworkers have no problem with it, and Birdie knew it was coming before I’d really even solidified that that’s why I was having so much trouble with gender issues and was the most supportive fiancee a guy could ask for. Last spring when I went to visit my parents for my birthday, I decided it was time to come out as trans to them. I had everything prepared – I had what I wanted to tell them written down, I had resources for them, the contact and meeting info for the local PFLAG chapter. And they calmly told me that they had no control over what I wanted to do with my life, and I was free to choose to live how I wanted, but they were not going to allow it in their house. Despite asking them to call me Mat, talking as maturely as I could about it, breaking down in tears as I did, they refused to accept that this was anything but a “deviant lifestyle choice” that I was making.
The idea that there is even one mom out there who would bring me into her heart no questions asked and love on me for the holidays is… mindblowing. That there are 40 of you just… makes me want to cry.
Okay, not just WANT to cry. I’m sitting here at work trying to not be obvious about the fact that I’m crying, reading this site.
I have subscribed to this site and I know it’ll be a lifesaver – I’m going to visit my parents for a few days a week before Christmas, and they’ll be introducing me as their “daughter, Elizabeth” (a name I haven’t used since long before I was out as trans, incidentally, and they know it) the entire time. I will need all the unconditional love and support I can get.
Being a queer, trans* person is hard enough. It’s even harder when you’re adopted, and you feel like your parents have decided that it can’t be their fault you’re like this, because they raised you to be a Good Christian Girl, and that maybe they made a mistake adopting you because you’re clearly defective. This is probably my own hurt overdramatizing their reaction, but that’s how it feels.
Thank you for being here, and reminding me that there are moms out there who love me without even meeting me.
-Matty Rose
Matty,
Hi honey~Reading your post made me cry. You are so very brave to do what you needed to do 7 years ago. It is hard for me to understand how your parents could react in this way, giving you the choice of “their way” or the highway.
When you say, they still think it’s your choice, I wonder if you have asked them if they chose to be heterosexual? It may seem to them, like you are asking a question to defend yourself, however, maybe it would open their minds a bit to the possibility that there is and never was a “choice”, involved.
It seems you have moved on with “your” life and I’m happy to read you have much support from your coworkers and others, apart from your family. Also, it’s wonderful, you and Birdie plan to be married~I’m happy for both of you
Be true to yourself always, Mat, just be you, like you have been doing. Be patient, be good, be kind, be loving to your family, even though they are having a hard time with this. You are all getting through it, one day at a time.
Love,
Mom Sue
Dear Matty,
Reading your story and watching what my own trans son (F->M) has gone through in his life, I would love to ask your parents to sit down and seriously, logically consider why you would choose this. No one chooses to spend years living in a body that they hate, wishing they were someone else, being rejected by family members and friends – that’s just insanity to believe that. My son’s father and stepmother have also had issues with all of this; they are also very religious, but in a different religion that at the institutional level also doesn’t accept GLBTs (meaning there are probably individuals at their synagog who do, but the party line at that level is no.) His stepmom is a little more on board, but last I heard, his dad still uses female pronouns to refer to him, and still calls him Rachel, even though he had a legal name change over 2 years ago.
I’m one of the project moms, and even if I weren’t, I’m another one who loves, accepts and supports you just the way you are. Sweetie, you are a brave, strong, courageous person who is determined to live your own life as your true self, and create your own happiness despite the vehement objections of your family. You rock! (Cry away, I’m not going anywhere, I will continue to think of you long after this phase of the project is over, and will send you and Birdie blessings on your love.)
Best of wishes to you and Birdie, and when you do get married, please imagine 40+ moms /parents all sitting there crying our eyes out in happiness for you.
I haven’t come out yet because I’m afraid of what my family will think or do, but it makes me happy to know that there are people like the mothers (and fathers) on here who are so full of unconditional love and are so supportive of complete strangers. There is something so special about each and every one of you. Thank you for everything you do. It is greatly appreciated.
Morgan, it’s a big thing to do, and when the time is right, know there are a lot of moms behind you all the way! Hugs, Shamama
yep hugging you tight Morgan ..HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
Thank you Kallie!
I saw a link to this on tumblr and didn’t think I’d be as affected as everyone else was. I’ve been very blessed in that I have a fantastic family who loves, accepts, and supports me unconditionally. In fact, I think my mom was kind of excited when I came out to her. I also live in southern california, a pretty LGBT friendly place.
