Your Holiday Mom: Mama Cia

Dear child of my heart,

The holidays are upon us and you, my child, are a gift for which I am thankful all through the year, even though we will never meet.

I never had children of my own but my heart is full of maternal love and I give it all to you, freely and without hesitation. I give you my support, my wishes for your happiness, my strength should you ever need it, my shoulders to lean on, my ears to listen, and my hands to hold. You are so special, and have so much light to give to the world. This holiday season, I want you to shine like the beautiful light that you are.

I’m a pretty good cook so our holiday table will be resplendent with all your favorite dishes. You will sit in a seat of honor at our old oak table, and I will probably try to feed you too many desserts. (Because that’s what this loving Mom does.) And if you won’t spill the beans to Daddy Tom, I’ll even join you in the kitchen at midnight so we can sneak yet another dessert to have with our hot chocolate (with extra marshmallows, of course). The peaceful quiet of the late hour, the snow falling softly outside the windows, our murmured conversation while the cat sleeps in your lap, these are all little gifts I give to you.

Your big gift (because you know we always do one big gift each year), well, I did not have to search long and hard for that. I knew right away what it would be. It’s not something I can wrap, except in love, but I hope you will find it beautiful even without all the fancy trappings: your gift is you, the real you.

I want you to see yourself the way I do, as someone to be cherished, and valued, and nurtured, and protected, as someone who is worthy and worthwhile, as someone who deserves all the best that life can offer. I want you to see the you that can survive being judged, or being bullied, or being ignored. I want you to see the you that has allies and friends and family, even though you can’t see us face to face.

I want you to see yourself as someone who is greatly loved.

And perhaps that is my final gift to you this holiday season, a promise: I will fight for you. I will use my voice and my heart to make sure you aren’t forgotten or ignored. I will hold you, and love you, and I will always — always — set a place at my table for you.

In a world that’s sometimes harsh and ugly, you are a beacon of light.

You are welcome in my family. Always.

You are welcome in my life. Always.

You are welcome to share with me all that you are, and all that you will become. Always.

And since Daddy Tom is still sleeping, what do you say we have another piece of pie?

(And do try to keep the cat out of the marshmallows.)

I love you,

Mama Cia

 

41 comments

  1. Sam says:

    Thank you Mama Cia for this lovely letter. I love to eat (always thinking about what I’ll eat next too haha) and will surely enjoy whatever you’ve made for me with love. I’ve never had cats of my own although I love them so I would be most happy to have yours in my lap for the night. Your words shine with a light of its own, thank you for them. It’s so good to imagine getting to be my genuine self with family 🙂

    • Brigid says:

      Hi Sam,
      You can always be your genuine self here! You are perfect exactly the way you are, and we love to hear from you! We are so happy you found your way here. Hugs!

  2. Sara says:

    I want to thank you for the time you spent with us and I am very thankful for you being cancer free… most of the time I am very happy and i have a small circle of good friends but ever so often I feel alone. I do know this is natural and that is okay…if u have time you can check out one of my fav authors and youtubers Gabrielle Bernstein I thinks she is amazing… Take care

    Love

    Sara

    • Your Holiday Ciocia says:

      Hi Sara,
      I wanted to reply sooner, but I went to check out Gabrielle’s channel and got sucked into a bunch of her videos, those were really wonderful, thank you for sharing. I’m glad you’re here with us!

  3. Freddi F says:

    Mama Cia.
    Oh my, I wish I had read this on Friday when you posted. I was so tired from working that I missed it on that day. I could have used the love, because Friday was my 7 year cancer free. I know you would have helped me celebrate it, and that you would never forget and show me the love I need. These words mean so much to me! I am sitting here crying, overwhelmed with the love I feel from your words.
    I am excited to eat too many desserts with you, and I promise not to tell about our secret desserts. My cat Scooter also likes marshmallows. He will steal them when he can.
    Thank you Mama for loving me and letting me be myself! That is truly the best gift a person can receive.
    Your Holiday Child,
    Freddi

    • Kelly says:

      Dear Freddi,

      Secret deserts are best deserts. I prefer mine with peanut butter and chocolate, and there must be gossip with them. Good, wholesome-ish, funny gossip.

