Your Holiday Mom: Mama Rose

Dearest child of my heart,

This time is special because you are with me and we are celebrating your life.

For me, this time of year is not about religion, it’s about loved ones celebrating life together. I celebrate you and I always will.

You are such a gift to this world. You have the ability to give love as only you can, to make a difference in this world. I know it’s been confusing, scary, frustrating, lonely, and so many other feelings that seem too big. I know this last year probably was especially scary for you, because the Earth has been hurting and in some places, very bad people are hurting others like you. I know that there are people in your life that don’t understand the joy that is you. I know that you may not understand why they are that way. To be honest, I never have understood it either.

Know that I get you. Know that I see you. Know that I believe in you, support you, and love you just as you are. Love is love and has no boundaries. It knows no gender, race, skin color, religion, age, or nation. It belongs to all living beings.

I’m here when you feel alone, I’m here when you need a hug, I’m here when you need to drown out the bad in your head. Listen to Plumb’s In My Arms. Hear me singing to you. Feel the warmth of my arms around you as my chin rests on your head while I sing. Listen to my heart beat with the music. Know you are home and safe.

Much love to you, precious one.

Mama Rose

56 comments

  1. Alex says:

    Thank you for this. A random stranger linked this site in a chat, right at the moment I needed it most.. I am a pansexual teen having to deal with my emotionally abusive and extremely homophobic father. The holidays have become a time I dread, every year, as everything gets worse. Your letter made me feel loved and actually made me start crying when I read it. Thank you again, so so much.

    • Auntie Hay says:

      Alex-
      I’m so glad the letter from Mama Rose made you feel loved. It sounds like things are pretty hard for you right now, so I just want to throw a bit more lovin your way.
      There are so many people on this site who genuinely care about you, myself included, and we love and accept you just the way you are.
      The holidays can be hard, but I hope you can feel better knowing you can come here to your holiday mom…. we have your back, and there are always more than enough hugs to go around here.
      All my love,
      Auntie Hay

  2. Blake says:

    Ok So I found this website through a friend and Honestly I’ve never really came out to anyone except my ex girlfriend, I’m transgender , Female to male, I’m 14, I’m Pansexaul and asexaul. My Family Are huge homophobes and transphobic, i always knew I wasn’t like any other girl, I never wore dresses or Girly clothing I liked wearing boys clothing more because I felt more comfortable . I’m bullied Because I don’t look like most girls and don’t act like them either. I have a huge bruise on my the side of my arm because of these few girls Beating the crap out of me . My new girlfriend Jennifer ( not her name) Sometimes cant stand up for me , and it just makes me feel helpless. I’m not allowed to come out to anyone , NOT even my older sister . Sorry for rambling , but please call me Blake. Or as my girlfriend calls me Blakey

    • Mama Rose says:

      Blake, I’m so proud of you for knowing yourself. It’s a rare thing that often takes many years to accomplish. I honestly can’t imagine what it must feel like to know you are in the wrong body for who you are. I’m sure frustrating is the mildest expression and topping it off with having to hide yourself from others and not be accepted by those you share your day to day life with…I wish I could hug you. You are welcome here, loved here, accepted here. I think you are perfect.

  3. Ash says:

    I love the fact you just emodied the essence of my late mother! Thank you for having her kind of heart!

    • Mama Rose says:

      Thank you so much Ash. It sounds like your mother and I would have been good friends. I’m sure she was a precious gift to this world, as you are. I hope you will continue to share the beautiful heart she gave you through example. I know it sounds cliche, but love really can make a difference. I see it everyday, mostly through a smile, a kind word, a simple action. I know that those small things can change a bad day to good and inspire a change in someone’s life. Much love to you and hugs!

  4. Lucca says:

    Hi, I’m entirely new to this, so please quite be a bit, as I like to be sure where I’m going.

    Call me Lucca, as it is the name I prefer. I myself are not completely aware of who I am, though so far I believe I’m androgynous, and I know that I like girls for sure. I’m also quite young, under twenty yet above 10, so I am still a bit unguided in life.

