Your Holiday Mom: Mama Vicki

Christmas 2016. Left to right: Vicki, Julia, Bard. (Videogame playing teenager not pictured 🙂 )

My sweet holiday child,

We are all so thrilled that you’re here. I love the energy of a full house, and these dozens of cookies that Grandma Lilli sent aren’t all going to eat themselves. I’ve got the room at the top of the stairs made up for you so you can have your privacy when you need it. (And yes, I put the Star Trek sheets on.)

Your brother’s been looking out the window all afternoon. He can’t wait for you to go join him over at the Xbox. Apparently, I “suck at coop platformers”, and he needs you to help him get to the next levels. Go ahead. You can unpack later. Mom Julia’s been keeping track of all of your favorite shows on the TiVo, too, so feel free to zone out and binge watch. I’m sure she’ll join you. Though if you feel like being helpful, Dad’s making seafood gumbo in the kitchen for dinner, and I’m sure they’d be happy for the roux-stirring company while they hear what you’ve been up to.

Eureka the calico cat’s ready to flop next to you on the couch, snore her squeaky snore, and accept infinite pettings. Geist the black cat’s kind of annoyed that the Halloween posing season is over, but if you’ve brought your camera, she’ll still deign to sit prettily in front of the fireplace for you. Especially if you bring that little bag of treats from the kitchen counter. And if you’re not feeling too old to cuddle your mom, I’ll join you on the couch too. (Hint: You’re never actually too old to cuddle your mom.)

I hope you brought your glitter and witchy finery, because we’re going to head upstate for the annual Yule ritual. We’re going to admire the big tree, and light our candles in circle together, speaking our hopeful wishes for the world aloud, sending positive energy out to fight all of the hate and brokenness. Then it’s time to eat, and I hope you’re hungry, because even though our hostesses tell people not to bring anything beyond what they’ve made, we always do. We can’t help it. It’s just not a good gathering without sesame noodles from our house and something sweet made from our beehive honey. Then we’ll each pick a gift from under the tree, and even though it’s technically random, there’s magic here, and somehow what each person receives seems to just the thing they need right then. I wonder what will choose you.

It’s hard to feel like the different one, like you’ve always got to explain yourself when you’re still working on understanding yourself. I wish I could protect you, and all of the LGBTQ youth out there, from all of the things in the media and in daily life that make you feel anything less than perfect, and beautiful, and loved. I want you to be fierce, to make the world a better place just by existing. But mostly, I want to wrap you up in the love of people who don’t make you work at all hard to express your own self, to cocoon you in our queer poly family until you’re ready to go out there and be brave again. As you get older and have more choices of where to be and what to do, I have faith that you will find your tribe and that you will love them with all of your heart. Until then, I’m so happy you can let us be your safe place. The door’s open, whenever you like.

–Mama Vicki (with Mom Julia, Dad Bard and your not-so-little anymore bro)


  1. Oakley says:

    Dear moms and dad,

    Thank you for welcoming me home for the holiday season. I feel truly happy celebrating with you all and I hope to do so next year as well.

    I wonder what present would have chose me. There are so many things I could need during the season. A guide to being myself,maybe.

    Maybe recieving your letter was my Yule present. I can always use a loving family to take me in and share traditions with. Growing up in an unsupportive household has always been rough and I wanted so badly to have somewhere I could call my home for the holidays.

    I hope to join you next year. I’ll be sure to keep you in my thoughts during the holidays.


    Your holiday son Oakley

    • Mama Vicki says:

      Hello Oakley,
      I’m so glad you are able to consider my letter a Yule gift! If only someone could hand us a magical guide to being ourselves…that wisdom comes from our own hearts. Remember that it’s always okay to try some things out and see how they fit– learning about ourselves is a lifelong process.

      I will be thinking about you and sending you my love and support throughout the holidays too.