      Congratulations on seven years Cancer free! What’s a good way to celebrate that? I’m curious, I have no idea how to celebrate that kind of liberating personal anniversary. Hugs? Cuddles? Comforting quiet? Or a dinner out with your favorite foods or your favorite foods served at home?

      You are loved and you deserve that love.

      Not-Mama-Cia-But-Definitely-A-Holiday-Mama,
      Kelly

      • Freddi F says:

        Kelly.
        I like to go get a pancake at my favorite breakfast place in town on the morning of my cancerversary. I only order 1 pancake though because they are huge! Usually I ask them to make it in the shape of a dinosaur, but this year I had a regular pancake shape. I like to spend the day with people who care and eat good food all day. I end the day with some reflection while cuddling my cat.

  4. Lucien says:

    Thank you so much for your letter. I could feel all of your love and warmth, and I’m in tears because in one letter, you have shown more love and goodness than my biological mother has ever given me in the 20+ years she was still in my life.

    I went no contact with her due to her abuse. My being LGBT+ had very little to do with it, although I did hide my orientation from her because of her open biphobia. I did not realize I was a trans man until years after the split, and I’m glad for that. I don’t like imagining what she might have done to me if she had known I was trans too.

    The pain of having had an abusive parent never goes away. But knowing there are people out there who would accept me with open arms is a great comfort.

    With love, Lucien.

    • Kelly says:

      Dear Lucien,

      It’s a journey to discover your truth, and while we all have to find it alone, celebrating it alone can be hard.

      You are a brave soul to open your eyes to who you are, to be that person you were meant to be. I wish I could hug you and tell you how proud I am to know you’ve come to this point, that you’ve made it this far and you are ready for more to come. I am sorry your biological mother will never see the man you’ve become, to see it with compassion and pride, but that’s ok. There are many people out there who see you and know who you are, and feel that pride in knowing that truth. And if you aren’t out to the world at large, that’s ok too; we come to that step in our own time.

      I hope you look that pain in the face and accept that it might always be there, but that there are many wondrous things to couple with it, like the love and acceptance of others, who would indeed embrace you with open arms and comfort.

      Not-Mama-Cia-But-Definitely-A-Holiday-Mama,
      Kelly

  5. Cassidy says:

    Mama,

    Thank you for spending the holiday season with me. Don’t worry, the extra desserts will be our little secret. 🙂

    Your kitty is so cute! I have a cat named Jasper, but he much prefers the company of a warm vent to a warm lap. It is fun to watch him bat at the ornaments on the tree, though.

    I deeply appreciate all the love and support you give to me and all of my holiday siblings. We love you!!

    -Cassidy (xe/xir)

    • Brigid says:

      Hey Cassidy!
      Jasper sounds like a hilarious cat! My cat’s name is Tazzie. He’s a “tuxedo cat” so he’s always dressed up for dinner! Glad you dropped by to share some holiday cheer with us. Lots of love coming your way!

  6. Sara says:

    Thank you Mama Cia I loved your very heart felt words… I wish i did have someone to talk with like you

    Merry Christmas

    Sara

    • Emily S says:

      You do though. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to not feel accepted by your parents, but there are so so so many people out there who will recognize your worth and love you unconditionally. Find that love and that warmth and carry it in your heart. I’m a childless mother who would take you in in a heartbeat. ❤️❤️.

    • Cia says:

      Sara, sweetie, you have my whole heart. There are many of us who support you, even if we never meet. Merry Christmas to you, too.