    I have days, which are becoming more common now, where I wonder why I am still where I am. Whether it be alive, living where I live, or not being where I’m supposed to. My mother is “supportive” of people being gay, but she is against people being trans, since she doesn’t understand how “someone can be so stupid as to not know who they are”. Obviously I haven’t told her about me, and I think it’s going to remain that way. She also isn’t exactly nice and kind to me.

    My favorite saying is “Blood is Thicker than Water” because that’s not the full saying. It’s actually “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Which basically means that chosen family is stronger than biological family. No offence if you love your blood family, mind you, I just so happen to not be as lucky, and believe that the people you choose to be your family have a stronger bond to you than those who are forced to be connected to you, unless you yourself deem otherwise.

    Whichever way, I am not in a bright spot in my life at the moment, and I hope this site will bring me a bit of digital hope, just so I can be a bit lighter<3

    • Auntie Hay says:

      Hi Lucca
      Glad you joined us here 🙂
      You have no reason to feel rushed to try and figure out exactly “who you are”. I think that is exactly what life is about- it’s a journey to discover yourself and the power of your own heart.

      Take your time; we will be here loving you all the way.
      Auntie Hay

    • Mama Rose says:

      Sweet Luca,
      It’s a favorite saying of mine as well. I have honestly not understood why people feel the need to hold onto blood family that continuously hurts them. Granted, I am an adult and have more choices in the matter. I do believe in respecting my parents as they chose to keep and raise me. I’m blessed that they were good parents, but as an adult I see that they are not people I would choose as a friend, if that makes sense? My chosen family consisting of my friends, my actual blood sisters, my husband and sons, are the joys of my life. I’m actually going to a friendsgiving dinner in a bit and know I am completely accepted and loved there, so I’m very much looking forward to it.
      I am sorry your mother does not understand transgender. Many people are afraid of or discounting of what they do not understand and treat it with unreasoning cruelty and disdain. To me being transgender means knowing yourself better than most people as you know your body is not right for you. I cannot completely understand as I’ve always felt I was a woman, but I can understand that I’ve never felt like I belonged to societies idea of what a woman “should” be.

      Androgyny is beautiful to me. My son considers himself male, as he was born, but has beautiful long hair, wears skirts and dresses as he feels like, wears makeup on occasion, and loves being mistaken for a woman. He knows he’s lovely and other than being very tall, really has no discernable gender in his looks. I feel like there really should be no divide in gender unless we, as an individual, choose for ourselves. The world would be a much more pleasant place if gender was a non issue.

      If you are confused, it’s okay. It’s confusing enough just being a teen without adding on trying to find your identity as a person. There is no rush at all, unless you personally feel the need for one. If the only thing keeping you from knowing yourself is others opinions, follow your heart and quiet those voices. Ultimately the other voices do not matter because you are the only one that has to live with you at the end of the day. You are perfect as you are, even if you aren’t sure what you may be yet, it’ll come to you with time. I reiterate no rush because I know everything feels so urgent right now and you are hurting and want a resolution to that pain.
      No one can hurt you emotionally, unless you let them.
      This is a universal truth. It took me time to understand and accept that. I know who I am, love who I am, but I didn’t come to that overnight. Be patient with yourself hun.

  5. Rachel L. says:

    As I sit here sobbing reading your words for the third time I cannot begin to express how much I really needed to read this. This being my third year since my mother’s passing when my family made it very clear how welcome I was by telling me I’d be arrested for trespassing if I attended her funeral. She was abusive and distant, but she was still my mom and I just wanted to say goodbye.

    Plumb has always calmed my troubled heart, and I have always longed for the mother who could hold me when the world felt it’s heaviest and help me carry the burden, if only for a little bit. Thank you, I can never express enough how much your letter has warmed my lonely heart.