But reading through these made me cry. Even though I’ve been so lucky in the way I grew up and where I live; I’ve had mean things shouted at me and gotten dirty looks while walking hand in hand with my girlfriend while visiting her at school; thanks to the internet and Fox News, I’ve heard and seen a lot of what people still think about the LGBTQ community and it’s pretty disheartening.
But still, I know how lucky I’ve been and I know that so many people just like me don’t have what I have. So coming here and seeing all of this support for them (well, us) moved me to tears. It’s nice to have a reminder that the whole rest of the world isn’t against us. Not every new person we meet is judging us when we mention having a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend, or vice versa.
Sorry, I’ve always had trouble collecting my thoughts, but I just wanted to say I really appreciated this endeavor and I’m looking forward to the rest of the moms’ messages.
Happy Holidays to everyone here! Thank you
Kallie, I think your comment is just perfect! I’m glad the letter got to the deeper places in you. I think we could ALL use 40 loving moms in this world! Bless you! Shamama
I feel a little bad about posting this, I did have good support from my mother. But, she died a month, and a day ago. None of my other family is supportive/knows/understands me being genderqueer. Some accept me as a lesbian (kinda) but I lost the only person I could talk to about this stuff. Not surprising she had been sick with a terrible disease since the age of nine, but it’s still making this holiday season difficult. I live with my grandma who just ignores this side of me, but again I should be grateful. I have it better than most. Goodluck this holiday season to everyone.
Spencer, please know that losing a mother who understood you is a pain all of its own, and there is no reason to be sorry for missing her so deeply, and wanting to be accepted by those still walking the earth. Your grief and pain is unique, but no less valid. My heart to you this holiday, Spencer! I’ll be thinking of you. Shamama
spencer i am sooo sorry for your loss ..i hope you have a ton of hugs..i wish you peace and comfort this holidays .. and i would love be someone you talk too when you need a mom , long distance pep talk ..or loving strength sent your way ….to be an understanding ear and safe place to vent
and your grandma reminds me of my granny .. my son is gay and granny & my grandpa being ‘old world’ thinking there have been some trying moments .but i have never allowed them to make my son feel that was his problem because it is not…. it is their unevovled thinking and i kind of pity them.as my son doesnt need their acceptance to be okay with himself .. i showed him to be ok with himself since he breathed air. sounds like your mom was a kindered sipirt in that sense ..i am sending love and best wishes from wayyy up north ..Canada .. land of the igloos 
lol Happy Holidays!! 
HUGS!!
Dearest Spencer,
I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. But keep in mind that you can still talk with your Mom – you just have to listen with your heart. She will always be there for you. And all of us Holiday Moms are here for you as well. Sending love and hugs, LARK
Hi Callie
Happy Holidays to u as well .. your words touched the core of me …because my son who is gay, has had experiences similar to yours in public some boarding on violent… never when i was around ,as i would have felt extreme pity for the person foolish enough to do something like that to my child or anyone elses for that matter in my presence ..lol but all else aside ..i want you to know there is a growing number of people working to change this thru action ,educating the ignorgant and uneducated,and all of us speaking up and saying enough..together we will… be the change… that paves the way for future generations to be born into a world of automatic equality and love of all …so keep being you xo thanks for writing here which allowed me to connect with you and share similar expereinces ..love&light xo
A shot in the dark, but would anyone involved with the project be willing to be interviewed for a paper I’m writing at my university for a Civic Engagement class? Our paper is meant to be written about a community or group whose initiative inspires us, and as someone whose parents refuse to even acknowledge her orientation and whose efforts hit so close to home for me, I would love to include you guys in it.
Jessa, I’d be glad to share a few of the mom’s contact with you… write me and we’ll find someone!
As someone who was abandoned by my entire family for being queer a few years ago, the pain is always a little sharper during the holidays. I literally burst into tears when I saw this on Tumblr. Even just the idea that some mothers are our there wishing us well when are own have left us for dead means so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
you are welcome!
Joann, you are very, very welcome. Sending you blessings and strength during this holiday season. <3
hugs joann!! Hope you have a very Happy Holidays and all the best in 2013 !!!!!