      Love you,
      Mama Cia

  7. Jette says:

    Dear mama cia,
    Thank you so much for that letter, I’m sitting here in germany, wishing to hug you and thank you in real life, wishing to spend my holidays with you. The only one who’s by my side right now is my girlfriend, but my mum doesn’t want us to meet, she even took me off my school to keep us apart. She told my younger brother to ignore me, even though he doesn’t even understand why. When I came out to them my mother almost kicked me out, I was twelve. So, to find someone who accepts you for who you are is just beautiful and made me cry. Thank you so much!!!
    Love Jette❤

    • Cia says:

      Oh, Jette, I wish things were better for you but know that I offer all my support and heart to you. Life can be tough, but you have a wonderful light that you can shine on the entire world, making it a better place. Know that the Holiday Moms are out here, sending you love.

      Love you,
      Mama Cia

  8. Oz says:

    Mama Cia,

    This means so much to me. Thank you for your wonderful letter. My heart weeps with joy from words I did not hear growing up, but to know that there are Mama’s who love me and believe in me mean so much it is hard to find the words to describe. The big somewhat random bonus my dad’s name is Tom ha ha so it kind of fit perfectly.

    I hope you have the best holiday season. <3

    Much love,
    Oz

    • Cia says:

      Oz, my words came from the heart. There are many Moms here who love you and can’t wait to see you become all that you are meant to be. My Tom sends his love to you, as well. 🙂

      Love you,
      Mama Cia

  9. Grace S. says:

    Thank you for this. It came a time when I really needed it. I’m bawling my eyes out crying. This means a lot. Thank you.

    • LT says:

      Holidays can be overwhelming. Here’s the tissues, I’ll go snitch a couple big marshmallows for the cocoa (the mini marshmallows are awesome, but the big ones are more fun, right?) and blankets to curl up in on the couch. Warm blankets, warm drinks, and we can talk or just watch the cat try and steal ornaments … or marshmallows lol

    • Cia says:

      Grace, sweetie, I’m so very honored that my words touched you. Please know that I meant every one of them, and I hope they will continue to remind you that there are lots of us Moms (and Dads, and siblings, and other family members) who are overjoyed that you are in this world.

      Love you,
      Mama Cia

  10. Eugenia says:

    Dear mama Cia,
    Thanks for this lovely letter. Not gonna lie, I teared a little reading it. Thanks for the reminder that there are always people out there supporting us, and that we are loved. I’m not out yet and I honestly don’t know when I’ll be comfortable enough to come out, but i feel a lot more reassured that there are people like you out there who will not judge me or put me down. I’m sure your cooking was extremely yummy & yes please to another piece of pie!

    Merry Christmas,
    Eugenia

    • Johanna says:

      Hi Eugenia!

      Although I am not a mother, I wish you the best for the holidays and all other days of the year. There’s absolutely no pressure for you to come out; take your time, little butterfly! I love you so so much and hope you have a lovely holiday season!

    • Paula says:

      Dear, Dear, Eugenia,
      I am always going to be here loving you. Every minute of every day, no matter how near or how far, I am here…loving you. Whether I agree with you on your choices or not, I will always support you and be on your side. Because, you, my precious child, are mine. This is your life and these are your choices, so I absolutely will support you and do my very best to help make your dreams reality. You are loved. You are precious. You are the treasure of my heart!
      Giving you the bestest ever momz hug, (I don’t want to let go because I love you so)
      Momz

    • Susan says:

      Merry Christmas, Eugenia, I teared up reading that letter too, I’m thinking of you and loving that you’re you. There’s lots of us out here for you!

    • Cia says:

      Eugenia, do take it to heart that there are many of us out here who love and support you. My wish is that you find some close to home who can continue to remind you just how special you are and give you a shoulder to lean on. And I’ll always be here sending you love, strength, and happiness.