    • Nicole says:

      Rachel, my heart broke for your as I read your story about your mother’s funeral. I hope you have been able to say goodbye in your own way and that each year brings a little more peace for you. There are so many people out here like me, who love you, see you, support you, and want to make sure you feel welcome. You are loved, you are enough, and you are important. I’m sending some warm hugs your way right this minute. I hope you find the bright spots in the holiday season and may 2018 bring you ever more peace and light.

    • Mama Rose says:

      Oh my dear Rachel, I wish I could hug you right now. I’m so sorry for the way your family has treated you. I honestly have never understood such irrational and awful behavior. I’m sorry you are in pain. I’m so thankful my words helped in any small way. You are a blessing to this world, never think otherwise.

  6. Aaron says:

    Thank you so much for this. I was just shown this website this week by a friend. My parents/sister and most of my family save for a handful of individuals disowned me this year when I came out. They’d been threatening to cut me off and throw me out for so long for various things; being a democrat, not as religious as them (they didn’t know I’m an atheist), for wanting to go to grad school and do research on endangered species, and especially because I was gay and they made sure I knew that if I ever told anyone I was gay it’d be all over. After 9 years of that I couldn’t do it anymore. I came out and I lost so much. Family, belongings, material comforts. It hurts so bad sometimes. This is my first holiday season without my family. I feel like even after months of dealing with life and trying to move forwards and dig myself out of a hole, I’m still so broken hearted. Thank you so much for doing this. We need more moms like you Mama Rose. Happy holidays.

    • Shannon (she/her) says:

      May I give you a big virtual hug, Aaron? Coming out was such a brave act and I am proud of you, my Holiday Child. Please know that you are cherished and loved for who you are. <3

    • Brigid says:

      Hey Aaron, You are clearly a very caring person, with a great love of learning and concern for this planet. That’s wonderful. The world needs more people like you! You have shown tremendous courage to face the threats and not let unkind words control you anymore. (People who threaten others have a lot of growing-up to do!)
      You’ve found out who your true friends are. That “handful of individuals” will be just the beginning. As you go out into the world, being your true and natural self, more and more real friends will come your way. I’m certain of that.
      When you are feeling broken-hearted, as we all do when things seem so hard, try to remind yourself that you are not alone.
      Even though we have not met face to face, I like you already! I respect your choices and want you to know that you are valued and supported just exactly the way you are.

    • Auntie Hay says:

      Hey Aaron-

      I’m sorry you feeling so much pain right now.
      Maybe this is too cheesy, but there’s a song by Coldplay, “every teardrop is a waterfall”… in a few minutes I’m going to listen to it and “dedicate” it to you

      “…Maybe I’m in the black, maybe I’m on my knees, maybe I’m in the gap between the two trapezes
      But my heart is beating and my pulses start
      cathederals in my heart
      As we saw oh this light , I swear you emerge blinking in, to tell me it’s alright
      As we soar walls, every siren is a symphony
      And every tear’s a waterfall, it’s your waterfall…
      So you can hurt, hurt me bad
      But still I’ll raise the flag”

      Whenever you feel like you’re in that hole, know that I’m reaching my arm out to help pull you up.
      I will be picturing you emerging from the darkness, stronger than ever, with your flag flying high.
      All my love,
      Auntie Hay

    • Mama Rose says:

      Aaron, my heart hurts for you. I really cannot fathom any of that. I don’t have to agree with someone to love them. I am a democrat and my husband is a republican. I am Wiccan and my father is Catholic and mother is Christian. I have many friends and family from all over the religious and political spectrum and we all love each other and while we don’t always agree, we respect each others beliefs and opinions and debate on occasion. I can’t imagine what 9 years of living in fear would be like. No one should ever have to live in fear. I’m so sorry for what you have lost, but at the same time I am very glad you are away from an emotionally damaging situation. I am hoping that it will have a small silver lining and lead you to a place of feeling safe and to people who know you and celebrate you as you are. You were so brave to come out, I am very proud of you.