Thank you all so much for doing this, you wonderful generous people. This is such a great idea and I will spread the word. I came out to my family this year and it is still very raw. Things are actually really good with my mom, but my dad isn’t accepting yet which hurts a lot, so I am really excited to hear from the dads in your line up. Thank you dads!
Hugs to your rawness… we do have a few dads coming! Shamama
Hi Shamama, Thank you.
. Sending love back to you all.
Also, I wanted to mention one bit of feedback that is relevant to a few letters (I am reluctant to even go there, because overall, this blog is so wonderful and generous, but I noticed someone else mentioning feedback and you appreciated it so I will say it). As a transgender person, the T is often overlooked when we talk about LGBT folks and issues, which can be hard, because I really want to seek refuge in the lgbt community, but it isn’t always inclusive of us trans folks. So I just wanted to mention that when moms and dads say things in the letters about sexual orientation, its important to say sexual orientation and gender identity, or else you are speaking to the LGB folks but not necessarily including the T folks, because being transgender is not a sexual orientation, it is a gender identity. Does that make sense? Anyway, I don’t know if everyone has already written their letters, if so, maybe this is something to keep in mind for next year
Yes, the letters are written, but I will look out for that! So much to learn. We truly FEEL inclusive in our hearts, just need to learn the language which you are helping us with. Thank you! Hugs! Shamama PS, I will look out for this in all our editing!
i find this explanation very helpful because i lacked the knowledge before i read it ..thank you M.O. .. i will from now on be more mindful in my connections xo HAPPY HOLIDAYS !!
love&squisheys
The supreme power of a mother’s love changes everything… every.little.thing.ever. The divine feminine energy is CREATE. This website is epic. The moms here are goddesses. This gives me hope. I couldn’t be more grateful to see this.
Consider this shared, shared, shared. Everyone needs a mother’s love. Bless you.
and bless you too!
xo Jill xo i loveeeee your energy ..comes shining thru in your post !!! love & hugs ..Happy Holidays !!
Thank you thank you thank you. That is really all I can say. This project is absolutely amazing and what you are doing is the very definition of love. As a daughter whose mom does not support her bisexuality in the slightest I am honored to know there are 40 other moms out there that do accept me for who I am. As an advocate for LGBTQ youth who are struggling I am so beyond glad they have other moms they can turn to.
This is absolutely amazing. Thank you so much.
glad to be there for you!
i have a sneaking suspicous there is more then 40 of us now as the ripple grows …you are accepted for… you… in my heart always .. i soo proud of you for being an advocate !! sooo inspiring .. wish you love and strength this holiday season and everyday after !!
Please email me i would to receive a message daily it would be the best part of my day, and thank you the love you have for us all iv been reading these messages and crying most of the night , it makes me so happy that there are such wonderful moms out there.
There is a box to your right, at the top of the site, to add your email… then you have to confirm it… so glad you are touché Janine!
I think you are absolutely amazing and just fantastic for creating this website, a place where people can feel safe and loved. I’m not LBGTQ, and in all honesty don’t know much about any of it, but I grew up with a gay uncle. To me all of it is just natural. I really want to thank you for writing all these loving messages, as I know there are so many people out there who will judge. I cried a little at reading all these loving words, and when I scrolled down to read some of the comments I couldn’t stop crying. I’m so glad these loving words get through to people and mean so much to them.
Thank you for making this website and sharing your love with the world! <3.
So glad you are here Sophie!
Thank you so much for doing this, it’s one of the most wonderful things I’ve ever seen on the internet. This is great for those of us who are queer or trans*, and others too. My mum, dad, and step-mum are abusive and very difficult to handle, and a lot of the time I feel like I’m not worth anything, and like there’s no one who will be on my side. I want so badly to have a parent who will love me unconditionally, without telling me bad things about myself and making me believe them, and for a few moments listening to these audios and reading the letters I can believe that. I know that if I came out to my dad or step-mum they wouldn’t accept me, so I understand that side of it too. I can’t stop crying, it’s a beautiful thing you’ve done, thank you so much.
SH, you’re worth something to us. Just know that! And crying isn’t so bad if it lets your heart feel some relief. I hope that happens for you her! Shamama
Dear SH,
I’m one of the project moms, and even if I weren’t, I would still want YOU to know you’re loved, accepted and supported for who you are, by all of us and thousands more who haven’t even heard of the project but who feel the same way we do.
