Your Holiday Mom: Momma Rain

Dear Holiday Child,

I can’t believe it’s that time of year again. It seems like Halloween runs straight to Christmas now and Thanksgiving gets skipped over.  It’s not as big of a deal missing turkey day because all of our extended family is far away and it’s just us. That’s ok, I like doing turkey day smaller and not going all big for it. Daddy will just get the 4 days off, the younger kids get that whole week off (yikes.) If it’s chilly enough we can set a fire going and watch some movies. With everyone on or close to the edges of social anxiety we enjoy small quiet and cozy. After turkey day we can spend black Friday putting up the tree and all of the decorations.

Grandma and Grumpa will be visiting us for Yule this year which will be neat. I haven’t made any definite plans yet other than Christmas Eve jammies and movies and of course Christmas morning presents pancakes and coffee.  I’ve already started some shopping but I need some ideas and help. Buddy boy is easy, his interests never change. Bitty is different, she’s hitting the age where she wants clothes and that sort of thing. Her tastes are a bit unique and sometimes things that I think she will like or love, well she just doesn’t, she makes that eh face.

I’m sure you already knew this but she came out to us. I told her the same thing I told you and still do. I love you and nothing you can say or do will change that. Just be you.  All I worry about is how other people will treat you both because the world isn’t always nice to those of us that fly the rainbow flag. Just smile and kill them with kindness but just be careful. Since she is home with me a lot I try to remind her she is loved. I tell her anyone who can’t support her doesn’t need to be in her life –even family.  All I want to do is protect you and keep you safe. All kids need to know they are loved and cared for no matter what age they reach. I still need to win the lotto and open a halfway house for the LGBT+ youth. No one should be afraid to be who they are, especially at home with their families.

I know you are grown but anytime you need some extra love and reassurance imagine we can pile on to the couch, just cuddle up and watch a movie or you can listen to an audiobook with daddy.  The kids and kittens will pester you for love and attention of course. They look up to you (kids) and miss you (both) and want to play with you (kittens.) You can volunteer with us with the animal rescue, feed the homeless and have “Sunday Dinner” with the community family.  During the week you can help me with some baking. This time of year gets a bit busy in the kitchen. Actually I need to get back to baking, daddy’s job is having a thing tomorrow and I have lots of cookies that need their turn in the oven.

I want you to succeed in all you do and I’m proud of all you have done. Keep shining brightly but most importantly be you and LOVE yourself.

All my love,

Momma Rain


  1. tyler says:

    momma rain! you probably don’t remember me (and that’s okay) but last year i left a comment on your letter ((i believe i briefly went over stuff i was dealing with & my gender identity and such). to update you, if you do remember – i’m still struggling a lot and it seems like these days things keep getting harder, but i’m out as trans to a few of my close friends and they’re endlessly supportive. over the past year i truly have realized that family doesn’t have to be blood, the most important family you’ll ever find is only defined by the friends you hold close. my suicidal ideation, depression, and anxiety has gotten worse and the fact that my family (literally) hates me doesn’t help much but i know i’m strong, and i’ll be able to be happy and live freely once i move out in a few year, i booked myself back into therapy in hopes of at least trying to get better. seeing your letter this year was such a pleasant surprise, i often think about your kind words from last year in times that i feel down. i hope these last few weeks of the year treat you well, and that the year ahead of us does too. sending positive vibes to you, i love you endlessly, and thank you for everything you do for me and many other kids that feel out of place for being themselves.
    your holiday son,

  2. River says:

    Hey, I’m river I have a really broken family and as a genderfluid, bi-poly, pagan I was the family disappointment and the problem child and then I heard about this and thought it might be nice to talk to someone

    • KT says:

      Hi River,

      I’m so sorry to hear that. Know this- you will find people who love you for exactly the person you are. It’s painful when the family you were born to may not be as loving and supportive as your deserve, but it gets better. You’ll find your chosen family.