      Big hugs,
      Mama Vicki

    • Brigid says:

      Hi Oakley,
      Thanks for dropping by and leaving your note. You are 100% welcome and supported here, always, just as you are.
      Wishing you a happy Yuletide Season and Bright Blessings for the new year ahead!

  2. Morgan says:

    Hello humans
    I guess I’ll say it like that I’m quite awkward. My friend told me of this because Idk tbh. He says it would help so Im trying it. I don’t really know how to talk to people I’m kinda mute but hi I guess. I’m turning 17 and leaving my house in January kinda happy very nervous but I hope it helps me I’m going to college soon and want to be an airplane engineer and I am hoping its much different there than high school

    • Mama Vicki says:

      Hello Morgan, you delightful human! I’m so glad you were able to stop by, and I hope I does help a little. Talking to people can be hard sometimes, but I think it is worth it most of the time.

      I’ll be thinking of you as you make your way out into the world in Jsnuary. Good luck in going to college and beginning to study engineering! I think you’ll find that you meet lots of different kinds of people there and that you’ll find great friends to connect with, friends who appreciate the way you are.

      Big Holiday Hugs,
      Mama Vicki

    • Brigid says:

      Hi Morgan! (I love your name! I believe it means “from the sea” in Welsh, is that right?)
      You will find a much greater range of people in college than there are in high school. If you’ve had any difficulties “fitting in” in high school (like I did), I think you’ll find it easier to find a group of friends who understand and accept you in college. There are just so many more people there, all kinds!
      It often takes time to make new friends though, especially when you’re feeling shy or awkward. Just be yourself, and be friendly in your own way. You’ll do fine. Everybody’s nervous starting college, whether they show it or not, so don’t worry about that.
      We are all cheering for you, and supporting you in our hearts! Sending real love to you Morgan… along with some virtual hugs!
      Happy holidays!

  3. Haze says:

    Hi Mom(s), Dad and Bro!

    The day you wrote this was the day I turned 18. I received a gift from a chosen mom ish figure. It was a card, and underneath all the layers there was 6 sticky notes reading:

    “happy happy 18th Birthday
    Claim Your Name”

    Under those 6 sticky notes was exactly the money needed to change my name, today I went in with My neighbor mom and got my court date. I cried when I got this gift as I realized it was something one of my legal moms would never do for me, and the gesture was enough. I still cry thinking about it. My court date is January 11th and I couldn’t be happier. On the 26th my boyfriend is coming to town so I hope it’s okay if he joins us too for festivities. I think on that day, I will have been the happiest I’ve been in years.

    I would love to join you for Yule celebrations, I wonder what would chose me. The only other thing I could hope for would be the money I need for top surgery but I know that would be a stretch.

    I love video games, and if my brother has co-op portal that’s something I’m good at but I will play any video game, and help cook happily, and cuddle with the cats and Mom.

    Thank you for being wonderful people who exist, I love you all and hope you have happy wonderful holidays. Remember to appreciate the little things, the gestures, cause really that’s what changes everything. <3


    • Mama Vicki says:

      Happy birthday! I am so happy that you were able to celebrate by beginning the name change process. Names are so important and finding the one that fits is a blessing. I will be thinking of you on the 11th, and hope you will wear your chosen name with pride.

      Perhaps not this season, but I’ll bet someday you’ll be able to manage to get the surgery you need. Until then, just remember that how your body is doesn’t change who you are and that you are 100 percent wonderful already.

      Love to you too, Haze.

      Mama Vicki

    • Brigid says:

      Hi Haze!
      So glad you dropped by, Haze, and told us the wonderful news about your legal name change. What a big, exciting step towards becoming your truest self!
      Wishing you a wonderful year in 2018, full of positive change and supportive friends. Sending love to you. 🙂

  4. K says:

    Thank you so, so much for bringing me into your wonderful, loving poly family. It’s just what I needed.

    • Brigid says:

      K, You are always welcome here at Your Holiday Mom! Anytime you need to hear some encouraging words, we are here for you. Drop by as often as you like.
      Best wishes for a beautiful year in 2018!

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