You are enough, you are worthy, and I feel sorry for anyone whose beliefs make them so close-hearted that they can’t see that. I wish for you the deep knowing that their beliefs are about them (none of which has anything to do with you,) and the courage and strength to go out and live your life for yourself, choosing to create your own happiness and fulfillment, surrounded by people who love you for yourself.
BIG *hugs* from a proud mom of a fabulous trans son
Hello, I just thought I’d come and say how much I appreciate you all. I am in tears, I am a 15 year old female-to-male transguy. I came out as a lesbian at age 13 and came out as trans earlier this year, my mom has been abusive since the time I was 13. I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder. I’ve been admitted to the mental hospital twice this year, and my doctor wanted to put me on electric-shock therapy. I’m currently on medication, but I self-harm because of my home situation. I’ve had a rough time, and have to deal with transphobia in my househould every day. This blog really put a smile to my face, and made me very glad to know there are people like you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
don’t hurt yourself, you are cared about! we need you!
Sam,
You are so genuine and good to yourself, by being so honest in who you are, I wish you wouldn’t hurt yourself. Look how far you have come! I wish I could wrap my arms around you right now and let you feel the love I have for you!! You know, honey, all you can do is take care of yourself and continue to be the good person you are. We have no control over other people’s actions or emotions, only our own. I am concerned that you feel that your mom is abusing you and has been for the last two years. If you haven’t already, maybe you should talk to your local social services or the police. All your mom’s here, care about your well being, Sam!
With love,
Mom Sue
Oh sweetie, I also want to reach out and hug you until you feel safe and loved. I hope you can find someone to give you some support, maybe a school counselor, a teacher, or some other adult who can help you make it through the next few years. Maybe there is a support group or organization in your area, or one you can find online, to help? I really hope you find something soon, you are worth it!
I’d like to say a huge THANK YOU for doing this! I am a transgender high school senior and your message has touched me so much. I think everyone involved with this project is taking part in something really beautiful, so really, again: thank you, thank you, thank you. My own mother doesn’t approve of people on the LGBT spectrum and so to hear your message of tolerance and warmth truly touched my heart. I hope your holidays are wonderful and full of as much love as I received while visiting your site!
Hello Sage! Thank YOU for being so brave to be who you really, truly are. Listen on the wind and you’ll hear me cheering you on! Shamama
This website is absolutely amazing. Yes, my mother accepts me and supports me 100%, but my girlfriend’s mother doesn’t support her at all. She tells her it’s just a phase and is totally against her being a lesbian. She downs her all the time because of it. We aren’t actually allowed to see one another because her mother thinks I “converted her to the dark side”. I am going to show my girlfriend this site. I think she needs these letters showing love and support. Thank you all so much for this site. It is great.
Hello! I just wanted to let you people know your site is fintastic. I’m not LGBTQ, as far as I’m aware. (Still a teenager! I honestly don’t care much about what gender anyfish is, as long as they’re nice. I do think it’s much too early for me to be certain about my own orientation.) But I do have a couple trans friends (So hard to believe other people when they refer to him as a “her”. If they say they’re a bouy, then they’re a bouy. People who don’t get that dolphinitly confuse me.) who said they reely, reely happy about this site, and of course I absolutely had to sea what it was that made him as joyful as a clam in a bay! I think you gills are doing quite important work here. (Not that is a job, by any standards, but it’s certainly needed by some fishes out there without a school to swim in!) It’s delightful that salmon’s doing somefin for them, seariously! (Oh, I just kelp carping on! I can’t help myshellf, so I’ll leave with just a swimply thank you to all you fintastic holiday mommas!) Kelp glubbing on!
Thank you so much for doing this. Though I have a loving family, my father is a strict Catholic and conservative man. He finds it hard, I know, to accept me as his son even as the rest of the world sees me as such. I’m also apart from my mum a lot this season and it’s so reassuring to hear these voices promising me that I’m loved. I send the most heartfelt blessings and healing thoughts to all of you in your work. Thank you.
Dear Luca… we will be thinking of you this season! You’ve got 40 moms, and some loving dads coming this way too!
My mother passed away August 23rd of this year. I’m a female-to-male transsexual, and she was my biggest supporter. She died tragically, and while I was blessed to see her the week before, I still had some words for her at her service about just promising me that she would come to my wedding to my high school sweet heart in the years to come, but at the same time I do know she will be with me always.