  7. Zana says:

    I feel so loved reading these. I’m from a very conservative family and being gay is really…not ok. I had a cousin who was very supportive despite all of that and tried his hardest to understand what I was going through. However he died two months ago, it was a sudden thing…I still haven’t gotten over it, I feel like I don’t have anyone left now.

    • Auntie Hay says:

      So sorry to hear about your cousin, Zana.
      Everyone deals with grief differently, but one day the pain will start to receed. Until then, remember that there are so many here that really do love you, and you have our support.
      I am honored to stand by you and to have your back.
      Wishing you a happy holiday, dear one.
      Lots of love and hugs,
      Auntie Hay

    • Mama Rose says:

      Zana, I’m so thankful you feel our love. I’m very sorry for your loss. Don’t feel like you are supposed to get over losing him. The term “get over” implies forgetting someone, and you never will, but as time passes the pain will lessen and you will just be thankful you had that person in your life. It sounds like your cousin was a very special person. I am so very thankful you had him to show you that not all conservatives feel the same way. Just like any group of people, there are bad apples in every bunch and good ones who try to share their beliefs in a positive way. I have friends and family that are conservative that know everything about me from my religious beliefs to my political beliefs (which are not really conservative at all), and love me and respect my views. Growing up, I saw many that were not good and thought that was all i would see, I am very happy it isn’t. You will find more people as you go through life who are truly kind and good people, regardless of their beliefs. The best part of growing up is meeting a wider range of people and finding the ones who really connect to your heart. It takes time and some trial and error, but it will happen. Much much love to you and many hugs.

  8. GiGi says:

    For all the beautiful beings who are sharing on this thread. I am so grateful to be reading your words and sharing your stories. All my love to each and every one of you. GiGi

    • Mama Rose says:

      Thank you Gigi! I’m grateful for you as well, sharing your love with others. Much love to you and I hope your holidays are fun, filled with joy, and safe travels.

  9. Aunt Sis says:

    Dear Mick,

    The death of a parent, no matter the relationship, is a tremendous loss for so many reason. I’m so sad for the loss of your father.

    I hope you can feel the hugs I’m sending you. We’re sitting on my sofa, with a couple of cats and a dog, not talking, but listening to each other breathe. I will listen to anything you wish to share – no judgment, no interruptions, nothing my hugs, warmth and love.

    Oh, and I have some cookies coming out of the oven if you’d like a snack. I’m not the best baker, but I haven’t poisoned anyone. Yet!

    Love you, darling.
    Aunt Sis

  10. Lily says:

    Thank you for making this, mom

    I never had a super close parental figure over the holidays, and I live in an extremely conservative christian home that doesn’t accept who I am. I don’t have much a relationship with my dad, and the rest of my family is somewhat, well, screwed up.
    So it’s wonderful seeing somebody cares about me during the holidays, even if it isn’t directed at me or personal.
    This is the first time I’ve ever signed up for a subscription on this website, and it’s absolutely wonderful. Getting to feel loved every day leading up to christmas is absolutely wonderful, and I can’t thank you enough for sharing that love with me.

    • LT says:

      Lily, I’m sorry the family you got stuck with doesn’t see how awesome you are. But the family here loves you just for being you! No lectures, no strings <3

    • Courtney says:

      Lily- you are loved by many! I hope you know that you will be held in our hearts and that there are so many people behind you.

    • Mama Rose says:

      Dearest Lily,
      My sweet child you are beautiful and perfect as you are. Know that with me, even if we disagree on anything, I respect your mind and heart. I want you to have your own mind. I want you to celebrate who you are and love yourself completely. I want you to shine with the knowledge of yourself. You don’t have to be afraid I will judge you or mistreat you for what you tell me. We can talk about anything and I will listen with an open heart. That is the kind of mom I want to be. Love is not meant to come with strictures on appearance, thoughts, beliefs, gender, or sexual orientation. It’s supposed to come freely, openly, and with patience and understanding.
      I’ve come to learn all of this with my life experiences. I learned that I could not control how others treated me, but I COULD control how I treated others. I could not control my biological family, but I COULD control who I choose to have in my life and treat as the family I wanted to have. We honestly can create our own life as we want it, once we become independent individuals. I know it;s hard right now, and scary too, but if you can hold on to that, if you can look to a future where you can choose your own path and work towards that future, I know you can build happiness.
      Much love to you dear and many many hugs,

  11. Nick says:

    Hi, Mama Rose!