      Love you,
      Mama Cia

  11. Dylan B says:

    Aw thank you Mama Cia!
    How did you know marshmellows are my favorite?
    My mother doesn’t treat me like her child and I miss out on these kinds of things.
    I wish all moms could be like you so everyone could feel this happy around the holidays
    Love Dylan

    • Cia says:

      Dylan, so happy to have you share your beautiful light with me. If I could, I would bake some holiday cookies for you, with or without marshmallows if the cat has licked them all, lol, but know that you’re in my heart.

      Love you,
      Mama Cia

  12. Emmett J says:

    Hey mama Cia. This is the first letter, both of yours and on the whole site across the board, and I’m literally crying because it’s so beautiful. My relationship with my parents for years, but especially over the past few months, has been very hard on me. I’ve been having a lot of issues transitioning and dealing with a lot of internal and external hatred. I didn’t know I needed this so much until I read it and it really helped me. Thank you. I love you.

    • Cia says:

      Emmett J, I’m so sorry you’ve had a difficult time with your parents. I know it’s hard, especially with all that you’ve gone through and are going through. Know that you are loved and celebrated, and be good to yourself. I care.

      Love you,
      Mama Cia

    • Zachary says:

      Hi Emmett, learning to accept and love yourself is a very hard process to work through. I’m going through it myself. I just wanted you to know that your not alone and that i’m right there with you. I’m wishing you the best of luck in your journey to self discovery, as well as my best wishes of a happy holiday.

      Love,
      Zachary

  13. Léo says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. This has been such a hard day for me. My real mother called the gender clinic and they somewhat naively offered to mediate between me and her. I had a bit of an anxiety attack and had to leave class early – that’s art class, because I’m an artist! I’m glad to be welcomed in your home like that. A nice meal made by a mom is all I need right now. I will make a half-baked effort to keep the cat off the marshmallows, but eventually I’ll just kinda quietly let it lik them because she’s just too cute to fight ;P

    • Cia says:

      Léo, you’re welcome, you’re welcome, you’re welcome! Truly. I’m so sorry you had such a difficult day. Life can be so difficult at times, but you have such heart, you will not only get through all this, but you will thrive. I have faith in you. Now, as for the cat, no wonder he likes you if you’ve been letting him lick all the marshmallows, lol! Sending you a hug, dear one.

      Love you,
      Mama Cia

  14. Sean l says:

    Thank you mama im so happy and thankful you’re having me this year its been a long and difficult year this year worse then when i first came out as myself so being here with you is the best thing i could have this year even though we havent met i feel like i know you already.
    So thank you for making me feel wanted this year for me not the mask everyone puts on me.
    I love you mama Cia

    • Cia says:

      Sean, I love you, too. I’m sorry about your difficult year and send you my hopes for a much better year coming your way. You deserve it, and you are beautiful without your mask, I promise!

      Mama Cia

  15. Seantel says:

    Mama Cia,
    I thank you. This note made my cry the happiest of tears. I feel the love and I can’t wait to share those memories and those desserts.
    I’ve never felt much support or anything but I really feel it now. Thank you and I appreciate you and all the love you have. Thank you.
    With much love, your holiday child Seantel-Rose

    • Cia says:

      Seantel, happy tears are good! You have all my support and I’m glad you can feel it. Be strong, smile when you can, and never doubt yourself.

      Love you,
      Mama Cia

    • Cia says:

      JJ, the real you is beautiful and deserving of love. Thanks for being with me this holiday season.

      Love you,
      Mama Cia

  16. Terrie says:

    Thank you, my family has never uttered words so kind as these and have shamed me for being gay. I always save the letters that touch me and this one is on top of them all. We all want a champion to fight for us. Or a family that doesn’t judge nor disown us. I think I’ve spent my life trying to make them proud of me. I sit here now crying the tears of a small orphaned, abused and abandoned child. Thank you so much…

    • Cia says:

      Terrie, you deserve kind words always, and much love. I’m so glad we’ve touched hearts through this blog, and I want you to know that *I’m* proud of you, always. Sending you a big hug!

      Love you,
      Mama Cia

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