That’s not to say it’s not hard. I found this website through a friend and it seems absolutely amazing. To have the support of an adult is something that I really need, and kind of lost when I lost my mother. I cannot express how much I respect and love all of you for doing this for people. Strangers even. More people need to learn to be this kind and loving.
Thank you all.
You are loved, and we are only strangers because we have not met in person Dylan… but here, we’re family. It’s not much in one way, but it’s a whole lot in other ways. HUGS to you!
If you need any more moms, please let me know. Everyone should feel love and accepted on the holidays.
This is so wonderful. I’m a young lesbian living alone. I am cut off from my family this holiday season and it has been really hard. They don’t accept my orientation, but they’re the only family that I have and being cut off so suddenly has left me in a tail-spin.
These messages….god…they’re just. There literally are not word to describe how grateful I am for all of you who took the time to do this and who care enough about ME. Someone you’ve never even met. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. <3. All the love. <3.
Tina, I am so glad we can be here for you. There are plenty more coming, we’ve just started, so please enjoy and let each day help you not be so alone. HUGS! Shamama
Tina, as one of the 40 mom’s, your message back to us is exactly what I needed. The great thing about this is that it’s a win-win!!
Love you,
Happy Holidays and everyday!
Mom Sue
I’m one of the project moms, and even though my message won’t be up till the end, I want you to know how much I accept and support you, even though I’m sure we’ll never meet. Thanks for the feedback, it’s nice to know what a difference we’re making past our own children.
hugs tina xo!!! and you are sooo right i care about YOU and i wish you peace&love this year and all of your lifetime ..
Thank you so much for this, i am a young queer/lesbian and i am in tears. we all need moms and when our moms aren’t there for us — what you’re doing here is so valuable to me, thank you. i can hardly express how much this love helps me. thank you so much.
dry your tears or let them flow whichever feels best xo here is a >>>huge squishey hug<<<< ..just for u xo
Bless you dear heart! We are so glad to be of help!
There aren’t words to explain how these mothers expressing their love makes me feel. I am so used to having a mother and father who do not except who I am, that sometimes I forget that there ARE parents out there who truly love their children for exactly who they are. It is so refreshing and exciting to just listen to these mothers offer unconditional love and acceptance, and I wish I could meet each and every one of them in person so I could hug them and thank them. It means the world to this 23 year old lesbian. You all make the world a better place!
ohhhh hugs ?????????? i am sooo in pretty lady !! SQUISHEY HUGS xo as a mom who never had to “accept ” her childness sexuality because its a non issue in our home, because i was to busy being grateful for them .. i really truly feel sorry for your parents .. why ?? becuase that one paragraph you just wrote shows me that they are missimg out on sooooooooooooo much ..Beautiful lil ball of light you are .. my advice…. xo always go to the light xo And you lil miss make the world a better place
HUGS !!!!!!!!
How can I get involved with this? I’d love to write a letter.
A few have asked about getting involved–how wonderful! We currently have 40 moms (and a few dads!) for our 40 days, but if you would like to help, please share this with as many media sources, bloggers, etc.. as you might know of and care to. We have no profit motive, and our costs have been minimal, so our goal now is simply to reach as many as we can with this love. To contact our founder, write [email protected]
My daughter came out to us last year and we too are so proud of her! Our belief is that we trust her judgement, we don’t care who she is with as long as that person is good to her, respectful, loving, and that the relationship is “healthy” for her. It is her right to be happy and as parents it is our duty to love & support our children.
I would love to help those who need similar support — call on me if i can help!
How wonderful, Fiorella! So glad to hear! And thank you! Wrote you back!
Happy Holidays to you and yours Fiorella!!
Though I am do not fall under the Q umbrella, I know what it’s like to have a mother that was just so absent through my youth that it very adversely affected how I grew up. Though now me and her get along so much better, the old scars still shine through sometimes.
What you are doing is amazing. The amount of people who need to hear positivity from others increases every year as more people (and younger and younger people) are diagnosed with depression and anxiety issues. I wish that I could share your messages of hope with more people.
Thank you.