    I love your outfit and hope we can make some time to go shopping. I’m a non-binary man who loves to rock out the Steampunk, so I’m digging your outfit!

    Lots of love for reminding me that you get me,

    Nick

    • Momma Mel says:

      Nick,
      Shopping with a mom can be such a wonderful experience. Searching for just the right thing and trying on clothes. I hope you have someone in your life to do this with. Even if you don’t, know you will be in my heart as I do my shopping. ❤️

    • Brigid says:

      I love Steampunk too! I’m not as young as I was, but I still love to dress up and cosplay. It’s fun to put on a costume and be someone else for a while, but remember you are wonderful and loveable just as you really are.

    • Mama Rose says:

      Dearest Nick,
      Thank you so much and I would love to go shopping with you! Steampunk is one of my favorite styles. I was actually at a Lolita convention when I wore this and wanted to put my own spin on the style. I also love vintage pin-up looks as well as Victorian Gothic. Fashion is a major passion for me. I am a costumer and I sell headpieces as a business, but cosplay is my favorite pastime. I’ve recently been able to get my eldest son into fashion as well. I’m hoping it will stick.
      Lots of love to you as well and I’m glad you get me too.

    • Brigid says:

      Hi grace,
      So glad you found this blog! Everyone here is very supportive and really cares. We hope you’ll come and hang out here often. Sending hugs!

  12. Ro says:

    I can’t thank you enough for these letters. I could never come out to my mom, and if I did, she would never treat me the same again. this letter made me feel so safe and so loved for who I am. I just can’t thank you enough. thank you so much.

    • Celeste says:

      Hi, Ro- All of us moms over here choose to treat you will love and support. We not only accept you, we celebrate who you are. You are the only one who gets to be Ro, and that is amazing. Be your best you, and we will love you for it. Sending lots of hugs today.

    • Auntie Mena says:

      Ro,

      So happy to hear it made you feel like that! You are a magnificent unicorn and I’m sending all my love, support and puppy noses. You are very much loved.

      Love,
      Auntie Mena

    • August says:

      Hi Ro,
      I’m so glad that you’ve found the safety and love that you deserve here with us. We will always treat you for exactly who you are, with all of the love and care that we possibly can.
      With love from your sibling,
      August

    • Aunt Sis says:

      Dearest Ro,

      Knowing you feel safe is the best gift a mom can have. YOU are the gift for us.

      Please know my virtual arms are open every second of every day to wrap you up and to ensure you feel safe, loved and wanted.

      With great affection.
      Aunt Sis

    • GiGi says:

      Hi Ro,
      I am so happy to be able to share this season with you. I hope you know that the more respect you give yourself the more you will see around you. That may not completely ease the sting of rejection but it will help you grow through it, and I will be here rooting for you the whole way. I am honored to share your journey even in this tiny way With all my love and support. GiGi

    • Mama Rose says:

      Ro, I am so thankful you could feel loved. You are just as you should be and that’s wonderful! Thank you for finding me and becoming a part of my life. Lots of love to you and many hugs.

  13. Alex says:

    I’ve been looking forward to the start of these, I didn’t realize how hard it’d be to read something like this… I really believe this is an amazing thing you are doing, especially for me. To be shown “love” from a “mother” is mind blowing and I did know this is what I’ve wanted.
    Thank you.

    • Aunt Meri says:

      Alex,

      I’m glad you go what you wanted! I’m sorry it was hard for you to read. Just know that you have a lot of family, some of whom you haven’t met yet, who love you for exactly who you are.