    • Momma Rain says:

      Hi River,
      The family you get is not always the family you deserve. Just because you ended up with them does not mean you deserve the outcome of THEIR broken-ness. THEIR issues with who you are and who you love is just that, THEIR issue. You are worthy of love and acceptance and I pray to the Gods you will be blessed in the near future with a loving family of your choosing. Have a blessed solstice.
      All my love and protection
      Momma Rain

  3. Kai says:

    Hey Mama Rain, I just found this website and this is totally great and uplifting and is just bound to male my holiday so much brighter Since I am stuck with a family that doesn’t accept me as transgender and panromantic but this will make my days so much merrier and bright

    • Brigid says:

      Hey Kai,
      Sorry to hear your family is having trouble accepting reality right now. You know who you are and that’s the most important thing. You are welcome and accepted here… just as you will be one day by many, many people in your life. We are glad to make your days a bit merrier! Visit us anytime you need a boost, Kai. Hugs!

    • Momma Rain says:

      Hey sweetie,
      I am so glad you found us! I sometimes struggle with getting words to express how I feel and trying to be supportive enough. I hope my love and support shines through and I am so glad to have been able to make this holiday just a littler brighter. If it helps there are also dad lettiers, friend letters, sibling letters…. maybe to help fill in some of the roles in a more positive light. I like to try to remind my kids (genetic and otherwise) if your parents cant accept you for who you are, its their issue not yours. Until they get on board you’ve got family. We are here. You’ve got this and we’ve got you.

  4. Momma Rain says:

    I wish that I could fix everything for everyone. I wish i could find a safe place to tuck you both away. The knowledge that someone doesnt feel safe in their home or loved by their family… it hurts me deeply. Tonight I will light a candle and pray to my many Gods for her safety and happiness, yours as well. I can not understand how anyone can see love as a bad thing. Its not her issue, its theirs. I hope the end of her time of having to live in their home comes soon. I am glad she has you to fill her days with love and happiness. Best wishes for you both.

  5. Alex says:

    I came across this website today and I cannot thank you enough. I’ve spent the last hour balling my eyes out while reading these. I’m 17 and heavily closeted as a lesbian. I’m not out to anyone. I live in an extremely conservative small town where I am too scared to come out. I think that my mom would accept me if she knew (though it’s hard for her to constantly be talking about my future husband) but she has a brain injury and no filter, so telling her would mean telling the world and I’m not ready for that. My dad on the other hand makes homophobic comments constantly. I know I can’t come out to him. I love reading these letters. They make me feel like for the first time, it’s okay to be who I am and that there’s nothing wrong with me. I wish my holidays were actually like this and I had families like yours.

    • Momma Rain says:

      One day sweetie you will. We do not have any family close by and our family get togethers are now those we choose as family. I think your family will surprise you but you wait until you are ready and not a minute before. The world is full of those who are accepting, be open to them and shielded from those closed minded ones you’ll find (they’ll be the loudest). Carry all the holiday moms’ love as a shield for your heart, we will protect it dearly. Until you are ready to step out into the world I will know you as who you really are. I look forward to when you can be you. You are worthy of love and acceptance. You are loved. This yule and all after you will always have us holiday moms.

    • Dizia says:

      That must be extremely difficult. I live in Toronto Canada, where we celebrate pride each year, and we even have our own “village” with gay bars. You are perfect just the way you are, and even though it may not be safe right now for you to be yourself, a time will come where you will be able to live up to everything you are. Check Facebook groups to find others to connect with. Hang in there and please don’t feel as though any part of you is wrong or not good enough.

  6. Your Holiday Ciocia says:

    Hi Dalaya J,

    I’m glad you found us but sorry to hear that you and your girlfriend are hurting. There are people who care about you and sending love and virtual hugs your way.

  7. Dalaya J says:

    I have a somewhat supportive family, so that’s not the issue. My girlfriend I fear is in real danger because her parents are the not so favored type of over religious. They believe in conversion therapy amongst other dangerous forms of conversion methods. I am running out of hope. I love this girl with everything I have and I refuse to lose her.

    • Brigid says:

      Hi Dalaya,
      Wishing you and your girlfriend the very best this holiday season. So glad you found us here. We believe in you both, and know in our hearts that you are both just perfect the way you are. You are both beautiful people, with inner strength. Hold onto your love for each other and know that love can never be a bad thing. Come here any time for a boost and a virtual hug!

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