I’ve been listening to each of these messages and in the beginning I feel alright, for maybe the first few seconds. Then in hits me and I simply break down, it’s the break down that’s been on the verge, but nothing has hit home hard enough to put me into it. A break down into the realization of who I am, and who my mother wants me to be. I’m envious and distant, but with each one of these messages I’ve felt warmth and security. It’s not for long, but in those brief tranquil moments, looking past the tears I am okay. If only I could hear those words from my own mother…thank you so much. I just…wish I had something like this in my own home.
Oh my dear Skylar, even those few moments can grow, keep listening, over and over if you need or want to, it will sink in. Bless you!
hugs skylar xo i send love to you xo i feel sad for your mothers unevolvedness,, sad for your feeling alone in your journey ….you are not ever alone !!! i love the internet for that reason alone never again does anyone needs to feel alone …… the beautiful way you expressed yourself there moved me and i as a mother hug your soul so tightly lil one ( no matter your age you are all lil ones to me ..lol .. ) i wish for you and your mother ..peace and a connection and if she is to blinded by lifes construct to see truth and beauty i wish for u the ability to see beyond it and know that you are pure light and umlimited potential!!!! love yourself xo
This is an amazing website. A post about it recently made its way onto Tumblr, and watching the positive response to it has been pretty incredible – a lot of people out there need something like this desperately, and everyone who contributed to this site is doing great work. Thank you.
Hi Melissa! It is exciting to see it get shared on Tumblr, as so many are in need. That’s why we are here. Thank YOU for being here too!
Do ya’ll accept donations? As someone who didn’t have a supportive family for years, I think what you are doing is one of the most amazing things I’ve seen in the LGBTQ community, and I want to help in any way I can.
Hello dear Kira! How nice of you to offer a donation. Actually, we did this on a shoestring on purpose, to show how easy it is to gather a tribe together, and do something small. Besides a little PR help, which I needed, all this is just done with time and love and $11 in internet fees. Pretty cool, hugh? So all we need is help sharing so more can find it. We have no profit motive, only a motive for a better world. HUGS! Shamama
INSPIRED!!
Please let me know how I can sign up
Thank you,
Maureen ~
Thank you Maureen! To learn more, write [email protected]!
I’ve been in touch Maureen! Yeah!
Love watching heart connection unfold, seeing people give love so freely, and others open to receive it. Rob M.–your post was deeply moving, a powerful gift to witness your story. I tend to agree with Shamama….a little message of love from your mom, sent in perhaps the only way she could, in spirit form. xo
i had the honor of “meeting” one of the founders virtually this morning .. and i have never been sooo moved by a cause as this ..i am i mother of a fabulously creative amazing gay son and while it has never been a issue in our home i have watched some of his friends be rejected and it broke my heart .. always no matter which town we moved to my home would be come the hub for all lbgtq youths he could round up ..lol i commend you and have such gratitude to you i have tears .. bless you and your journey please let me know how i can best be of service .. i am in british columbia canada and would love to help in any way
Bless you Tamilyn, I will write you directly!
thank you !!!
This is an amazing giving from the heart project, I am a single Mom now with 3 teenagers…but as I have always said…I have much to be grateful for, and there are many out there who need encouraging words of healing and love.
Thank you,
Maureen~
I was 21 when my mother passed away after a long illness. She had wanted me to stay her perfect little boy, and when she began to suspect that I was gay, she made it clear in subtle ways that this was not acceptable. Because of this, I was afraid of her and was never able to come out to her. I hate to say this, but I still have not forgiven her. All of my relatives are fundamentalist Christians, so I had distanced myself from them as well.
I am 57 years old, much older than your target audience, but I am still very much in need of the mother’s love you are offering, the love that I did not get when a teenager and young adult. The world has changed a great deal in the past 36 years, and if my mother were still alive, who knows what her attitudes would have become.
Thank you for the love you offer.
Rob, we are so glad to offer our love to anyone of any age. I’d love to think your mom would be in some way behind all of this, saying in a way… “I sent you those moms… just so you’d know I care…” Maybe it’s a fantasy to think this, but it’s a nice one. HUGS to you! Robin
you are so welcome. know that there are people out there who care!
I love this idea!!! I want to be a part of this. Sign me up!
Thank you! We currently have 40 moms (and a few dads!) for our 40 days, but if you would like to help, please share this with as many media sources, bloggers, etc.. as you might know of and care to. We have no profit motive, and our costs have been minimal, so our goal now is simply to reach as many as we can with this love. To contact our founder, write [email protected]