    • Mama Rose says:

      Alex, I am thankful you found us. Sometimes just knowing you aren’t alone, that there are people who see you, who get you, who care about how you feel, can change your heart. I added music to this because that was always a way for me to connect. To know I wasn’t the only one who had those feelings or that situation. I chose that song because as a mom, that was the way I wanted you to feel. To know that even though I know your life is not perfect, that you will feel pain i cannot protect you from or stop, that with me you are loved, with me you are safe. I can’t hold you, but you can feel me in that song. I’m glad you are here. I’m glad you are in my heart.

    • Celeste says:

      Hi, Sean- I hope your day gets better. You can always come here – we’ll be waiting for you with open arms. {hugs}

    • Mama Rose says:

      Sean,
      My dear I am so thankful I could be there for you. Much love and I hope to be there when you need me again.

  14. Mick says:

    Needed this. My Dad died on Friday. Sad he’s gone, sad it’s better this way cos he’ll never know I’m trans, sad that he wouldn’t have accepted the real me if I’d embraced my identity earlier, sad all my relatives keep misgendering me, sad my father will never call me his son and as remote as the possibility was, where there was life there was hope. Sometimes i think i can’t contain all the d*** Sad.

    • Auntie Hay says:

      I’m so sorry for your loss Mick, but so glad you are here with us…. we are at your side, holding your hand, and whispering encouragement. When you feel like it all might be to much, remember how much we love you.
      I embrace the real you, and I’m so proud of you
      (((Hugs)))
      Auntie Hay

    • Betsy says:

      Hi Mick,

      I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like your dad was really important to you, even though you didn’t have a lot of hope that he would accept you for who you are. That says something really good about your capacity to love others unconditionally. I wish your birth family was more accepting of who you really are. Thankfully you have a whole family right here that’s lucky to have a guy like you around. =)

      I hope we can help you hold all that sadness you’re feeling and get at least some of the recognition you deserve for your courage and resilience.

      Love,
      Your Holiday Sibling Betsy

    • Brigid says:

      Hi Mick,
      Losing a parent is never easy, no matter what your relationship was like, or how old you are. I’m very sorry to hear of your recent loss, and I want you to know I hear your pain and regret. Everyone grieves differently, and it’s a long process, but remember you are loved. You are not alone. Whatever you are feeling is OK and normal. Grief can be a roller coaster, but hang on tight and know you’ll be alright. Sending virtual hugs to you Mick. You sound like a lovely, caring person. You are welcome here anytime. We are here for you.

    • Mama Rose says:

      Dearest Mick.
      I’m glad if I helped in any small way.

      People are so complex and we really shouldn’t be. I know you are right as I am sure you understood your father very well, but I will tell you something as a parent. We know our kids. We know you. We may not understand what that means completely, if it is not an aspect we share, but we know you.
      I knew my son was gay when he was 2. Maybe if I had been raised differently or was in a conservative or negative religious lifestyle, I wouldn’t have acknowledged this, but I have already loved many LGBTQ+ people in my life, even before I knew how wide the spectrum went, so to me it was just who he was and no big deal.
      I am quite sure your father knew you. He probably didn’t acknowledge it because it may go against his beliefs or personal fears, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t know. If he showed you love, he loved everything about you, he just couldn’t face it because of his own shortcomings, most likely things he himself could not completely control (environment, social teachings, peer pressure, etc.) that had nothing to do with you. You are wonderful as you are. I am so sorry that he could not express to you the complete love and acceptance I am sure he wanted to. I am so so sorry that you did not get that closure. I know you are a son he could be proud to have.
      As for the misgendering, I am sure some of it is intentional, but I doubt it all is. The human brain, especially older ones, has a hard time rewiring information that was already heavily embedded. I know a woman who absolutely adores and accepts her son, but she still forgets and calls her child by his birth name and refers to him as “she/her”. She doesn’t mean to be hurtful or disrespectful. I am hoping that is the case with some of your family members. Try to talk to them about it if you feel they might listen. Be patient with those that put forward the effort. I hope any of this helps you. Much love,
      Mama Rose.

Leave a Reply